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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

sharing food....reasonable or not?

189 replies

DonutForMyself · 07/06/2013 18:20

I won't say which side of the fence I fall on until I've had some responses!

But essentially, do you share your food or are you a bit territorial about it?

If your DCs want what you have ordered in a restaurant instead of what they have ordered, would you swap?

Would you swap with your DP if they weren't keen on their meal?

If you are having a piece of cake etc would you offer others a bite of it?

OP posts:
MrsBertMacklin · 08/06/2013 10:46

I'm happy to share food and offer to do so and nowadays, especially like splitting a pudding in restaurants, agreed beforehand, rather than nicking off someone's plate... But it does annoy me when people ASK to have food off your plate, I think that's bad manners.

On a related note, the way tapas is done in this country is a total rip-off. The servings per plate should be smaller, therefore cheaper, so you can order plenty without it costing more than a one-plate meal.

Lweji · 08/06/2013 11:42

In group outings, friends or work, if the restaurant has food that we are more familiar with we tend to order our own food. No tastings, unless something is unusual, or someone has never tried it.
The same with desserts.
We tend to share starters. Or some people will order one to split if they know the portions are large (not so much in the UK, but definitely in Portugal).
At a restaurant with a type of food we have never tried, we tend to order different things to share and may order more of a popular choice half way through.

AmberSocks · 08/06/2013 12:21

in restauraunts with myfamily,as in the kids and dh,we share,ourlocal restauraunt is a tapas place and its great,lots of little dishes and we all share.good for kids too as they dont feel pressured to eat a big meal,they seem to like picking at stuff.

2rebecca · 08/06/2013 13:10

Chip stealing is irritating, if you want chips order them. Same with people who won't order a pudding but then demand bits from those who do, they're usually pretending to be eating healthily.
I think if you agree before ordering what is and isn't to be shared it's much easier.

diddl · 08/06/2013 13:38

"By being territorial about food, you are declining to be part of a wider circle. You are making a statement about not needing to be a part of the wider circle."

That sounds absolute bollocks to me.

I would suggest if you are out eating together, you are already part of the same circle!

If I'm out with a group of friends & we've all ordered-why would there be any sharing?

Unless it's agreed beforehand?

People can offer others a taste if they like-but I don't think that everyone has to, nor do I think that everyone has to have a taste to be accepted/sociable!!

DollyClothespeg · 08/06/2013 13:42

JOEY DOESN'T SHARE FOOD!

Grin Just came onto the thread to say the exact same thing but see I've been beaten to it...

Original poster
DonutForMyself · 08/06/2013 13:53

Well from the replies on here there seems to be a fair split of saliva sharers and selfish bastards non-sharers so I certainly feel a bit better about it now!

  • DP had some special food for a particular dietary requirement this morning which he shared with me, but not the DCs when they asked. Maybe he's learning to toughen up a bit and I'm learning to share a bit and we'll meet somewhere in the middle.
OP posts:
MsJupiterJones · 08/06/2013 14:16

To be fair your username is a bit of a giveaway as to your sharing preferences! Wink

Original poster
DonutForMyself · 08/06/2013 14:20

Yeah I realised that afterwards! Funnily enough it was an easy & obvious NC (not sure why I NCed as I've since linked DP to this thread anyway!) but then it happened to spell out my non-sharing status.

OP posts:
SilverOldie · 08/06/2013 14:42

I will happily share a packet of crisps or nuts in the pub but when it comes to a meal, I am totally unadventurous with food but know exactly what I like and order accordingly.

It used to drive me mad when my food arrived and a friend would say 'oh you won't eat all that' and her hand would lunge at my plate to pinch a chip. She got her knuckles rapped. If you want a chip, order chips!

Original poster
DonutForMyself · 08/06/2013 14:44

I might start ordering 2 or 3 meals (like Smithy in Mango's link below!) just so I have some spare!

OP posts:
JazzDalek · 08/06/2013 15:06

I don't like sharing. It's just ingrained or inbuilt or something...I mean, I'm a nice person, kind, generous in all other ways (would happily give money if needed, lend or give books and possessions without a second thought), but if so much as a single chip is taken from my plate my hackles just rise. It really, really grates on me on a gut level.

I had a great childhood full of love and security, but it was definitely unconventional and there were lots of siblings, so I suppose there was an element of every man for himself at the dinner table.

worsestershiresauce · 08/06/2013 15:22

I don't mind sharing a bit off my plate provided I can put it on the other person's plate myself. I don't like people diving in and helping themselves.

I wouldn't swap an entire meal just because the other person didn't like their's though. Why should I have something I wouldn't choose just because they have decided they made the wrong choice. In restaurants one meal is often much nicer than the other. Sometimes you make the better choice, sometimes you don't. It all evens out in the end.

I also wouldn't ask for food off someone else's plate. Rude rude rude....

themidwife · 08/06/2013 15:46

I think you change your name to Smiffydon'tshare! GrinGrin

Actually that's the answer - order twice as much! Or what I do - black volcano fish - no one steals that off me!

Shitsinger · 08/06/2013 23:04

I can honestly say I have never been out for dinner or had a meal where someone thought it acceptable to take food from my plate. I just cant imagine it ! how odd!
I find it a bit childish really .

Shitsinger · 08/06/2013 23:14

Have had a think and came to the conclusion that sharing food in the sense of having a meal, offering dishes and eating together is part of being "the wider circle" but taking/demanding food is a bit of a crossing of boundaries . However if it is your partner/child it is quite intimate or nurturing .Its complex Grin

Morloth · 08/06/2013 23:50

No, I don't share 'my' food.

I am fine with tapas etc but once it is on my plate it is mine.

The kids are always catered for.

DH learned very early on in our relationship to keep his hands away from my food.

I grew up one of 6 kids in a household with very little money.

LumpInTheCustard · 08/06/2013 23:56

For me it depends on if the sharing is prearranged or spur of the moment - if I know from the outset that I have to give x amount of food to someone else then I am fine with it. But someone suddenly just wanting some of my food which I ordered for me and am looking forward to eating - well, that's not happening.

It is also about the person who I'm sharing with. Anyone who eats more than their fair share or picks out all the best bits for themselves can just sod right off. So I would only share with someone who I know won't cheat me or leave me hungry.

Anyone who just swoops in to snatch something off my plate really raises my hackles and I will always avoid eating with them in future if I can. I probably look like a snarling animal crouching over my kill as I guard my dinner from known chip-nappers, but I don't care. My chips are my chips. If you want chips order some, don't nick mine.

I also hate people who don't order their own appetizer/dessert and then either ask for some of mine, or sit and stare at me as I eat mine - clearly wanting me to offer them some. Drives me crazy, and is so rude.

HoppinMad · 09/06/2013 01:07

I dont mind sharing food, in fact my dc (3) and baby ALWAYS want a taste of my food, the older dc not so much now. Dh will try it if it is a new food or takeout. I wouldnt do a whole swap though, am too selfish for that.

KitNCaboodle · 09/06/2013 02:10

I would swap with DCs or DH if they didn't like their food. Also happy to share food with others- tapas etc.
BUT:

  1. don't double dip. Eurgh
  2. I wouldn't share cutlery, have food from someone else's fork (even DCs) or offer food on my fork.

The only time I get peed off with sharing is when DH helps himself to my plate because he's been a greedy arse and wolfed down his dinner. Especially when we have a roast and I leave the best bits until last.

cantspel · 09/06/2013 02:16

I dont share unless it is a pre arranged agreement with something like curry or chinese but once it is on my plate it is mine.

2rebecca · 09/06/2013 07:41

I wouldn't swap with my husband if he didn't like his food or expect him to swap with me. We eat most things though so this has rarely happened. We'd order something else or just have a pudding if that happened. As an adult it's rare you'd dislike everything on the plate, usually there are potatoes/ veg etc you could eat. If my husband expected me to give him some of his dinner because he'd made a poor choice I'd think him selfish.
If it's badly cooked we'd send it back.

MrsMook · 09/06/2013 08:32

I'm a sharer. I like eating out where there are several dishes to choose from in the middle.

DH and offer tastes to eachother. Chip nicking does occur between us. I have a small apetite, so to go out and order extra chips, deserts etc would be very wasteful when all I want/ need is a small amount.

MrTumblesBavarianFanbase · 09/06/2013 08:42

I am happy to share with my young children, and to a degree with my husband, but not with anyone else.

I live overseas where Indian restaurants are few and far between and there are none near us, so when I go back to the UK I have usually been dreaming of enjoying a chicken Rogan Josh with a Pilau rice and a garlic nan for months in advance. The first time we went back I told my parents about this several times, and when we arrived, but when we ordered a take away at their house they put everything in the middle and everyone helped themselves to the items I'd ordered, and been anticipating for months, while I was sorting out my kids, and I ended up with only a tiny taster of my own dish, and lots of dribs and drabs of stuff I didn't especially like or want :( That was years ago and I am still very bitter about it! :o

If you are deliberately trying new things (perhaps on a holiday abroad or a type of restaurant you have not tried before) it makes sense to share and see what everything is, if you all agree, but I don't understand the compulsion to do it when everyone is familiar with the dishes and knows what they want to order - it all ends up very unsatisfactory and I have to go and eat chocolate afterwards to get over the disappointment :)

I also hate ordering desert or a "treat" type dish with an adult who chooses to take the healthy option/ insists they are to full for desert and then have them assume they have the automatic right to share mine!

In short I am happy to share with small children, but otherwise I will be seething if you assume a right to share my take away or restaurant food :) At home it is all more flexible obviously as everyone eats the same anyway.

formicadinosaur · 09/06/2013 08:51

My kids, I and the hubby would order a meal we liked, so wouldn't dislike the meal when it turned up. Sometimes we might prefer the look of someone elses meal but it's tough really. We would however give eachother a spoonful of our meal, a little taster out of interest.

We only ever buy a couple of cakes betwen a family of 6, so we have to share them!

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