to think Oh shouldn't have done this without asking me first?

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Basically, it's my birthday this weekend and I had planned to go out for breakfast with my parents, and sister, BIL, nephew and OH.
We were round at FIL 's last week and my parents called to say they couldn't make breakfast, I told OH and we got on to the topic of how nice the breakfasts at this particular place were. He then proceeded to invite his DF and partner to my birthday breakfast. I don't have any problem with his family but would have preferred he asked me first. I've since mentioned this to him, he went off in a strop, accused me of not liking is DF and has stormed out the house an hour and a half earlier than normal saying "I'll just wait in the car park, it's better than being here" after calling me selfish for not wanting any of his family there (which I never said). Now, I have this group of people coming who barely know each other when all I was looking forward to was breakfast out with my sister and her family. Am I just being petty and over-emotional?

simething totally with you on this one. I would have been the exact same.

1. Birthdays are special in my household
2. DH's family and my family don't mix. Therefore the whole would be totall awkward for all.

If only your dh's father was busy that day and sent apologies. wishful thinking.

Hope all turn out well despite the situation and you have. Lovely bday.

Excuse all the errors. Typing is a shambles today.

Do you like your OHs DF?

"First birthday as a mummy" made me feel a bit sick. YABU.

I too find it a bit cringeworthy when grown women make a fuss of it being their birthday! I have a friend who does this and it's just so

Just be glad people want to go out and spend time in your company! IMO you sound very previous about it being your birthday! You are not 8!

I can't understand why you can't have the party on your birthday, and have a special time on another day.

I make a fuss over my birthday, as I am generally unappreciated, so I think I deserve one day. However, I don't expect it to be on my actual birthday, just a weekend day somewhere nearby.

birthdays are all about growing up

OP, YANBU to wish he'd spoken to you first. But he didn't and unless you think he was acting with malicious intent, you should be talking to your OH. Not getting more & more wound up here about it.

To be fair, OP isn't getting wound up and the crux of her AIBU was really about whether or not her OH should have checked in with her before inviting someone else to her breakfast plans. The fact that she celebrates her birthday and some of you don't, is irrelevant. Birthdays are a big deal in my family and if I make plans with chosen people, I, too, would be a bit pissed off if someone else altered then without checking in with me.
And as for saying that the OP is planning to enjoy her first birthday as a mummy makes you feel a bit sick - is there any need for that? I was thrilled to bits when I got my first "mummy" birthday card. It's not a bloody crime to be looking forward to a birthday and for being pleased to have a baby!
OP, as I said before yanbu - if my sister and BIL were coming to spend time with me and then my DH randomly invited a couple of his family members and THEN sulked when I challenged him, I would also feel a little put out.

If it's really not a big deal, like you say, YABU.

Your DP's family are important.

However, your birthday, do what you want

" i don't see that as rude and neither did anyone else."

Maybe they do-they just haven't said.

Either way it led to birthday plans being discussed in front of FIL & him being invited by your husband.

So maybe more discretion on your part in future?

I don't see going out for breakfast as 'making a huge fuss' and I agree that your DH should have asked you first before inviting them. You never know, it could all work out well, but I would be annoyed if mine did this to me because his mum hates me and I would feel on edge all day

YABU......I hope this baby you speak of is a boy, if so good luck being invited to his precious birthday breakfast, his wife my just not want you there, oh well.

Ah but lucille, if it is his birthday meal/breakfast/event then he can invite who he wants surely? Just like the op wants to invite who she wants to her birthday. Not her dhs birthday.

Popadom don't worry about the typing errors. The OP is having exactly the same problem.

YANBU. At all. It was not the best idea to discuss the fact that your parents couldn't make it at that precise moment, but YANBU.

Birthdays matter round here, adult or not, and there is no reason why the two lots of grandparents need to be any more than civil to each other - I don't get this imperative for everyone to play happy families.

I am usually the first to say Yabu on adults stomping their feet regards to their birthdays. But alas, not this time.

In some absurd way it seems perfectly reasonable to get everybody up at the crack of dawn for a birthday breakfast to ensure that baby can also take part, instead of a nervous evening with either a babysitter or a grumpy baby, keeping everybody out till the crack of dawn!

I salute you on your marvelous creative idea!

Embrace his family. Tell OH that you were just disappointed that your own family wont make it, so you snapped. Nothing to do with his. You are delighted they can make it.

On the other hand your FIL may be towing his hands saying "How the EFF did I get roped into a breakfast at Pemberland Lodge at 7 am"

Breakfast parties are an excellent idea. I had several as a student - lots of people had other stuff to do later (including me) so I would make loads of coffee, get some basic supplies in, put my best pyjamas on, and people would bring their own strawberries/croissants/cheap fizz. Happy Memories

I don't get why mentioning it in front of fil would mean he has to be invited. Does this mean that if you mention in front of him that you're going on holiday/out for the day/doing anything he has to be invited?

If pil mentioned they were going out for dinner with bil's family we wouldn't expect to be invited, nor think it rude that they told us.

By Mn logic you can't tell anyone beforehand without inviting them, telling them afterwards is rubbing their face in it, and not telling them at all means you're being secretive and so obviously know you should have invited them

The only way you can win is by either never doing anything with anyone or inviting everyone you've possibly come into contact with.

Absolutely agree, DeWe. It's utter nonsense, isn't it? It would mean that you can't tell anyone anything.

YANBU - having your PIL's changes the vibe and I wouldn't like it either.

ACtually, in your situation, I might cancel the whole thing and do it with just my family on another day

Mind you, I'm in a bad, bad mood today, so I might be BVVVU myself, right now.

He should have asked you first, knowing how you feel and it being your birthday, not his.

Just cancel the whole thing and make new plans :)

... and ignore the odd people that think you shouldn't celebrate birthdays after your 18th! Miserable gits

TBH, if my parents couldn't make it & it was important to me that they were there, then I'd reschedule.

I do agree that it wasn't up to husband to invite FIL, but maybe he felt awkward that it was being discussed & FIL wasn't invited.

OP-did you ask him why he did it?

Will you be arbitrarily inviting your parents to his birthday arrangements!

I think your oh is being unreasonable it's your birthday. But I don't see the big deal with having other people than your family there.