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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

sharing food....reasonable or not?

189 replies

DonutForMyself · 07/06/2013 18:20

I won't say which side of the fence I fall on until I've had some responses!

But essentially, do you share your food or are you a bit territorial about it?

If your DCs want what you have ordered in a restaurant instead of what they have ordered, would you swap?

Would you swap with your DP if they weren't keen on their meal?

If you are having a piece of cake etc would you offer others a bite of it?

OP posts:
HeadsDownThumbsUp · 07/06/2013 21:10

But it's nice to taste things! You don't have to eat all of everything you taste.

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 07/06/2013 21:13

Donut I am the same and it doesn't help that I have OCD about cleanliness. I imagine other people's hands are filthy...because they don;t wash them enough. So anyone wanting a crisp or something gets short shrift.

I wasn't abused as a kid but food was shared very precisely because there wasn't a lot of it! You got what you got and that was all. Nobody shared...we bargained with it! Grin

HeadsUp not when you might not get more....and you're STARVING!

Original poster
DonutForMyself · 07/06/2013 21:19

Heads try telling the DCs that!

I did try to explain to DP that it might be a financial thing too - we're not hard-up but have always had to think twice about spending due to XH being a tightwad, so while he can think "if someone else eats it all, I'll just get some more", in my mind food is limited, if someone else eats it, its gone.

OP posts:
themidwife · 07/06/2013 21:20

Hell no, other people's kids trying my dinner? I think not!!

Original poster
DonutForMyself · 07/06/2013 21:24

Next time I'm going for a Vindaloo even if I don't like it myself

OP posts:
ChippingInWiredOnCoffee · 07/06/2013 21:29

All the non sharers should become low carbing vegetarians - trust me, your food is safe Grin

Before low carbing I didn't mind sharing, I don't mind people trying my food or going halves on a pudding or something and with friends and family I don't mind sharing off the same plate etc and I would swap if someone had something they really disliked but that I would be OK with, even if I didn't think it was as nice as mine.

However, I don't expect people to feel or do the same and it doesn't bother me in the slightest!

ChippingInWiredOnCoffee · 07/06/2013 21:32

Donut - I was going to say that as well (and forgot!) if you can just order more it is far easier to be free & easy re sharing.

ImperialBlether · 07/06/2013 21:32

What I can't stand is someone watching me eat and wanting my dinner. I'd rather give them the whole thing than go through that. Someone said upthread her husband ate quickly then asked whether she was going to finish her dinner - sorry, poster, but I really couldn't stand that.

If I hadn't started, I'd swap a meal with a child who was too inexperienced to know what was going to be nice, but not with someone who should've had more sense! But again, because I can't stand someone staring at my food, I'd probably swap anyway.

Shitsinger · 07/06/2013 21:40

well we must be a really odd family if "sharing" is the norm
I don't think I have ever had a meal with any of my family or friends where they insist on taking food from my plate.
So if you were having a roast dinner is it normal to expect others to remove food from your plate Confused
I get that commonly shared food - buffets ,pizza etc are shared - I cant eat anything that anyone else has touchedinfected with their germs but really taking food off someones plate -strange !

jessjessjess · 07/06/2013 21:49

I don't mind sharing but only if people ask or I offer. I hate it if people just reach out and take as I tend to save the best bits for last...

HeadsDownThumbsUp · 07/06/2013 21:57

I don't think most people would expect to share food if everyone was eating exactly the same thing - such as a family roast dinner.

But if I was going to a restaurant I was excited about, and I ordered the halibut and my friend ordered the lamb, then it would be nice to swap a bit of halibut for a bit of lamb and try them both. But I wouldn't give my friend a hard time if they didn't want to share, and I wouldn't just grab her lamb!

Shitsinger · 07/06/2013 22:04

oh I see !
Still find it strange that anyone would want to "try" my food .

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 07/06/2013 23:39

Me too Shitsinger me too.

MrsMangoBiscuit · 08/06/2013 06:16

That'll teach me for not checking my links.

Rosa · 08/06/2013 06:26

At home when I do new stuff with a picky dd I often give her a forkful from my plate in the hope she likes it. When out at a restaurant I am happy to share / divide it depends on the place and the food. It hoesntly doesn't bother me and if the dds order and then they hate it ( at gatwick in some chain restaurant the kids pasta with tomato was full of herbs and it was hard to find the tomato... The pasta was overcooked glue so dd ate my sandwich !!!!!) It is often that we all share a pud .

Original poster
DonutForMyself · 08/06/2013 10:10

So Rosa, when your Dd ate your sandwich, did you eat the overlooked glue, get yourself something else or just go without?

OP posts:
Original poster
DonutForMyself · 08/06/2013 10:13

Thanks Mango, I'm a little concerned that I'm now Smithy and Joey!

OP posts:
HollyBerryBush · 08/06/2013 10:15

Food sharing has anthropological connotations. We do it for social acceptance. You offer someone a crisp or cake - you are accepting them into your social circle - they offer you one and it is you that is being accepted.

By being territorial about food, you are declining to be part of a wider circle. You are making a statement about not needing to be a part of the wider circle.

Original poster
DonutForMyself · 08/06/2013 10:26

Ooh that's interesting because I am a lot less sociable in general than DP. I like my own company and can think of nothing worse than a job surrounded by lots of people, whereas he loves his job, meeting with people, socialising with them and generally being friendly! Oh dear, I'm just a miserable cow aren't I?!

OP posts:
Original poster
DonutForMyself · 08/06/2013 10:27

But then why don't I want to share with my DCs either!? They're already in my circle but we're like lions, the alpha (that's me now!) gets the first crack at the carcass and they can have it when I'm done!

OP posts:
CrowsLanding · 08/06/2013 10:28

We share no questions asked.
When we go out for a meal dp and I always order different meals and we share each others, I thought most people did that.

wonderingsoul · 08/06/2013 10:31

i would hate tapas resturants,,, id get all anxity ..

i hate sharing food.. not because im greedy, but because i hate the politics.. not knowing how much to take, who gets the last bit..am i eating to quick..

its just easier that way and i dont have to get all anxiouse.

the only people i share with is my children.

2rebecca · 08/06/2013 10:34

I swapped meals with the kids when they were young in restaurants as they were often adventurous with their ordering but less keen when it came. I made sure they ordered things I liked though and I usually ordered something safe. Now they are teenagers we discuss in advance whether we will swap half way through a meal, give each other "a piece" of whatever to swap or just eat our own meals.
I don't give people bites of my cake. If you want some cake you order yopur own slice and I'd never ask for a bit of someone else's.
With my husband we'll discuss before ordering if we're swapping, giving each other a taste or eating our own.
No-one just helps themself to food from my plate.
I'm happy with communal dishes but expect everyone to decide which communal dishes we get.

HeadsDownThumbsUp · 08/06/2013 10:38

By being territorial about food, you are declining to be part of a wider circle. You are making a statement about not needing to be a part of the wider circle.

I agree with Holly on this.

2rebecca · 08/06/2013 10:41

I agree with Cornflower in the weirdness of comments in the Guardian's Blind date column on sharing food. Sharing food has nothing to do with table manners and i'm surprised how ofteb people mention it in that section.
usually if me and DH/ one of the kids decide to swap meals halfway it's because when ordering we can't decide between the same 2 options so decide to order one each and swap, not because we consider it good manners to swap.
If someone I didn't know on a first date kept trying to eat my food I'd consider it very bad manners.