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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think it unfair to deny the children ice cream

35 replies

twinklingfairy · 09/06/2013 18:07

My sis and mum can be awful when they are together!

I had though I would visit mum today because dad is going for an op tomorrow, instead they went to a tourist thing. They sent me a text at 1, which I didn't get until 2, telling me they were going.
Fair enough.
But when I asked how long they were going to be there they said they were just having lunch right then, so I figured it was a little late to throw my two into the car to travel half an hour in order to meet them all for about 20 mins, then half an hour back in the car.
And suggested that they popped in on their way past my house, the road home for them goes, quite literally past my door, and would they mind bringing some ice cream for my children whilst they were passing.
Sis called me a chancer for asking saying that they had had no intention of coming in by my house and wanted to just get on home.

I replied saying that they wouldn't have to stay long but for the sake of a long journey for me and only a short meet up, the meet up would make more sense to be just a quick one so I could give my dad a cuddle before he went in for his operation?
She responded that she would say to my mum and get back to me.

2 hours later and no response, but my mum and dad turn up, minus any ice cream.
My DS asked about the ice cream mum said, well your mother could have got you some if she had come to ...., as she said she would.

They stayed for a short while, had a wee look around my garden, I have been doing lots of work on it, I showed my mum something that I had made to which she immediately responded positively before remembering herself and jumping at the idea that the lovely lady who showed me how to make them has given me permission to make many more and sell them on, in her name. I was really honoured by this but mum just humphed.
Then, as we made our way through the living room she laughed to my dad, come on you better keep moving or she will talk your rears off no have you here for hours!
The left within 20 minutes.

Aside for my mum making me feel so low, and I, again, feel like such a child for excitedly showing her something I was proud of making.

I did tell the children that I had asked re the ice cream, but also warned them they might forget.
DD, when I said that I thought it wasn't so nice of them, responded with, well we can't get a treat every day mummy.
She is 6 and so much better a person than me.

Still, Am I being unreasonable to think it was unfair to have the children waiting all day on the promise of ice cream only for them to choose not to bring any, in what feels to me, like a punishment for my not making the journey that my mum and sister thought I should have?

OP posts:
Tweasels · 09/06/2013 20:33

You didn't want to go on the day out, you could have went but you didn't want to. You then expect them to come to yours on the way home and bring ice cream. They did come but forgot the ice cream and this has angered you.

And your mum didn't show the correct amount of enthusiasm for something you've made?

Sorry If I've misunderstood but if I haven't YABU.

LineRunner · 09/06/2013 20:44

Your father is having an operation tomorrow.

Tbh, I would focus on that.

hellhasnofurylikeahungrywoman · 09/06/2013 20:46

How would the icecream thing work if the shop is an hour's round trip away?

This isn't about icecream, it's about your relationship with your family and sometimes we have to face up to the fact that we cannot make our parents parent us in the way we would like.

twinklingfairy · 09/06/2013 20:48

I had planned to go in, I spoke to my mum last night about it.
The day out was a last minute change to the plan that I missed the text for.

Tweasels. I am. I have admitted, being petty.
But it upsets me that my mums general attitude to my excitement it's to snort in my general direction Sad

The request for ice cream was cheeky, but not out of their way.
I think I am more upset that it was more of a chance to take a dig at me refusal to get it than that they are full or worry for my dad.
It was a choice my mum made to walk away then to make the comment as soon as she arrived. She was barely out of the car than she was sniping at me.

Yes, I could have gone, but it is not a tourist attraction that I enjoy frequenting and given that a stop past me took them all of 10 minutes but the trip would have taken the best part of the day, I didn't think it was necessary to join them.
Clearly I angered them by not cow towing to their expectations, my mum and sisters, not my dads, who wouldn't have given a stuff either way.
As I felt, I know he agrees, he got to see me, have a cuddle and got underway again.

OP posts:
twinklingfairy · 09/06/2013 20:51

That is actually a bloomin good point linerunner.

My mum and sister just wind me up so.

But yes.
He is and I really hope that it sorts him out though its gonna be a tough time for him afterwards.

OP posts:
twinklingfairy · 09/06/2013 20:56

You are also right, hellhasnofury, it isn't about the ice cream and totally about my relationship with my sis and mum.

Most of the time I am fine to rise above it, lead my life without being controlled or manipulated by them (not today, other times, that has led to my annoyance today) but today just got me because I felt that they were affecting my children with it.
But as my DD showed, it really wasn't worth it.

OP posts:
Tweasels · 09/06/2013 20:56

Well, whether you're being petty or not, you'll just have to write today off as a bad one and put all your energy into thinking positive thoughts for your dad tomorrow.

Families are tricky things and it's hard to keep everyone happy. They were probably a bit put out and so are you so nobody has "won".

With regards to your project that mum wasn't so enthusiastic over. My mum was a bit like that about stuff I did and I think it was often because she didn't' want me to get my hopes up about stuff and then it all go wrong. It's not the right way to go about things but Mum's are just like that sometimes.

Try and enjoy the rest of your evening and I hope your dad is Ok.

ComtessedeFrouFrou · 09/06/2013 21:03

I still don't understand why you couldn't go and just get some ice cream or why, if it really had to be the particular ice cream that comes from a particular shop, you think it was a practical idea for your parents to being it to you (30 minutes from the shop if its an hour round trip for you)? Wouldn't it have melted by the time they got to you?

What on earth is this ice cream made from? Anyway, YABU, because now I want ice cream.

twinklingfairy · 09/06/2013 21:16

Aw, thanks tweasels, I feel better now.
I will do just that.
Today is done, perhaps I am worrying over my dad and passing it off as grr at my sister.

My mum just isn't demonstrative over anything I make though she does tell all and sundry that I make and sell so I know she is proud, just completely unable to tell me.
Rather scoff at me than say well done.

Comtess, we have managed to get ice cream home and into the freezer without any problems from the shop.
They gave me a box and I put it in the boot, it had hardly melted at all by the time we got home Smile
It would just have been something nice to have done for the children and I truly believe that my mum chose not to, just to make a point, which I think was childish and unfair to my children.
I didn't mean to add to their stresses I honestly thought they would have enjoyed seeing the delight on their faces, but hey ho

OP posts:
afussyphase · 09/06/2013 21:52

Sounds like you need a little more control - they are changing plans, texting (not reliable that you got it), etc etc. Not to drop down to their level, really, but it'd be satisfying to get the ice cream yourself, then breezily say, 'oh, that's all right, I got some, I didn't think you'd (care enough to) bother with it'... Realistically, I'm not sure if or how you can be in control somewhat more next time, but maybe it would help if you can find a way.

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