To be panicking over how we'll afford it - please help!

[BoyMeetsWorld]

Really hoping some of you are up at this time of night to offer advice / talk sense into me.

I'm pregnant so may be partly hormones but i can't sleep, having a massive panic attack over how we'll afford things when baby comes. Would love some solid advice not just 'oh you'll manage, everybody does somehow'.

DS (4) has got a school place from sept 4.5 miles from our home. Before & after school clubs would be £60 pw which is obviously very good (if only paying one childcare) but apart from cost there's a waiting list so no guarantees. The school is in the opposite direction from our work - so 20 min drive there, 30 min drive back the opposite way. I currently don't drive though am trying best to learn fast. DH works 1 hour away. Both of us have standard 9-5 hours.

DM moved up here recently and had said she's do wrap around care for which I know we'd be v v v lucky. She's now said she won't (she suffers a variety of mental health issues). Full time childcare for baby at 6 months old (meaning 10 hours per week from 6 months, no option at my work to go part time) would be £250 per week. Add to that the wraparound care for DS = £310 pw on childcare, not accounting for school holidays.

So...£1343 per month on nursery & school clubs.
We have considered a nanny but they all seem to charge £10 per hour, making it considerably more at £2166 per month, if we could find one.

I earn £1700 pm after tax, DH £2000. DH's salary is currently used up - almost to the penny - on mortgage and bills. Mine could pay for nursery/school clubs with £300 pm over, it couldn't afford a nanny.

Even with the nursery/clubs idea not sure how I could physically pick get/pick up baby from nursery and then do the 4.5 miles to school within school club constraints of 8-6 and work constraints of 9-5. & I don't currently drive.

Obvious answer seems to be - become stay at home mum. Which i'd hate as I love my career. But obviously children come first. However, if we did this, DH's entire salary will be gone on mortgage/bills, we'll have nothing at all left except child benefit. Not sure how I'd afford to run a car / bus fares to get DS to/from school 4.5 miles away, no chance of moving closer if I leave work as can't get mortgage without joint salary. DS costs us an additional £70 pw in petrol as his dad lives 2 hours away & we do the journey to drop him off (exP brings him back) every week...not sure how we'd afford that.

Please please help/advise, can't stop crying or get my head around it

Sorry for long post....

Extend the mortgage/mortgage holiday/interest only?

How much maintenance do you get? Can you get more?

Go and look at the schools you think are not good enough. Ask to sit in some lessons.
Look at other schools that are better than your local ones but are in the same direction as your work, rather than the opposite direction.

If you and DP can't each do a start and finish later so that you do one pick up/drop off each, can you renegotiate hours so that you do a few less hours, so that you can do either/both drop off or pick up. Less salary but less childcare.

Think about offering a recipricol arrangement for childcare in the holidays so that you/Dp care for other children during a week or two of your leave from work and they care for yours for a week or two?

For me personally £300 is not a fair trade for all the extra effort required to go to work and put kids into after school clubs etc. Simply too much stress for £10/day.

Can your husband not lift share to work and halve travelling costs?

www.liftshare.com/uk/

How about remortgaging and extending the term?

Is it possible to do your work (or similar) part time in the evening?

Is it possible for your husband to change jobs or go contracting (if this is an option).

300 may not seem a lot to you, but if the husbands wages are already spoken for in bills its the difference between no money and 300!

Can you look at placing your son at local school just for the reception/y1 part of his education, you could still ensure his education is topped up at home. Even with the problems of work a 4.5 mile school run with no car and a baby does not seem realistic. Is the second car you will need when you pass your test included in your costing?

Personally, if you are set on that school I would think you should look at moving closer to it. It's a lot of juggling doing what you plan now, but 3 years down the line it is going to be harder as your DS is not going to be so keen in being in ASC until 6pm when his friends are all going off to activities etc. If that's not possible then a childminder is your best bet. Or move home and school closer to your work.

£300 is a lot of money. I've been there myself (and on less money than the OP is talking about) but there is always a way.

For instance, the OP earns about £27k in order to see £1700pcm (although admittedly I know nothing about her pension etc. so could be more/less). She's losing about £6k pa in tax/NI contributions. If she went part time and worked her tax code then she'd take home more and spend more time with her children, they would spend more time with her and she would potentially have a less stressful life not having to think about juggling a 9-5 etc.

If husband were able to lift share then fuel/servicing would reduce and if they could remortgage (obviously before dropping the salary) then there would be more money to go round.

Part-time in the evenings I mean.

4.5 miles is not that far though is it? (In Australia, so by our standards it's a bike ride away and many kids do that sort of distance). Does his school have a transport program? Worth looking into that. It might be hard to find a childminder willing to go 4.5 miles to the school but perhaps you could find one closer that would be willing to take/pick up your children for longer hours e.g 7:30am - 6:30pm.

Have you looked to see if you can get a better deal on mortgage/bills? Mortgage rates are lower now than even 3-4 years ago so that could save you a fortune.

move to being as near to the school as possible,

There are 180 school days a year, you will be doing the trip twice a day, for the next ten/fifteen years, it would still be the 30 minutes to work, but you will save 40 minutes a day (20 min each way), 1800/2,700 times, not to mention all the school related activities, and saving on fuel costs.

So either rent your house out, and rent one, sell and buy, sell and rent, sell and buy an investment rental, and rent yourself.

If you are near to the school, you will find a close by childminder who will be able to cover for fewer hours, and be able to do sickness pickups.

Trouble with 4.5 miles on a bike is that 4.5 miles down a pleasant cycle path with baby in a trailer is OK (except in sleet when it's just vile), but 4.5 miles down a dual carriageway is a no-go.

OP, I'm another one who suggests you don't give up on your job. I did I couldn't get my head round the mileage, the childcare, the hours, al on top of the sheer knackeredness but I've never managed to work back up to anything like my previous earnings, and my oldest is in 6th form. Seriously, you could be looking at a far greater long-term loss here.

You have nearly a year on Mat leave, presumably. Don't panic yet. Try it and see how it goes, and keep a beady eye on the nearer schools. If a really good head and lots of cash are thrown at them, them could come leaping out of special measures before that year is up; or you could spot a nearer house; or your mum might decide she can do two days a week; or a family you meet at toddler group could turn out to want a nanny share.

Yep - £300 is better than nothing. £450 with childcare vouchers.
I know your mum is not very well but maybe she could manage one or two days a week? Even if it's only drop off/pick up.
Does you H have to drive to work and would public transport be cheaper?(suspect I know the answer to that one!)

Make a list of all your bills and have a look at Uswitch, Topcashback and Quidco (give H half the list to do ). You may be able to save a tenner here and there and it all adds up. Get rid of anything you don't absolutely need e.g. Sky, expensive mobile contracts.

Would DS's dad pick him up more often? It's 50/50 at the moment? I assume he'll be having DS for part of the school holidays?

Practice living on H's salary plus £300 plus CB and see if you can do it. Stash whats left of your salary in a savings account.

Finally - congratulations on the baby. I should have said that earlier.

have you checked as to whether or not you are entitled to any help from the government? or your work for that matter like childcare vouchers?

If I were you I would sell the house and move to a small flat, the kids could share a bedroom and you and dp could sleep on a sofa bed. Just as a short term solution, you don't really need a 3 bedroom house.

1. Your DH needs to look for a job closer to home, without the massive commute and associated travel costs.

Why should you be the one to shoulder all the worry and sacrifice? You both need to make adjustments. My DH works in London and spends £400/month on a season ticket for the trains. He adores his job but even he has finally conceded that it's not working for our family to be spending that much on his travel, so he's looking for work where we live. Even with a small pay cut from losing the London premium, we'll still be better off on balance.

2. You could downsize and move somewhere smaller for a few years.

The kids can share a bedroom. It will not be the end of the world for them to do so. It's not an appealing option, I know, but if it's the difference between being able to afford to eat or not, it's a worthwhile sacrifice. If you move somewhere smaller that is closer to your other child's school, that's another saving on travel cost and time.

3. Check what you may be eligible for in terms of tax credits, salary sacrifice schemes for childcare etc. There IS help out there if you look for it.

I'm a sod for panicking over everything in the middle of the night and had a similar worry about childcare and my work when pregnant with dc4. In the end I gave up work to be a SAHM and while I miss my job terribly, I'm glad to not have the stress of balancing nurseries and school runs, childcare fees, travel costs etc. Really looking forward to the youngest starting school so I can go back to work though!

Whatever you end up doing, it will only be for a few years. Cutting back is never fun, but it's not the end of the world and it's not for the rest of your life.

To everyone who us saying sell up and m

Sorry! Sell up and move... I'm sure it's not as easy as that. Costs of moving in itself are high enough, and that's assuming they find someone to buy their house!

Have I missed a post about maintenance? Does your ds's father not pay anything? And why are you having to bear the huge petrol cost of his access to ds?

Could you squeeze in a lodger/mature student? You can keep around £4k before you pay any tax I think.

Sorry everyone, been in work so unable to reply but have read all your advice and will try to reply to some of the recurrent q's...

*ExP does contribute fairly to maintenance - or at least as fairly as CSA would enforce, though obviously he's under no obligation to help me pay for childcare etc. He earns a far lower salary than me and pays £40 per week. It used to be £50 but he couldn't afford that. We split transport exactly 50/50 so are all doing a 4 hour trip each week and it was our choice (perhaps stupidly) to move to the south for DH's work - used to live minutes away from ExP. you have all made a v good point though that I was completely forgetting maintenance as income - that's £160 per month, which doesn't cover the petrol but is something.

*no we don't have a spare room for a lodger, unless the kids share but our box room is so incredibly tidy (it's a study really - can fit a cot in it but not a single bed) that nobody could rent it.

*We are definitely looking to sell & move closer to the school but we can't 'rely' on that: baby due in 5 months, our house was on the market 2 years before we bought it!!! Plus once I go into maternity / not working we won't be eligible for a mortgage on 2 or 3 bed properties around here. If at all possible we really don't want the kids sharing, only for the reason that with DS going to his dads so much we think it's v disruptive & will make him feel like his home is less his than the other child's. However terrible things get, 4 of us in a 1 bed flat really isn't an option for us...I think we'd move back north before resorting to that.

*whoever said that I'd have more 'take home' if I went part time - that's really interesting...id presumed it would be the opposite? But I'll def look into it & suggest it to my employers. I think they'd be flexible to a point as they want to keep me. But I don't know how much.

*agree with everyone who says leaving work should be an absolute last resort - my sector (digital technology) moves very fast & 5 years out could really ruin me. I've worked v v hard to get to manager level and if I can possibly hold onto it I want to.

*i think our best option is prob the childminder - frantically searching & placing job ads now, there seem to be v v few covering the school area or who could guarantee they'd have space for baby as well 6 months later. Paying the childminder rates of £5 per child per hour would solve the school runs issue to a point and still leave that £300 over which even if wiped out by fuel to DS' dads & to the childminder would be better than leaving work.

Thanks for your thoughts

Have you considered a live in nanny. Obviously more mature/experienced than an au pair - and hence would cost more - but would be cheaper than live out nanny and possibly cheaper than childminder and wrap around care.

For those who say "doesn't the father contribute" it's not really relevant if you share money unless he spends a lot of money on luxuries which doesn't seem to be the case here. Eg if my DH contributed to the childcare I would have to contribute an equal amount to the mortgage and bills!

I think also need to live as close as possible to school or its all going to be too stressful.

forever I think those posters were asking about her son's dad, not her current partner.

You are obviously thinking very logically about your situation - looking at childminders was certainly my initial thought. I would also look at the local schools. My sons went to First and Middle schools rated ad good or outstanding - they were very happy but not without fault. Now they go to the local senior school which has gone from good with oustanding features to special measures this January. My sons are still happy and doing well with very good gcse predictions.There are some issues but these are being rapidly addressed as is usual in this situatiion.
I think its really worth going to look at the schools close by. You may find that when you visit you get a good feel about what you see - as we did when we went to the high school. Read the ofsteds carefully before hand - the staff there should be able to answer your questions about specific issues. You might be pleasantly surprised.
One other point is that it might be unrealistic to expect that you can get a place at a school 4.5 miles away. Does this better school not have a catchment? If you are still set on this school moving house may he the other option.
Good luck!

Sorry just re-read your post! You have a place for September already - that changes things!!