To leave my DS with strangers while I go to the loo?

[MeerkatMerkin]

DS is 2 and a half and in the buggy. Big city park, mummy needs relief. There was a queue to the ladies, this is just two cubicles and a sink - DS' (double twin) buggy too wide to go into the loo and not block the other toilet or sinks. So I ask the rest of the queue (some women with children too) to keep an eye while I run in and out.

When I return from peeing (30 seconds?) a woman in her 30s with an older toddler told me I was irresponsible and that my child could have been abducted or worse. She hadn't been in the queue as far as I'd seen before.

AIBU to leave DS in the buggy with mothers watching him while I take a pee? Or am I some kind of terrible neglectful wench? I don't think I am BU but I might be wrong and would appreciate opinion for next time.

I wouldn't do it tbh, but that's mostly cos I'd never ask a favour of people I don't know rather than any risk fear factor.

Ok. Feel a bit less of a useless mother now. I'm doubting myself because of the way she spoke to me - like I was a naughty schoolchild.

DS was asleep. At risk of sounding judgy, if it had been a queue of teenage girls, I probably would have yanked him out of the buggy and not bothered asking. I thought I risk-assessed responsibly and took action accordingly. I could have left the buggy but I was literally feet away and they looked like naice mummies.

Anyway, 'twas my instinct, thanks for the opinions! :)

YANBU
AmyFarrah OP was having a pee, not writing a novel, probably took her 2 minutes tops !

I don't think YABU but its not something I would do. I would get DC out the pram and bring him into the cubicle with me and leave the pram outside. I don't think it's a terrible thing to do but I personally wouldn't

I wouldn't leave DD in this situation, but only because I know of someone (a work colleague of a close friend of mine) whose baby actually was taken by someone who approached him at a theme park (in the US) to ask if he wanted her to watch the pram whilst he went into the loo. He had been waiting for his wife, who had taken their older child into the ladies, to return so he could go too. The woman took the pram and baby and they were never traced.

The whole thing makes me sick to the stomach so I would never take the 'miniscule' risk.

Having said that, it didn't stop me from offering to watch a stranger's pram at Bluewater one day when I saw her toddler run off and leap onto the escalator. She just looked so horrified and helpless, it was automatic to say to her, 'Do you want me to watch the pram whilst you go after him?' I didn't even finish the sentence before she yelled 'Yes!' and ran off. But that was an emergency, she didn't have much of a choice.

HaveTo And?

To wondering: her exact words were "he could have been abducted - or kidnapped and murdered!"

Not a nice thought, no, of course, but I felt that there was minimal risk of this happening. God forbid.

emsy that is horrifying. :( I have never heard a story like this before so perhaps I will think twice next time.

A single person approaching you is completely different to you approaching a group of people who are strangers to each other.

I've never heard of anything like it either OP - and it's not that long ago that everyone had massive Silvercross prams and left them outside shops for hours on end without (seemingly) much happening.

It is, as everyone says, highly unlikely anything would happen - but why take that risk if you don't have to? I went to the loo in Marks and Spencers with DD2 last week and was so relieved to see that they now have a baby changing room with a lock and a separate loo inside. I think if that hadn't been the case, I would either have walked to John Lewis (who have a parent and child toilet that fits a pram in) or put the buggy in the doorway and peed with the door open. I don't mind if other people find me paranoid or ridiculous - everyone has to do what suits them, and what they're happy with. I personally would not leave a pram/buggy with a child in it unless a friend or relative was watching.

Yes I agree with that LaLaLa - it probably is safer to choose someone rather than have them approach you, but I still wouldn't risk it.

What should you have done, pee on the floor?

I suppose you could have unstrapped him and taken him in with you, but he was left in sight of a group not an individual.

Why do you have a double buggy for one child?

and Amy your senario up thread would take more than that to unfurl.

I wouldn't worry too much about friend-of-a-friend stories tbh.

YANBU. The people in the queue just wanted a wee and for everyone to get on with it as fast as possible.

It reminds me of when I looked after a baby in a trolley in a multi storey car park. The Mum had parked up and put him in the trolley seat. She then decided the car was over the line or something so asked me to look after him while she adjusted the car.
The baby's face as he watched his Mum getting in the car then reversing out of the space was a picture, and then the screams and tears thinking he was being left with me.

I always do this. I must be a shite mum then. I pee extremely quickly though, and if its when we're in the toilets but I can't actually get the pushchair in the cubicle with me then I ask someone a few down the queue to keep an eye on DD. I sometimes make a joke about 'it's either that or I'll have to pee with the door open'. I've never had anyone say anything, I'm amazed someone did, cheeky mare.

Obviously the best case scenario is that the baby/toddler is awake, and needs a nappy change, so you can legitimately go into the accesible loo which 9 times out of 10 is where the baby change is too.

Just on a related, but slightly different, note - my DMum was really shocked and horrified that I 'allowed' a lovely friend (who DD1 and I have known for 3 years and who I see about twice a week) to very kindly take DD1 to a playgroup the day after DD2 was born so that DH and I could have some quiet time with the new baby. She shrieked that I should never trust anybody or let anyone take my child anywhere! Now that really is over the top.

I don't get it, why not leave the buggy and take the toddler in the cubicle or if asleep, go in the disabled where there's usually plenty of room. I was in John Lewis last week and a young girl - nanny? left a baby in the entrance to the toilets in the pram - why not just use the mother/baby facilities.

If it's the mother & baby accessible toilet, that's fine. If it's just the disabled loo, especially somewhere busy, that's not fine, unless either you or your child are disabled.

Fakebook, I was given it recently, for my two babies, but sadly never had the second - I miscarried in April. Our Maclaren is broken at the moment so it seemed the best way to get a child who needed a nap out and about - I can't sling him anymore, he's far too heavy, and our car is SORNed at the moment. It's our only set of wheels.

There isn't a disabled toilet. There is a parent/child changing facility but it was locked and had cobwebs connecting the door to the doorframe. I did enquire in the queue if anyone knew if it was in action but a) it hasn't been open in years apparently and b) it doesn't have a toilet in anyway.

That is terrible emsyj

I definitely think being approached is a different scenario though

YABU, but not because your DC might have been kidnapped - I agree that risk is minimal. But it's not a strangers responsibility to take guardianship for your child while you piss. I have had children thrust on me in toilet queues with the expectation that I won't mind supervising them and I have only had the bollocks to once thrust the child back saying sorry but no.

It's similar to parents who bring their toddlers to parties, head off to socialise and then go around asking "has anyone seen my DC?"

I'd do it if the situation came up. I've parked ds and his buggy outside shops for a few minutes i've also left him on a taxi drivers knee a few times when rushing into dds school playground to shout her to get in the taxi.

It's everyone's responsibility to help each other. Being asked to watch a sleeping toddler for 30 seconds is hardly a massive imposition.