To be panicking over how we'll afford it - please help!

[BoyMeetsWorld]

Really hoping some of you are up at this time of night to offer advice / talk sense into me.

I'm pregnant so may be partly hormones but i can't sleep, having a massive panic attack over how we'll afford things when baby comes. Would love some solid advice not just 'oh you'll manage, everybody does somehow'.

DS (4) has got a school place from sept 4.5 miles from our home. Before & after school clubs would be £60 pw which is obviously very good (if only paying one childcare) but apart from cost there's a waiting list so no guarantees. The school is in the opposite direction from our work - so 20 min drive there, 30 min drive back the opposite way. I currently don't drive though am trying best to learn fast. DH works 1 hour away. Both of us have standard 9-5 hours.

DM moved up here recently and had said she's do wrap around care for which I know we'd be v v v lucky. She's now said she won't (she suffers a variety of mental health issues). Full time childcare for baby at 6 months old (meaning 10 hours per week from 6 months, no option at my work to go part time) would be £250 per week. Add to that the wraparound care for DS = £310 pw on childcare, not accounting for school holidays.

So...£1343 per month on nursery & school clubs.
We have considered a nanny but they all seem to charge £10 per hour, making it considerably more at £2166 per month, if we could find one.

I earn £1700 pm after tax, DH £2000. DH's salary is currently used up - almost to the penny - on mortgage and bills. Mine could pay for nursery/school clubs with £300 pm over, it couldn't afford a nanny.

Even with the nursery/clubs idea not sure how I could physically pick get/pick up baby from nursery and then do the 4.5 miles to school within school club constraints of 8-6 and work constraints of 9-5. & I don't currently drive.

Obvious answer seems to be - become stay at home mum. Which i'd hate as I love my career. But obviously children come first. However, if we did this, DH's entire salary will be gone on mortgage/bills, we'll have nothing at all left except child benefit. Not sure how I'd afford to run a car / bus fares to get DS to/from school 4.5 miles away, no chance of moving closer if I leave work as can't get mortgage without joint salary. DS costs us an additional £70 pw in petrol as his dad lives 2 hours away & we do the journey to drop him off (exP brings him back) every week...not sure how we'd afford that.

Please please help/advise, can't stop crying or get my head around it

Sorry for long post....

Haha thanks spring, yes we already have a place. There was only a choice of 2 local schools if we'd stayed within catchment - one is only 'satisfactory' but still so over subscribed that even catchment area children almost never get in, it goes to all the kids in care & sibling placements first. The reason that one is so in demand despite being not great is that the other one is truly awful...if your child is disabled/behavioural issues it might be ok, but this is what it specialises in plus 70% of the children there speak very little English. So the school is notorious that any English speaking, non-disabled, non special issues children get completely neglected.

So really we had little choice. Yes it was stupid that we bought this house 3 years ago without checking out schools but as we were still 3 years off it didn't really occur to us and we would move now but it's not so simple due to chance of selling / mortgage issues once I'm on maternity....

£70pw for 4 hours driving is an awful lot. What car do you have? Could you downgrade/switch to a more economical model? I can easily do 8/9 hours driving on a full tank in mine, which costs about £75. But I have an Eco model.

Could you negotiate with your ex to have one less weekend per month just temporarily and longer in the holidays perhaps? Or are there public transport options you could consider? A train ticket booked well in advance could be cheaper.

Also - ask for a raise, both of you.

Work part time but longer days?

Wow, I wish just asking for a raise was that simple lol!!! I'm on a pretty good salary tbh for my length of experience. Guess DH could try asking!!

Unfortunately we can't switch cars as DH gets it through his work - the fuel is the only thing we have to pay for on it, so we are lucky in that respect

Have you factored in child benefit ?

would you not be eligible for help towards your childcare costs once dc2 has arrived and your childcar increases?

Are there any schools worth considering near where you work so it reduces the length of time the CM is needed for after school care?

Being on mat leave shouldn't affect your chances of getting another mortgage, if you are planning on going back.

Primallass - really? Are you sure? We were led to believe that we'll only be assessed on total household income as of at the time of assessment to ensure we could afford payments & DH's salary alone wouldn't be enough. Id still be on the payroll essentially at my work...it would be great if you're right!