sharing food....reasonable or not?

[DonutForMyself]

I won't say which side of the fence I fall on until I've had some responses!

But essentially, do you share your food or are you a bit territorial about it?

If your DCs want what you have ordered in a restaurant instead of what they have ordered, would you swap?

Would you swap with your DP if they weren't keen on their meal?

If you are having a piece of cake etc would you offer others a bite of it?

I've just remembered the weirdest food sharing moment in recent history - went to DP's house for dinner shortly after we met. His ex was coming round (not sure if for any reason other than to check me out!) and I had made food to take over there for me, DP & his DCs.

Ex bowled in the door while we were eating, came over and grabbed DP's fork, helping herself to the food off his plate, dropped some on the chair and picked it up and ate it then asked if he could plate up some leftovers for her.

AIBU to think that was odd?!

btw, MrTumble, I feel your pain re: the Indian takeaway!

I am quite territorial but also generous if what I have is amazing and I especially want a co-diner to experience it.

I don't expect to be given other people's food, I often refuse if they offer, I don't expect to be guilt tripped into offering my own if I don't want to.

she sounded liike she was marking her territory.

will share with close family. (children, mum, children's dad even though we are separated)

I don't mind sharing if you're supposed to share, e.g. dishes in Chinese or Indian restaurant.

People pinching stuff off my plate though, that's not sharing, that's stealing and I will stab you with my fork.

Looking at you MIL. Who is one of those people who think the calories don't count if you didn't order it yourself.

She even tries to steal olives from my children.

No, I don't share

If the kids/DH want what I have, they should have ordered it (although I don't mind sharing the odd chip), unless is something like Chinese where we just order loads of dishes and all have bits and pieces

If they want a bit of my cake/cookie, they can get their own

DH constantly wants what I'm eating. 5 minutes ago I was eating a packet of smoky bacon crisps and DH was like a begging dog. There's a multipack in the kitchen, he can get his own packet

BlackEyedSusan You're so right, the next thing she did was go to the bathroom and DP said 'marking her territory!'

I love all you non-sharers, makes me feel better

I'm a sharer. I'm pleased when DC want to share my food. DP is slightly different, and will want to take off my plate w/o reciprocating. He also struggles to give DS food off his own plate but will be surreptitiously hoovering up DCs food as soon as he's eaten his own. I don't mind when he has food off me - I can always have more later/ tomorrow but get defensive of DC's food, because I'd rather they ate well/ in good time and didn't feel deprived as DP must (I assume this drives his behaviour). Also we are adults with agency, where DC depend on us for food and can't rationalise later/ tomorrow/ another time/ something else or whatever.

That's what I'd ask of non-sharers who are concerned about not getting enough of their chosen food at a given sitting. Why is that such an issue? Have something else/ eat later/ come back tomorrow? What's the problem?

I'm surprised she didn't piss all over him to mark her territory too!

Sparklyboots, that's the thing, if food isn't a scarce resource you can console yourself that you can have more later/tomorrow, but when a nice meal out is an occasional treat, something you've been looking forward to, and you decide to push the boat out and have a juicy steak, why would you then be happy to pass that over for some chicken nuggets and beans because your (or someone else's) DC decide your meal looks nicer than theirs!?

midwife I still haven't ruled out that possibility!

Share a BIT with bambinos ONLY!
I love my food am very protective

I think it's also about his DCs asserting their power & position ie Daddy's little princesses take priority over you & can have the food off your plate. You need to squash that - you are the adult, you are in charge not them!

Good point MW, I need to get back to that lion/top dog mentality. If they want to pick over the remains on my plate once I am finished they can feel free, but until that point, back off!

and you decide to push the boat out and have a juicy steak, why would you then be happy to pass that over for some chicken nuggets and beans because your (or someone else's) DC decide your meal looks nicer than theirs!?

Because if it really is that important to me, I can order another, I can come back another time. There'll always be another birthday, another get together, another special occasion... and anyway I'm a grown up. I'm reasonably skinted but could budget for another visit if it was such a big deal. Which it never is, in the scheme of things...

Sparkly boots, it's not about being worried about not having enough food to eat, it's about a new partner's kids being allowed to pinch it off your plate! Boundaries!

I'm a grown up too, that's why I don't eat chicken nuggets for dinner!

My DD is too young yet but for when she is older:

--If I thought she'd actually eat it, I'd share it.

--If she was 2/3 and just said 'I want it' and would probably not eat it, I'd give her a mouthful and then eat the rest myself.

I'd wonder why my partner or family member would order something they didn't like. However if for some reason they did or someone got their order wrong as long as I could tolerate eating what they had ordered, I'd swap.

I think we'll have to agree to differ, ladies. I just don't see food as something to get territorial over. I'd also rather it signified warmth, generosity and intimacy than social pecking order? But am only saying that because i don't see sharing food as a way of signifying relationships; but if I did it would be about bringing people together.

As a side note, I experience no anxiety about eating the last thing on a shared item plate

I do see food as a way of showing love and affection too, I cook lovely meals, make cakes for people, make brekky in bed for DP, I see much of my role as a mum to feed others and I often enjoy a meal out with friends. I will happily share tapas or Chinese (as long as I get some of the bits I like!)

That's not the same as people taking food off my plate or being coerced into sacrificing my meal in favour of someone else enjoying it. I guess because I do associate food with love, I feel hard done by when it is taken from me and given to someone else!

I don't like sharing because I have dietary restrictions which mean I am usually only able to eat the thing I have ordered. Nothing to do with not wanting to be part of a circle of friends, and (oddly perhaps) nothing to do with the fact that my dad used to steal the food off my plate as soon as he'd finished his, despite the fact that I was (and still am) a very slow eater so often ended up going without as he'd catch me up.

Well to be fair I don't subscribe the the notion of kids vs adults food, so kids would be hard pushed to swap their chicken nuggets for something I had as we'd all have the same anyway.

But that said no, I don't share food. People can get their bloody mitts off my food!