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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that I/we are being pushed out?

382 replies

HarrySnotter · 10/06/2013 17:35

Sounds very childish I know but I'm not sure if I'm being over sensitive.

I have a group of friends who I see regularly and sometimes our partners also get together. Sometimes we go out as couples too. Another woman who I have known for a while but had a different friendship group had a falling out with her friends at the start of the year so we started inviting her and her husband out with us, I have always got on really well with her. Recently they (the woman in particular) seem to have really taken to a particular couple in the group (my close friend) and ask them out a lot - I have absolutely NO problem with this, they can go out with whomever they want obviously, but it seems to be a little secretive on her part, though my other friend tells me. I found out at the weekend that this couple are hosting a drinks party on Friday night and have invited other members of our friendship group apart from us. I feel stupidly hurt by this and although I will off course not say anything, as its entirely up to them who they invite to their house, I feel like we're being pushed put. I probably sound jealous and childish so accept im probably being ridiculous! Am I being oversentitive?

OP posts:
nauticant · 12/06/2013 16:19

Well done you!

Original poster
HarrySnotter · 12/06/2013 16:26

Another thing I'm considering too
Its my birthday in a few weeks so thought we may plan a BBQ. The ex friend of Wendy's that I was talking to moved about two streets away from me a few weeks ago (I didn't know that til she mentioned it) so I thought I could invite her to the BBQ to be 'neighbourly'.

OP posts:
minouminou · 12/06/2013 16:27

Ding dong!

Make sure you invite Wendy as well. She'll most likely decline, but it'll KILL her to sit wondering what's being said in her absence.

Original poster
HarrySnotter · 12/06/2013 16:35

See I wasn't sure whether to invite Wendy or not because I don't want this other woman to feel like she's being 'set up' or make her uncomfortable.

OP posts:
DustBunnyFarmer · 12/06/2013 16:37

I've been lurking on AIBU for a while but was finally pushed into signing up because I wanted to come on here & congratulate Harry on her first step towards fighting back. It would be even better if you invite Wendy to your BBQ but don't tell her your new neighbour/ex-friend will be there so that you can enjoy her discomfort.

minouminou · 12/06/2013 16:37

I know what you mean - like the other woman's being used as a pawn. I reckon do it, and in the unlikely event Wendy actually accepts, talk to the other woman about it and see how she feels.

She might actually want to front her out.

DustBunnyFarmer · 12/06/2013 16:38

My post crossed yours, by the way Harry. Do what you feel is right, but inviting both of them would show Wendy you mean business.

CelticPixie · 12/06/2013 16:40

Well done OP, and your friend really is a true friend after all backing you up like that. I love it when nasty people get their just deserts.

minouminou · 12/06/2013 16:41

Ooh, yeah. That bitch is going down.

nauticant · 12/06/2013 16:43

Rather than playing around with funny tricks to catch the Wendy out at your BBQ by triumphantly presenting her with evidence of a previous failure, it'll be better to invite just who you want and avoid looking tricky and scheming.

DustBunnyFarmer · 12/06/2013 16:45

Nauticant is right of course. That would be the grown up and responsible thing to do, but it makes for much less exciting AIBU updates. Wink

minouminou · 12/06/2013 16:46

I get what you mean, Nautica, but HS is inviting who she wants - just not who Wendy wants.
Sometimes, you need to, like a PP said, show you mean business.

minouminou · 12/06/2013 16:46

I don't think she'll even turn up, you see.

pictish · 12/06/2013 17:02

Totally agree with nauticant.
I would go so far as to say you shouldn't invite Wendy and ex friend to the same bbq. Does anyone really think ex friend would appreciate it?

Genuine advice here - you have done well. Now sit it out and see what occurs. Wendy is going to rue the day she left you out of the party. She has overplayed her hand. Let it all unfold.

Don't forge a relationship with this other woman because you want to stick the boot in. Don't out-Wendy Wendy, because that's not what this is about. It's not an election for Queen Bitch. Carry on being your good self.

Don't invite them to the same bbq - where I come from, that's known as shit stirring.

WafflyVersatile · 12/06/2013 17:04

Invite the ex friend (if you want to), but not the Wendy. You don't like her so don't invite her to anything from now on. It's up to others whether they invite her to things or not.

Man, some people are weird.

that said I knew a Wendy once when I was young and she was wendyish.

Loa · 12/06/2013 17:05

I wouldn't invite Wendy to anything again - that makes quiet a point all by itself.

I would invite her ex friend to the BBQ and if Wendy did turn up - well you can truthfully tell the new neighbor you didn't invite her but hopefully 'Wendy' would be discourage to do that again.

WinkyWinkola · 12/06/2013 17:07

I wouldn't invite the Wendy. You've rumbled her. She will know in time and you can't pretend to be friends. Just cut her out of your life now. She won't change. Bin her.

BellaVita · 12/06/2013 17:07

Way to go! Grin

You have been very dignified.

Agree with Pictish and Nautica btw.

pictish · 12/06/2013 17:09

Absolutely. Just stop bothering with her.
She'll know why.

sppp · 12/06/2013 17:11

I'm so pleased your friend has decided (of her own accord) not to go to Wendy's party. It must surely make you feel a bit less alone. A small victory, but a very important one. Well done for taking the first step.

cjel · 12/06/2013 17:19

Don't invite new neighbour and wendy, thats just spiteful, new neighbour would be hurt and humiliated. Forget wendy in your life.

WinterWinds · 12/06/2013 17:19

I Wouldn't invite "Wendy" either. By all means if you want to invite ex friend the do. I think it will have more of an impact if "Wendy" later finds out that her ex-friend was invited and she wasn't.

But good on you for standing your ground and also I think it speaks volumes that your friend is willing to back you all the way......That's what true friends do for one another!!

Hullygully · 12/06/2013 17:20

Invite neighbour and not wendy and say nothing

digerd · 12/06/2013 17:30

Her ex-friend said Hell would freeze over before she would have anything to do with Wendy again.
OP you shouldn't even think of inviting her and Wendy to your barbeque, after she told you that.

digerd · 12/06/2013 17:32

barbecue