in thinking this is taking things too far?

[Imsoworriedandupset]

There was a row at work today and before I start I am going to say I recognise I was out of order, so my question is, should my boss have accepted my apology?

I'm a teacher, and went into it as a mature entrant. I know I can be blunt. My head of department was also new, and she seemed to dislike me from the start, for example she would ignore any advice or suggestions I gave her but be really pleased if anyone else did. I do think she struggles with her work but she cosies up to the head and his deputy so gets away with it.

Anyway she said today she needed to have a "difficult conversation" with me so I was OK with this, I can take constructive criticism, but I wasn't prepared for the character assassination that followed! Apparently I "make working life in the department difficult." I am "belligerent" and "aggressive" to children and upset them needlessly - she said she has had parental complaints. I asked why she hadn't told me and she agreed she should have but said she didn't want to upset me! Also refused to tell me who the parents were, which makes me think it was a lie. So I was reeling from that when she said that she is "concerned" about my teaching, that my planning "really is not adequate." I was upset and angry and I asked for examples. She said a recent book scrutiny showed lack of challenge - "you are giving them work they are more than capable of doing so no learning is taking place." I said surely if they are doing the work it shows they are learning. She said I was relying on printed sheets/textbooks too much and she said "personally I can't really teach anything I haven't made myself" and then I said I had a home and family to go to and if she had kids she'd understand.

She went very quiet then and said clearly the conversation needed to be referred on to senior managers because she was not prepared to be "ridiculed". I did try to apologise and sent an email saying sorry. I do know I can lose my temper but I just felt so defensive, I know I was bu but is there any chance of sorting this out and I do still feel angry over some stuff! But now I'll have to meet with the head about my "conduct".

Is this a joke?

If it's not:

Of course you won't be told which parents have complained about you, that woudl be ridiculous and awkward and could cause untold problems.

YOu are upsetting children (primary age?) with your bluntness, of which you seem quite proud.

And you don't think you should be doing adequate planning and prep because you have your own family? Never mind your incredibly hostile and rude comment of 'if you had kids you'd understand'.

I don';t think teaching is the best path for you if you have such a foul temper and a short fuse.

Perhaps you should request a mediatation meeting with the head and your superior and air your concerns without losing your temper. I do understand your point but without being there can't comment on the row itself really. Hope it gets sorted out though.

Of course there is a chance of sorting this out, give it time and take a breather as you seem very worked up.

It is very difficult to tell from only one side and of course, teaching is so 'up in the air' at the moment as we are all being told to work isn't challenging enough one minute and then too challenging the next. You just have to play the game. Your emotional response does indicate that you might be also "emotional" elsewhere; hence the 'chat', maybe you are not. Either way, we just have to bite the bullet, do whatever we are told by management and get on with it.

The 'if you had kids' comment was very very out of line, IMO: not a proper answer to the criticism, and personally insensitive to her.

As for the rest, do think about it. Bluntness is almost never a virtue. You don't have to be mealymouthed, just diplomatic and considerate. I think it would be a mistake to assume, because you don't get on with her, that the parents' complaints haven't happened and that your boss's criticisms aren't genuine.

My last (very strange) HOD did this to me - said she had concerns about my teaching (secondary). I was a term in to a new job after 9 years experience and had not been observed once. When I pointed this out to her she got very flustered. 2 good observations later I asked if she was still concerned and she looked at me blankly. She'd forgotten all about the conversation that had made me feel like I couldn't do my job.

I don't work there any more.

That said, I was the only one in the dept without kids but I would never have dared call her on it!

I think you need specifics here. You can't respond properly to this sort of vague criticism.

Sorry I meant WITH kids!

Euphemia thanks, it was just because it came so completely out of the blue.

No it isn't a joke. These are secondary pupils (not that it makes a difference) and I shouted at some yesterday for making a lot of noise on the corridor and I didn't see they were talking to another teacher at the time.

I do do adequate planning, but what the head of department was saying was that I shouldn't be using stuff downloaded or textbook work, I should be adapting it which I don't think helps. I agree I shouldn't of said that she'd understand if she had kids of her own but I was upset and angry by that point.

Bollocks. this is bullying. A disciplinary without notice wotg serious accusations made about parental complaints withput them being presented or (lets face ir) even there. you have every right to tear her fucking head off for her idiocy.

immediately write a ' I am amazed by accusations presenred without evidence" and request evidence in two days or you will be forced to regard her actions as harassment unless there is a full writen retraction.

she is a fucking dickhead who needs a sharp slap back.Copy this I to next scale on procedure and talk quickly to a harrassment advisor.
God I hate devious managers

I agree chucking these allegations at you without evidence or notice is wrong. I would ask for a meeting with her and a senior person (no more one-on-ones until this is thrashed out) to discuss it.

From only your side here you sound unsuited to teaching.

You do sound like you're in the wrong job and she shouldn't have approached you the way she did.

And please don't say "I agree I shouldn't of said that". you're a teacher.

but what the head of department was saying was that I shouldn't be using stuff downloaded or textbook work, I should be adapting it which I don't think helps.

How on earth could it NOT help?

Be that as it may, sounds like there are shortcomings on both sides. I would think once she has calmed down and realises that you truly regret your out of order remark (and saying 'of' instead of 'have' , right there with you Early) there may well be a negotiable way forward.

What I would counsel against would be following the advice of NotDead. Asking. For. Trouble.

I am not a teacher so may not be the best person to offer advice but two thoughts spring to mind;

She was out of line making what looks like a disciplinary charge against you that appears not to be properly supported and inv

Whoops!
I meant to say involving accusations that have built up and should have been disclosed to you at the time.

But you were way out of line with your remark about not having children and have not done yourself any favours. I guess you know that though.

What you need to do now is separate these two issues as far as you can.

I would grovel to this woman about what you said and separately request a meeting with the head to see if you can get some objective perspective on what complaints have been made.

Is it a disciplinary charge then? I am so upset. I don't know why you think I'm not suited to teaching. I did lose my temper in that meeting but one minute everything is fine the next you're being told people dislike you have complained about you and teaching is poor? I just felt really on the defensive.

Yes I said "should of" sorry I meant "should have."

This is only my 2nd year teaching full time.

Using good resources from the web is sensible in my opinion, and her comment that she can't teach anything she hasn't personally made is odd. That said, you do need to adapt downloaded work to ensure it is suited to your pupils and the particular emphasis of your scheme of work.
Some of what she says sounds reasonable but only you know how accurate it is. I would ask for a meeting with her and her line manager (the Head? The Deputy?) to talk about the situation calmly.

I don't know if it meets the technical definition of a disciplinary charge in your industry (I work in the private sector). But if her views are shared by other managers then the bottom line is that they aren't happy with your work.

That's why you need to find out whether these are complaints which are recognised and being taken seriously by other managers or if this is a personal vendetta.

This is not disciplinary. This is a perhaps clumsy attempt at having a conversation to help ensure it doesn't get to that. It is clumsy because it is addressing too much at once, and has put you right on the defensive. However, each of the points is something that needs to be discussed, if true. Leaving difficult conversations until after a PM observation is also not great. A good HOD should be able to monitor performance over time.

And your comment was very unprofessional indeed.

but what the head of department was saying was that I shouldn't be using stuff downloaded or textbook work, I should be adapting it which I don't think helps.
But does that mean that if you're using it 'as is', you're not differentiating?

Because that would be a problem.

It's reasonable for her not to say which parents are complaining but if genuine she should be able to discuss in detail what the parents' issue was without naming names. And she definitely should have done so straight away (or after some investigation eg observing lesson, speaking to child involved) not left it to hold against you at some later date

Lesson planning etc is part of a teachers life. Having children is not s valid excuse for regularly skimping on planning. "All three kids are ill" is ok for a few days of video watching lessons "I have three kids" isn't. Yes I know teachers have an awful lot of work to do outside the classroom but in return you get l

Sorry posted too quick

In return you get long school holidays to spend with your own family. Would you be happy if your dc's teacher wasn't planning their lessons properly?

I think the "if you had kids" comments might be the ops undoing in all of this....

And surely lesson planning is part of the job.