To think that parents should educate their children about animals?

[Alisvolatpropiis]

In this case I refer to dogs.

Today I spent the afternoon at a friends. She has two young and lovely children. It was her birthday,various friends and their children were also present. I took along my very small Jack Russell,she's very sweet natured. Before I get jumped on - I am always very careful about introducing her to children,both dogs and children are unpredictable. So of course she was on her lead.

A family arrived the same time I did with three children in tow. One of the children showed an obvious aversion straight away, so I made sure she wasn't near him. The mum said "don't worry X, the dog is on it's lead". That's fine.

However everybody was in the garden and she deliberately sat her children as far away as possible. The three children were all obviously very nervous about the dog. Another mum commented that the three of them had never had much contact with dogs before. Of course my dog was on her lead, I had already noticed the children's discomfort.

But other children were petting her and enjoying it. She is ideal child size in terms of dogs. Am I being unreasonable to think that an opportunity was missed to introduce these children to what is a very common house pet in the UK?

I appreciate that some children/adults are simply frightened of dogs. It's a phobia for some on the same way spiders are for me. Or have had a terrible experience which has left them frightened.

But surely showing children how to behave around animals is a positive thing? The two things I was taught as a child about dogs were 1) don't touch unless invited 2) if a dog runs towards you - stand still. Training is obviously an absolute imperative if one is to a responsible dog owner. I just think educating children is also important.

I can see where you're coming from in general, but tbh I'd be a bit at why you would choose to take a dog to a place full of unknown young children in the first place.

It seems a bit unnecessary and rather unfair on the dog if she had to be on a lead the whole time.

Animals are mostly fine, it is the owners who are usually the problem.

DH had his face chewed by his family dog as a teenager.
My family didn't have pets due to my DMum's asthma and allergies.
None of our family friends have dogs either.

How do you propose I educate my children to be around dogs when none of the adults around them have any positive experiences?

Missed the point that you'd been asked to bring to the dog, in which case tbh I'd reserve the for your friend who presumably must have known that some of her other guests may have been bothered by it.

She was being cautious about her children's safety which is her prerogative. I have unfortunately been in a situation where I was assured that a dog was very friendly and enjoyed being with children and my DD was bitten as she approached with me to stroke the dog. Idiot owner. The woman today may have had similar or she may just be cautious by nature. It was not a personal slur.

I think that your host was U to ask you to bring your dog if there were going to be other people present. She should have checked with them that they were OK with it, or at least mentioned it to them. I think you are being a bit harsh on the other mother. My own children would have been nervous at a young age and I would not have encouraged them to approach the dog, rather I would have told to look at it and maybe say hello. I am not afraid of dogs, but I have no inclination to pet them/ stroke them or otherwise make a fuss of them. Why should I?

And I should add that the biting experince stayed with my DD for a long time though she still likes dogs she is afraid of jumpy ones.

So now hosts have to check that people don't mind littke dogs? It was't a snarling lion, it was a normal pet dog.

FWIW as someone who had a child who was terrified of dogs if you don't get it sorted invitations do stop (and I didn't blame the mothers at all I wouldn't invite a child who cried every time a soft family pet came near them).

Ds2 was terrified of dogs - we sorted it, just as ds1 was terrified of walking through doors & into buildings - we sorted that. And ds2 was scared of water - again when it started to affect him socially we sorted it. Some fears (eg of horses for example) are unlikely to affect you socially but door, dogs and water all have the potential to (and were) so we sorted them.

Just to reiterate:

1)It was my friends party. She asked me to bring the dog. Some of her friends happened to bring their children with them. There were no balloons/party games etc it was an adults party at which a few children were present for an hour or so.

2)The dog had already been on a very long walk prior to arriving so was happy to bask in the sun being fussed over. She wasn't traumatised by being on her lead.

3)Please read my op and subsequent posts properly. How many times must I say - I know that not everybody will like my dog. This thread is not about three young children not like my dog and me being offended!

4)It's about dogs and children generally. As I've said multiple times now - I appreciate people children/ adults have phobias/ terrible experiences and so are frightened. I wouldn't suggest that either of these things are easy to overcome. I was referring more to children who have just not had much experience so are wary (understandably) but not frightened in any way.

I'm wary around dogs: they give me no pleasure. I have no desire to pet them pr stroke them, I certainly have no desire to have them jump at me or slobber all over me; as many friends' dogs do. I even dislike being in a doggy house or car, because they stink most revoltingly. Therefore I steer clear of them.

My children were taught basic dog safety - ask the owner before petting, etc. But they haven't had a lot of close contact with dogs and tbh are not that interested. They are 14 and 15 now and seem to have similar opinions to me - unsurprisingly.

A good friend of mine has her whole life centred around dogs and dog charities: fine, her choice. She chuckles at my reluctance to engage with her dog. But a couple of months ago she was in hospital because the dog had "affectionately and entirely accidentally" bitten her on the face/lip.

I'll continue to keep my distance thank you.

Her children were nervous, she was being a protective mum in keeping them away. It's not a 'missed opportunity', it's what should have happened.

I was petrified of dogs when I was little. Regular enforced contact with them made me worse. I love them now, but then I'm bigger than most of them now. Everything is so much bigger to a child. All they see is noise and teeth. Scary.

If children want to be around dogs, they will say so. It's okay to be afraid of dogs. It's okay as an adult, too. Not everybody has to like them.

Wary is exactly how I want my kids to be around unknown animals.

My boys are regularly around working dogs and do not approach them unless directly told by a trusted adult.

I dont know you, I don't know if you are one of those irritating people who say their dog is ok but it turns out you have love goggles on or if you actually know what you are doing.

So our default setting is to leave the dog be.

The choices are not either gushy or afraid there is a whole range in between.

Thanks to the posters who can see where I'm coming from [smil]

Fakebook I think the standing still when a dog runs towards idea stems from the fact that if you run they see it as a game/challenge and will chase you. Dogs tend to stop things running with their teeth so it's safer to stand still. It's a shame such an idea is so widespread. Dogs should either have good enough recall that they don't run up to people or on their leads whilst in public.

Forgot to say - teaching basic dog safety is obviously a must for all children, but a dog doesn't need to be present for that conversation. I'd be wary of my children going near strange dogs, regardless of size or what the owner thought about them. There's nothing wrong with that, either.

Mama I did say in one of my posts that I wasn't judging the mum or dad. It just made me think in general terms. Because dogs are so commonplace in the UK.

I always comment that my dog is good with kids to reassure those who run up and want to pet him (he's small and cute, and he knows it!). I very much appreciate when parents tell their kids to ask first as while I know he's good, they don't!

Where we lived backed onto an estate with lots of Muslim kids who were fascinated by him although would wipe their hands on the grass to clean them after petting him. He would sit calmly while loads of kids crowded round, walk off when he'd had enough (on a lead) but they would follow, so then he would fake a limp to get me to take him away!

My friends dog is loud and excitable and being a big dog I can understand that she probably comes across as scary and even vicious. While she would never attack a child she might knock them over or accidentally scratch them in excitement trying to play, so it does annoy me when some parents don't say anything to a child who runs to touch her.

I don't particularly like children petting my dog (in fact I tell them not to - he's a retriever so it tends to be assumed he will love it - while he does like unknown adults making a fuss he doesn't like unknown children doing the same) but there's a difference between not wanting to engage with a dog and being scared of them so being in their presence makes you nervous. In the case of ds2 he got to the stage where he would just cry if in the same room as them and be unable to think about anything else - clearly that had to be sorted, as it was affecting his life & invitations to people's houses. I would have been happy with him just tolerating them although he now adores them.

My 13 yo (Aspie) dd is terrified of dogs. A few years ago she loved them!

We sometimes have to cross the street if she's particularly scared. Mostly I can hold her hand and reassure her and we can walk past them.

It effects us terribly as we live in an area with lots and lots of dogs. There's a beautiful outdoor beach cafe and we often can't sit there because of the dogs.

Dd's best friend had a dog and it affected their friendship as she made such a fuss when she visited and it irritated the family having to lock the dog away.

How do you "get it sorted" I don't know where to start! It is an irrational fear, in that she hasn't had any bad experiences or triggers.

It is the unknown 'owner' who is the issue for me.

My brother for instance has ACD/Kelpie crosses - if he tells the boys it is OK to approach/play with them then no problem - I trust him to know what he is doing.

A stranger with a much smaller/less intimidating dog is more of a problem in my eyes.

So in the situation described in the OP I would perhaps have let them pat the dog while I was close nearby and supervising but I would not take the OP's word for it that the dog was OK with what was happening.

you took a dog to a birthday party?
I can't get past that, sorry
I get your point, that kids aren't going to get used to dogs unless they have experienced them, but that's not your decision to make

Morloth I completely understand what you are saying. That is why I kept my dog on her lead and away from those children.

It just made me think about how children who don't have dogs in their own family/close friends learn how to be around dogs.

It was the parents of the three children in questions right to do as they saw fit. I am not criticising them,it merely made me think.

ok, just read that she asked you to bring the dog. But it's still not her decision to decide on behalf of the other children
I love dogs btw, but trying to control dogs and kids is tricky, and a birthday party isn't the place for it. IMO

bvlgari the host asked me to bring her. So - there you go. Adults party,children happened to be present for a time. We're talking a handful of people not over a hundred.

They learn by being told about how to behave.

And a sensible way to behave IMO is to be wary.