To be panicking over how we'll afford it - please help!

[BoyMeetsWorld]

Really hoping some of you are up at this time of night to offer advice / talk sense into me.

I'm pregnant so may be partly hormones but i can't sleep, having a massive panic attack over how we'll afford things when baby comes. Would love some solid advice not just 'oh you'll manage, everybody does somehow'.

DS (4) has got a school place from sept 4.5 miles from our home. Before & after school clubs would be £60 pw which is obviously very good (if only paying one childcare) but apart from cost there's a waiting list so no guarantees. The school is in the opposite direction from our work - so 20 min drive there, 30 min drive back the opposite way. I currently don't drive though am trying best to learn fast. DH works 1 hour away. Both of us have standard 9-5 hours.

DM moved up here recently and had said she's do wrap around care for which I know we'd be v v v lucky. She's now said she won't (she suffers a variety of mental health issues). Full time childcare for baby at 6 months old (meaning 10 hours per week from 6 months, no option at my work to go part time) would be £250 per week. Add to that the wraparound care for DS = £310 pw on childcare, not accounting for school holidays.

So...£1343 per month on nursery & school clubs.
We have considered a nanny but they all seem to charge £10 per hour, making it considerably more at £2166 per month, if we could find one.

I earn £1700 pm after tax, DH £2000. DH's salary is currently used up - almost to the penny - on mortgage and bills. Mine could pay for nursery/school clubs with £300 pm over, it couldn't afford a nanny.

Even with the nursery/clubs idea not sure how I could physically pick get/pick up baby from nursery and then do the 4.5 miles to school within school club constraints of 8-6 and work constraints of 9-5. & I don't currently drive.

Obvious answer seems to be - become stay at home mum. Which i'd hate as I love my career. But obviously children come first. However, if we did this, DH's entire salary will be gone on mortgage/bills, we'll have nothing at all left except child benefit. Not sure how I'd afford to run a car / bus fares to get DS to/from school 4.5 miles away, no chance of moving closer if I leave work as can't get mortgage without joint salary. DS costs us an additional £70 pw in petrol as his dad lives 2 hours away & we do the journey to drop him off (exP brings him back) every week...not sure how we'd afford that.

Please please help/advise, can't stop crying or get my head around it

Sorry for long post....

Could you reduce your outgoings a little... get rid of sky tv etc.

Have you looked into a childminder, someone to watch the baby all day and cover wrap around for your DS? Plenty of childminders do the nursery and school runs.

Sorry hit send too quickly.

You will get there but things may be tight for a while. Could you take driving lessons now or during maternity leave?

Try not to panic. There are things you can do. and I'm an absolute bugger for midnight fretting

You and H are entitled to ask for flexible working hours - could this be a goer to save some money on childcare? Say he starts earlier and picks up the DC, you drop them off? Is there a closer school DS could go to?

Go through all your bills and see where you can cut back (most people can save on food, for example). There are loads of ideas on MoneySavingExpert.

Keep plugging away at learning to drive. If your H is the patient sort he can help by taking you out for extra (cheap!) practice.

Chin up love.

How about a childminder that does school pick ups/ drop offs. Not sure how costs would compare but it could take some of the stress out of picking up if both children were together.

I know lots of people go interest only on their mortgage whilst childcare costs are high could that be an option?

Would it be possible between you & DH to get some flexibility into your hours so to arrange drop offs/ pick ups? For example DH starts later than me and always drops off, I can finish earlier, because i can start earlier so always pick up.

There will be a way to work it out, it can just be really hard to think of it when you're upset.

go to Money saving expert forums, ask there the people are amazing.

you don't mention your job role, could it be done freelance, or from home, I have just found out after 2 years in the UK my job is moving more to the home environment, telephone based, and pays more than I do oddly, not sure I agree, but my current job does not accommodate this at all, so I am seriously considering this, even though I love my job and I will get zero job satisfaction from the telephone route but I would get a home life.

Child minder, you can't just jump into this but if you enjoy children other than your own, could keep the wolf from the door, my child minder is fantastic, first time i met her she said it wasn't a career choice but she didn't earn enough to keep working, but couldn't afford to give up earning.

look at party selling, my cousin does this, it is just pin money but she can afford the odd treat through this.

check if you are entitled to any benefits if you aren't working unlikely these days but worth a punt.

hang in there, chin up, you will work it out you are clearly not an ostrich :0)

Thank you all :( I'm not sure where we could cut sufficient costs really - I'm v frugal as it is...we shop for family of 3 on £40 pw, not sure we can go much lower than that.

Id love DS to go to school closer but our catchment schools are really so notoriously bad we just couldn't do it. Not 'stuck up parent' bad, really truly special measures awful bad - hence him going miles away.

Just don't know what to do, feel like my mums really dumped us in it though of course it's not her fault - she's under no obligation to us at all & she's not well

I think the only thing will be to stay at home & hope we make ends meet. So gutted, I love my job so much I could try to get some freelance work on the side in that I do - what do people do with baby whilst freelancing?

If you have to get back to work I'd look at the cost of a CM who is near to Ds's school and would do drop off pick up, and watch the baby, that way it's one drop off instead of two different places and one pick up too.
The once you have priced that, go from there.

www.hmrc.gov.uk/calcs/ccin.htm

www.entitledto.co.uk/

check out these websites for tax credits or childcare vouchers to help with costs if childcare.

I would be looking at a childminder. You might be able to find one that lives near u and would be happy doing the school run then u could just get bus to work.

Definitely what you need is a childminder who drops off & picks up at your son's school.

You/DP take baby and DS to childminder for 8am.
Childminder drops DS to school.
Childminder looks after baby.
Childminder picks up DS from school
You/DP collect both kids from the same place at 6pm.

My childminder was better value for money -- cheaper than a nursery place and, IMO, significantly better for my DCs, especially when babies. I would have chosen a childminder for a baby (or under 2-yr-old) every time over a nursery. One person to get to know, to love and love your child in return, home from home environment and plenty of outings, playgroups, parks. What's not to like?

Don't panic! You have time to sort this.

If you would only get £310 after child care, you may as well be a SAHM for the duration of statutory maternity pay (9 months) rather than go back at 6 months (depending when you start your leave).

Presume you both take any child care vouchers you can too. Isf so your husband (and potentially yourself depending on finances at the time) could continue to accrue these whilst on maternity leave to use on your return to work.

I don't think it makes sense for you to give up work, even with the sums you've given us, you'd still have £300 left over. It sounds like in your heart you actually do want to stay home ( despite some misgivings about the job) and you are trying to use economic argument to convince your DH. If that's not the case, I would be investigating the child minder option seriously right now.

I would start looking now for a childminder because there are good ones around and truly awful ones, you do not want to be stuck with having to choose from the best of a bad bunch.
Ask around for recommendations.
This will be as bad as it gets financially and once this is behind you you'll look back with your lovely children and be glad you stayed at work to fund lots of lovely treats and a good lifestyle for you all.

Why are your bills 2000? That's very high. Anything we could help you but down on?

300 extra a month does at least mean spending money doesn't it, and it isn't forever - just for the first 3 years before free hours kick in.

You're in better position thanmost, I know very few people who 'only' work 9-5. We would have to actually say for me to return to work! I'd be back in a shot in wor situation!! unless of course you'd rather stay at home in which case that's fine too.

Firstly, I think you are being very wise planning ahead. I think the CM advice is excellent and the staggering of your and DM work hours. I also know of very few people who work 9-5, even if these are their hours the 'expectations' are that they work extra hours for free. Good luck and congratulations on your new baby.

Say -pay
Wor -your.

Grr. Baby awake and I need sleep!

Thank you again all. I will look into childminders tonight rather than nannies - do you know whether cms charge per child or is their hourly rate fixed per family? If its per child the price is actually pretty much the same as two in nursery but presumably additional costs for food etc on top?

For those thinking I secretly want to stay at home....couldn't be further from the truth I'm afraid. I really do adore my job & have worked very hard to get to it starting as a single mum with DS. But I would do what needed to be done.

Our £2k per month outgoings are largely mortgage (we live South East) on a 2 bed and a box room house. Then obviously gas, water, electricity. Unfortunately we do have an elderly dog who costs us in vets bills :( & huge petrol outgoings for DH commute to work & ferrying DS 4 hr round trip every week to his fathers.

Maybe you're right £300 over is worth working for but I still can't see how that can cover £280 petrol for DS, running a car (or bus fare which is £3.75 per day school trip) for me.
Then there really would be nothing.

It all feels really mind blowing & I am sure the hormones aren't helping. DS couldn't care less - but he's not got so much to lose.

I would also look at childminder and flexi hours.

If you both work 8 hours (9-5) your work has to try and accomadate flexi hours nowadays when you have a family.
So maybe you start at 7 finish at 3? Or 8-4? And your dh starts at 10am- 7pm, or 9.30-6.30.. Etc.. Then it would mean no childcare needed in morning and maybe none or just and hour in afternoon. And then baby in. Childcare less hours also if dropped say 9am by one parent and picked up 4pm by another.

Also look at bills and household stuff again. We are central London ( aka next to Hyde park), and our rent and bills around the same so I would think a little cheaper in south east

Does your ds's dad not contribute?

If the cost is similar or less a child minder is the best option. Apart from advantages mentioned above it is nice for siblings to be together. Also remember that finances for child case will ease somewhat as the kids get older.

Could you work over 4 days to cut costs a bit?

Seriously, have you looked round schools closer to home?

Childminders charges vary, dont be put off if they are advertising per hour - which works out more than nursery- they often have set day rates.

www.approvedhomechildcare.com/

I got sent this at work, its childcare in your own home so just pay a set fee no matter howany children. This is for northern ireland but bound.to be something similar in england. Would be perfect for you as loys of them have cars so they could do school run for you.

Can you sell and move closer to school I had this lovely experience when 8 months pregnant with DD, 4.5 miles is a big commute in morning traffic for yourself, baby and work commitment esp if you cannot get your license in time.

Morning, I have been looking into childminders whilst I consider when to go back to longer hours at work. In my area most offer sibling discount. I would be looking at £320pw for full time childcare for DD2 and wrap around care for DS and DD1.
Making it £260pw for fulltime childcare for the baby and wrap around care for your DS. Plus if you use childcare vouchers you could save another £30ish a week by paying pre tax. I would suggest saving the £30 a week towards holiday childcare.
I think it is a decent option and would save you around £200 a month (plus you would have over £1000 set aside to help cover holiday care.

Is there no way DS's father can help with the costs of childminder/petrol costs for school run? Surely those things are a joint responsibility?