To leave my DS with strangers while I go to the loo?

[MeerkatMerkin]

DS is 2 and a half and in the buggy. Big city park, mummy needs relief. There was a queue to the ladies, this is just two cubicles and a sink - DS' (double twin) buggy too wide to go into the loo and not block the other toilet or sinks. So I ask the rest of the queue (some women with children too) to keep an eye while I run in and out.

When I return from peeing (30 seconds?) a woman in her 30s with an older toddler told me I was irresponsible and that my child could have been abducted or worse. She hadn't been in the queue as far as I'd seen before.

AIBU to leave DS in the buggy with mothers watching him while I take a pee? Or am I some kind of terrible neglectful wench? I don't think I am BU but I might be wrong and would appreciate opinion for next time.

I have done this before when my dd was little for the same reason, I couldn't get the chair in the cubicle. A nice older lady offered to watch her while I went. I have never peed so quickly

Actually it is for some people. Ok, it is for me. I don't want the responsibility of watching over a stranger's child while they go to the toilet, especially when the parent has just assumed I will be fine with it.

I am often accompanying my OH plays disability card and people seem to think that because I'm steering a wheelchair, I'm more approachable than the average joe. Fair enough, but OH's disability is temperamental and if I need to whip him away in the 30 seconds the mother is gone for, I can't.

Yes it has happened before and yes I have been stung by the experience.

YANBU YANBU YANBU

I would love to meet some of the butters on here in RL, we just don't frequent the same toddler groups probably because the risks involved mean you never leave a padded room

OP YANBU

I'm sorry for your loss meerkat :(

You weren't being U btw.

YANBU, how sad to be that paranoid.

I agree, miffy. Keeping an eye on a strapped in toddler for the 30 seconds it will take a parent to pee, during which time the toddler probably won't even realise their parent has gone, is hardly a difficult thing.

I did ask nicely, directed at the couple of people (1 lady on her own, 1 mum with her DD) immediately behind me in the queue, my logic being that if the second cubicle had come free whilst I was in the other one, there would still be someone aware that DS was with me. Other people in the queue, including a couple of naice older ladies said "ooh of course, isn't he gorgeous?!" etc, and I was literally 30 seconds. I didn't even do my trousers up properly on leaving.

I understand some people would rather not have the responsibility. I wouldn't have assumed anyone would do it, without my asking, and would have understood if anyone had refused. Personally I would be happy to watch someone's DC in similar circumstances, it takes a village and all that. :)

'It's similar to parents who bring their toddlers to parties, head off to socialise and then go around asking "has anyone seen my DC?"

It's not really similar. That's a scenario where someone deliberately divests themselves of their kids so they can go off and do something more fun, over a period of time. The OP asked a tiny favour from people, about something that she really had to do, for a few minutes.

This is another of those threads where I feel I live on a different planet. I cannot imagine circumstances where it would be the least trouble for me to watch a baby or child for someone while they went to the loo. Particularly if I was in the queue for the loo myself, so not rushing for a bus or anything.

Obviously. OliduUrsus' circumstances are different, but all she has to say it "I'm sorry, I can't- could you ask someone else"

All the people who are saying YABU are probably the same lot who say they get their kids out the car to pay for petrol.

In all my years of driving I have NEVER seen this.

YANBU and I have done the same thing

I personally think yanbu and have thought about doing this sort of thing myself but never been brave enough.
Yes, I know all the horror stories but chances are other people are pretty much what they seem, and not scary child snatchers.

The one big worry I'd have about leaving them with people without children is them not knowing what is appropriate and not being able to lay down the law. I have it myself with older children than mine. Obviously not in this situation, but if a, say 8yo said he was going to cross the road to go to the shop I wouldn't know if that was appropriate, if I should try to stop him or if I'd look like an overreacting idiot.

I would not have done it OP but don't judge you for doing so. You were there, able to read the situation and made your decision accordingly.

I am a parent who leaves their child lock in a car in view whilst paying for diesel. I wouldn't hand my child to a stranger or group of strangers and go out of sight for 3 or 4 minutes.

Why fishy?
genuinely curious, not arguing, I wouldn't, and the main reason is that I know it's "not the done thing". I just wonder what the actual risk is in asking a group of strangers - many of whom will be strangers to each other too
As I've said, my main concern would be putting someone in an awkward position. I have a 6 year old so know what they are capable of and what not. But I recently had a nearly ten year old here, and had no idea how much I was meant to be "looking after" her. Obviously I know by that age they don't need help on the toilet but was I OK to offer her sweets without her parents knowing? If she had said "I am going home now" would I have been OK to just let her take herself off? I honestly have no idea.

sorry the help on the toilet thing was meant to be a joke, I'm not that inept!

Ywnbu.

Would be more concerned at what baby could catch in the loo.
I mean where would you put him while you went to the loo?

On the ground? Yeuch!

Society has gone mad. You were definitely not being unreasonable.

Yes id much rather watch another mum's child while she nipped to the loo than have him licking the sanitary bin or brushing his hair with the toiket brush while she weed

I would have unstrapped him & bought him in with me.

It's the out of sight unpredictability of the situation. Just for example say the fire alarm went off whilst I was in mid flow. It could feasibly take 45-60 seconds for me to clench, hoike, unlock, run and get through a probable double door with say another 7-15 women all trying to do the same. In those seconds that group would have rightly left the area possibly with my child and concerned only for their own safety.

It's not a paedophile fear but a fear of unknown factors coming into play and not having line of sight on my child and therefore not having responsibility for her even if only for 3 or 4 minutes.

I'm actually pretty laissez faire with DD but handing her to strangers and disappearing out of sight behind at least 2 doors one of which was locked for minutes at a time is not something I would do.

It seems to me that there are few circumstances where your child is less likely to be kidnapped than when you ask somebody in a queue to watch her in full view of the rest of the queue. Unless the entire queue consists of a kidnapping ring.....

yes fair enough fishy
But surely the worst that could happen is you get separated - I suppose I am underestimating the panic of that time though
seeker has explained what I was trying to say - if there are a few strangers, and strangers to each other asked to watch a child, the chances of them suddenly all colluding in harming your child must be tiny

The worst that could happen would your and mine's worst nightmare.

In the scenario I outlined had I asked strangers to look after DD is that I would probably locate the group at the nearest muster point, collect my child, proffer immense thanks and go and find the nearest loo so that I could finish wiping my arse!

I still wouldn't do it though.

Absolute lunacy. Anyone who thinks it's an imposition to be asked to keep an eye on a sleeping child whilst a woman goes for a wee needs to have a word with themselves. Or call the Daily Mail and get a column.