to think that I/we are being pushed out?

[HarrySnotter]

Sounds very childish I know but I'm not sure if I'm being over sensitive.

I have a group of friends who I see regularly and sometimes our partners also get together. Sometimes we go out as couples too. Another woman who I have known for a while but had a different friendship group had a falling out with her friends at the start of the year so we started inviting her and her husband out with us, I have always got on really well with her. Recently they (the woman in particular) seem to have really taken to a particular couple in the group (my close friend) and ask them out a lot - I have absolutely NO problem with this, they can go out with whomever they want obviously, but it seems to be a little secretive on her part, though my other friend tells me. I found out at the weekend that this couple are hosting a drinks party on Friday night and have invited other members of our friendship group apart from us. I feel stupidly hurt by this and although I will off course not say anything, as its entirely up to them who they invite to their house, I feel like we're being pushed put. I probably sound jealous and childish so accept im probably being ridiculous! Am I being oversentitive?

Harry to give you some real hope here myself and best friend met a wendy. I was the target she was trying to ingratiate herself with but I'm a cynical suspicious bitch and found all her creeping and fawning over me irritating. No way on earth was she going to break up our friendship. From what you've said I think you could come out of this with an even stronger friendship. Good luck.

Just wanted to unlurk on this thread to say - Yay. Well done Harry

You've played this really well. When I say 'played' I don't actually think that's an apt description, for what you've actually done is just been yourself, level headed while quietly fighting your corner. Your friend sounds like a goodun.

I agree, don't invite Wendy or ex-friend to the BBQ.

Don't invite Wendy as that gives her a chance to be with your friends again. Invite the new friend but make it clear to her that Wendy won't be there as she may decline thinking that she will be. Once she finds out that she is not invited she may open up more about what happened in her group.

Don't invite Wendy to any more occasions as it will look two faced and you won't relax whilst she is there which may cause you to act different with your friends - which she might use to her advantage.

Been lurking on this thread (having been Wendied myself once or twice over the years!) and so pleased you've handled it so well OP.

Just want to second what Nautica and Pictish have said, don't start trying to set up a revenge trap, that makes you just as bad as Wendy, just leave her out of your plans now and carry on with your life with your friends.

And you know what? I'm really pleased your good friend brought up the party herself, and drew her line in the sand. She is a proper friend.

I agree that it would be horrible to use the new neighbour as part of a power game. Also agree that I wouldn't invite your Wendy to your party, whatever else happens, and it's only fair to fill your new neighbour on what's been happening. Decades on, I still avoid even the slimmest chance of having to connect with my Wendy. I'd leave if she turned up anywhere. I don't care if that's giving her 'power', her games are not the sort I want to play.

That said, it's probably a great idea to offer out a hand to your new neighbour; I hope you do this!

Are you and your bestie (and, ideally, some others from your group) making alternative plans for Friday, harry?

Yay! Great update OP!

Well done Harry and well done to your friend too

Definitely do something else on the Friday

Yes you've got a real true friend there Harry. I'm glad. You're lucky!

I'm another that agrees to only invite ex-friend to the bbq and not Wendy but only because once Wendy releases you've invited ex-friend and not her, she'll know she's been "rumbled" - but oh to be a fly on the wall!

Well done OP

Agree, don't invite Wendy but do invite new neighbour.....

Ah. I can totally see what you all mean, but OP, do you think she'd actually turn up if you did invite her?

Or if you invited her, would she not actually see/realise that she's been rumbled and make a rubbish excuse, thinking you've still got the wool over your eyes?

Invite new neighbour but NOT Wendy to anything ever again. Surely you realise you need to distance yourself from her completely?

I agree that inviting Wendy is a Wendyish thing to do, and you are above that!

Invite other woman if you're sincerely interested in her as a person but not as a pawn.

Yes - new neighbour but not Wendy.

how else will new neighbour be able to spill the beans?

Glad your friend was so loyal.

Blimey - well done Harry! Agree with everyone else, do not invite Wendy to BBQ, just cut her out of your life and continue with your dignified behaviour.

Woop Woop Woop!!!!!!

Lone voice here, but after my Wendy experience, I fear that NOT inviting her will give her an excuse to create more drama and confrontation.
If you DO invite her, and she knows your new neighbour will be there, this means she can turn the invite down and slink away without drawing too much attention to herself.

She can tell herself that she's turned you down, and she'll scuttle off thinking that only you have noticed her shenanigans. Hopefully, never to return.

I don't think you should invite either the new neighbour or Wendy to the BBQ. You have no idea what this woman went through with Wendy or the pain and stress that led to the fall out. To put her in a position where she may be confronted by Wendy at a party full of people she barely knows would be unforgivable in my view. (that's even if you don't invite Wendy as she may turn up.)

I hope this all works out for you OP, it sounds like it is going in the right direction.

But yay to your chums!!!!

Brilliant performance all round!

Blimey....I didn't think of Wendy gatecrashing, Casmama.
Hmmmm.
Maybe you're right.

I know everyone's really pleased with the result, and they want OP to make a nice new friend, but maybe until Wendy is done with, it might be best to leave the newer woman out for a bit.

Thing is, we're not dealing with a regular person here, with normal responses and morals.

Been lurking for a while just wanted to say you've handled it all so well OP hope everything works out and this Wendy gets her comeuppance

Agreed. New neighbour, not Wendy.
Keep her as far away from your life as possible. Give her a chink and she will get back in.
Well done so far, but never relax vigilance.