To be panicking over how we'll afford it - please help!

[BoyMeetsWorld]

Really hoping some of you are up at this time of night to offer advice / talk sense into me.

I'm pregnant so may be partly hormones but i can't sleep, having a massive panic attack over how we'll afford things when baby comes. Would love some solid advice not just 'oh you'll manage, everybody does somehow'.

DS (4) has got a school place from sept 4.5 miles from our home. Before & after school clubs would be £60 pw which is obviously very good (if only paying one childcare) but apart from cost there's a waiting list so no guarantees. The school is in the opposite direction from our work - so 20 min drive there, 30 min drive back the opposite way. I currently don't drive though am trying best to learn fast. DH works 1 hour away. Both of us have standard 9-5 hours.

DM moved up here recently and had said she's do wrap around care for which I know we'd be v v v lucky. She's now said she won't (she suffers a variety of mental health issues). Full time childcare for baby at 6 months old (meaning 10 hours per week from 6 months, no option at my work to go part time) would be £250 per week. Add to that the wraparound care for DS = £310 pw on childcare, not accounting for school holidays.

So...£1343 per month on nursery & school clubs.
We have considered a nanny but they all seem to charge £10 per hour, making it considerably more at £2166 per month, if we could find one.

I earn £1700 pm after tax, DH £2000. DH's salary is currently used up - almost to the penny - on mortgage and bills. Mine could pay for nursery/school clubs with £300 pm over, it couldn't afford a nanny.

Even with the nursery/clubs idea not sure how I could physically pick get/pick up baby from nursery and then do the 4.5 miles to school within school club constraints of 8-6 and work constraints of 9-5. & I don't currently drive.

Obvious answer seems to be - become stay at home mum. Which i'd hate as I love my career. But obviously children come first. However, if we did this, DH's entire salary will be gone on mortgage/bills, we'll have nothing at all left except child benefit. Not sure how I'd afford to run a car / bus fares to get DS to/from school 4.5 miles away, no chance of moving closer if I leave work as can't get mortgage without joint salary. DS costs us an additional £70 pw in petrol as his dad lives 2 hours away & we do the journey to drop him off (exP brings him back) every week...not sure how we'd afford that.

Please please help/advise, can't stop crying or get my head around it

Sorry for long post....

Also could you both work longer hours over 4 days instead of 9-5 mon-fri? If you both do that it leaves only 3 days of childcare needed ( and try and flexi those hours a little so one starts v early and one finishes late, or alternate)

Start getting childcare care vouchers from your/dp employer now and stockpile them.

Look at CM.

Stay off for the whole 39 weeks SMP with this baby - you're doing yourself out of money otherwise.

Arrange staggered hours/condensed hours/flexi hours for when you do return. Seriously consider requesting even slightly reduced hours - you have rights as a parent.

Look into underpaying your mortgage or taking a payment holiday/paying interest only to get you through this bit.

Consider making extra money without having to work ie lodger, host language students/pgce students, rent out your drive or parking space, loft, garage. Walk another dog with yours, look into getting approval from council to operate as a CM for older children (less arduous process) and do droo off or pick for other children at same school which would pay for your journey.

Can you stockpile childcare vouchers? Thr money gpes straight from my employer to my childcare every month.

I think it would be unwise in this climate to give up a job you love and I would definitely explore reducing your mortgage payment for a while. My husband was made redundant and if I hadn't gone back to work FT we would be totally screwed.

Another who suggests keeping the job.

Was part time not an option?

Yes, you can. You can arrange to have an online account that you manage payments from. We do this as have 2 dcs and 3 settings to pay, varying amounts each month. We often have a surplus, and we saved dhs during my mat leave.

Could you move to somewhere closer to better schools? I do freelance work when DS is asleep, but it sounds like you would rather stay full time. Is it your career that is inflexible with hours or just your current company?

I think you should go and look at the closer schools. You are making your life more difficult than it needs to be.

I took my dd out of an 'outstanding' school and into a 'failing' school after half a term when I realised that they relied almost solely on the middle-class parents raising the standards at home. The teaching, if you could call it that, was poor and so very dull.

Agree with seriously looking at closer schools too. Special measures often means your dc benefitting from amazing teaching and resources. Do a risk:benefit analysis, does all the logistical hassle and expense really outweigh the perceived negatives of a nearee school?

My (fab) childminder charges a full-day rate of £47 for a baby/preschooler, which includes all meals and groups i.e. no hidden extras, charges a rate for drop-off and school pick-up wraparound cheaper than after school club,including a hot evening meal, and offers discounts for a full-time place and also a sibling discount. And takes childcare vouchers. Def cheaper than nursery, and more flexible.

A few people have mentioned childcare vouchers but in case you don't know what they are it's a salary sacrifice system that you and your partner can both do NOW.

You both can put up to £124 a month each (possibly more so please double check) into childcare vouchers and you will not be taxed on this amount, so whilst you have £248 to spend on childcare you will only have about £180 less in wages coming home.

If you start doing this from your july wages then come Sept you'll already have nearly £500 to spend on childcare. All Ofsted registered childcare providers should take them.

HTH.

Ps that's London prices, btw. Nursery places worked out around £55-60 equivalent.

Why don't you work evenings ? I do that. Left my job after having 2nd child. Now work in a supermarket. O.k. not very glam but it does mean we don't pay out for childcare and we get discount on our weekly shop. Plus i get to be there for the children during the day. I plan on going back to what i did before now that they are older.

What about doing that ?

Have you considered an au pair? Depends if you have a spare room, but far cheaper than nannies.

Did you mean your dh couldn't care less? If so, he bloody should.

Some good suggestions upthread. I also would recommend a childminder but it'd probably have to be one near your ds's school so as to be able to do the school runs easily. Most cms specify schools they'll pick up from.

Childcare vouchers continue throughout maternity leave too. When you're on smp only, you still get the vouchers on top of the benefit as it's a salary sacrifice scheme and you're not technically earning a salary so don't have to sacrifice any smp. I wish my dp would claim them (his company won't) because it saves us £70 a month.

Compare childcare vouchers versus the child care element of tax credits - there is a calculator linked to on the money saving expert website. Mse reckons that tax credits are better value for family incomes of up to 42k - and more for 2 children not sure how that fits in with your income but worth checking. Otherwise get on the childcare voucher scheme. Don't forget you will have child benefit as well.

Yes, what he others said:

Get childcare vouchers, you save loads
Get a CM near your DS's school. Ours is £4 an hour first child and £3.50 siblings.
Don't give up work if you really don't want to. That is the way to unhappiness.

The way we run it is- DH does four long days compressed hours and is at home Frdays. Monday - Thursday he does mornings and drops off at 7.30, I work 7-3 and pick up. Works very well. Would somethig like that be possible with your jobs?

You can have what you most want....but not everything you want :)

You need to make a list of priorities:

School
Career: yours and DH's
Free time

And then work out what you most want. You can't have DS in the best school and have your career and free time.

If you decide the school is most important, you / DH needs to get a second job, part time work, start doing car boot sales etc. to make extra cash to cover the expenses. Less free time, more pressure on the family.

If you decide to move DS to a local, less good school, that's less money on petrol and less daily stress.

Etc.

Decide what is top of your list of priorities and flex your situation accordingly.

Dont quit your job.

The next couple of years will be hard, you just have to work through it. But dont quit your job.

Can you ask for an arrangement where you work from home once a week?

Not sure where your head was when you planned where to live, where to work, what school to chose, and not drive, though.

Special measures doesn't necessarily mean bad- it can mean that it was bad and loads of things are being done to improve- new head, new staff, lots of resources.

Extend your mortgage?

Have you considered condensed hours? I looked at going back 3 days a week but 24/40 of my pay didn't leave me much after 3 days childcare so I went back for 2 10 hours days instead so I get 20/40 of my pay and only 2 days childcare to pay, however that does mean DH has to finish before 5 those days to pick up DD from nursery as I am chained to my desk.

Maybe you could do your hours in 4 days which would reduce your childcare bill by 20% while not affecting salary?

My friend plans to do similar but also her DH is condensing his hours down to 4 or 4.5 days a week to make a further saving on childcare.

Good luck with it whatever you decide, sounds like you have a bit of time to mull it over anyway.

You can't have an au pair looking after a child under 2 unattended so that wouldn't work with the baby

I think you need to speak to DS' father regarding the wrap around care. The options are that either he dies some if the pick ups and drop offs or chips in for the after school care. Why is this only your responsibility? Did you pay all nursery fees yourself?

DS' father can get child care vouchers too

But the au pair could do the school run with the 4 year old, and look after him at home instead of after school club. She could take him to the park, for play dates, etc after school. This is feasible for an au pair to do.

I support the CM idea - and mine charges by the hour per child but food and groups are included so that's not an extra cost. I supply nappies but since I use Lidl nappies (I'm positively evangelical about Lidl nappies - they're brilliant) that helps keep the costs down.

While your organisations mightn't be up for fully flexible working (remember you have the right to ask but they don't have to grant), what about you going in earlier and leaving earlier and the opposite for your DH. I'm at my desk at 7.30 and leave just before five, and DH does drop off. DH arrives around nine and leaves at seven or eight, or ten, I bloody hate year end and I do pick up. Except for Mondays when we swap so I can go to the gym! We don't see much of each other during the week admittedly, but it means that we both get to spend a bit of time with DD properly at either end of the day which we really enjoy.

I second childcare vouchers - and remember, if you sign up for them now, your company should continue to pay your contributions when you're on maternity leave as they can't discount anything from your SMP and can't stop your benefits. That might help a bit?

I'm sure there is a way around this OP - we live in London BTW and our CM costs £6 an hour.

Au pair?