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To be sad at the amount of horrible parents out there (not a happy thread)

156 replies

Doubtfuldaphne · 08/06/2013 22:37

In town shopping today I was behind one lady who told her dd to 'stop waving your toy around or the ladies in the shop will smack you'
And I held a lift for a lady to come in with her toddler and baby. The toddler instantly sat on the lift floor and looked scared. She said 'sorry mummy'' and the mum shouted 'I don't care of you are' aggressively. The 2-3 yr old was covered in bruises mostly on her face and arm and Very very thin.
I can't stop thinking about it. There's nothing I could've done, don't know who she is, or what their story is - I just know that here's no way I would treat my children aggressively or with anything but love! Yes, I can lose my temper after a hard day but wouldnt be aggresive. something about this situation has really played on my mind and I feel sad.
There's nothing I could've done though is there?

OP posts:
Doubtfuldaphne · 10/06/2013 09:03

I mean, why make that child feel that any member of the public could assault her. Why put such fear in to a child? It wouldn't happen!
I was behind her and said quite loudly to dh "I don't think it would happen- the police would arrest whoever hit a human being for no reason" she was too busy talking to someone else at that point to hear though.

OP posts:
MoelFammau · 11/06/2013 18:15

i've got through 2.5 years of parenting without raising my voice more than twice. I remember both times, once about 6 months ago when she wouldn't stop torturing the dog and the second time last week. Even so, neither were yelling, they were a sharp 'leave the poor dog ALONE' and a 'no, that's NAUGHTY' when she threw her food off the table. On both occasions she burst into tears, utterly shocked.

My dad NEVER shouted ever. The worst he ever did was a despairing 'oh love', and frankly that made me feel the worst person in the world. My mother screamed and smacked her way through every day for years. It became just a horrible noise to deal with, but meant nothing.

I think there are ways of parenting that don't involve shouting and nagging. I have a toddler, she's maybe a bit stubborn at times because toddlers are but I treat her like a person with wishes and preferences and we do a trade of 'if you do this for me, I'll do that for you'. Certain things I clamp down on, such as torturing dogs, but if she wants to wear her waterproofs in hot sunshine, fine. Our relationship is really positive.

I really don't believe this idea that you have to shout at children.

apostropheuse · 11/06/2013 20:38

i've got through 2.5 years of parenting without raising my voice more than twice


I've got through twenty-seven years of parenting and grandparenting. I have raised my voice several times.

I didn't let my children wear waterproofs in hot sunshine. I put suncream and hats on them.

I'm guilty of having the odd nagfest too.

I'm now wondering if they might need some counselling from the trauma of it all.

Dahlen · 11/06/2013 20:53

As a species we are good at reading other people. We are less good at articulating what we're reading. Most people get into trouble when they override their instincts with rational thoughts and justifications - the abused wife who feels awful and angry at her treatment but acquiesces to her H's explanation as to why she deserves it, the husband who allows himself to believe his DW's reasons as to why she's late back every night, the parent who rationalises 'they're just having a bad day' to a fellow parent's maltreatment of a child.

If you genuinely feel something is wrong, it may well be, and even though there's a possibility you are wrong, the suspicion is enough to warrant further action - whether that's an offer to help, a call to the NSPCC or a referral to SS.

Unfortunately, it's not that easy. I referred someone to SS once. It was the only right thing to do and I knew that. It was still one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. it does not surprise me that many people rationalise away bad behaviour rather than act on it.

xylem8 · 12/06/2013 09:28

i've got through 2.5 years of parenting without raising my voice more than twice

well done.Come back in 20 years!

Arabesque · 12/06/2013 10:46

Amazed at the poster who kept asking OP if she 'offered to help'. In what possible way could you walk up to a stranger in that situation and offer to help. All you would do is inflame the situation, possibly get a mouthful of abuse, and very possibly make the mother even more angry with the child.
Sorry if this has already been addressed, I only read the first few posts, but that question just struck me as so daft.

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