in thinking this is taking things too far?

[Imsoworriedandupset]

There was a row at work today and before I start I am going to say I recognise I was out of order, so my question is, should my boss have accepted my apology?

I'm a teacher, and went into it as a mature entrant. I know I can be blunt. My head of department was also new, and she seemed to dislike me from the start, for example she would ignore any advice or suggestions I gave her but be really pleased if anyone else did. I do think she struggles with her work but she cosies up to the head and his deputy so gets away with it.

Anyway she said today she needed to have a "difficult conversation" with me so I was OK with this, I can take constructive criticism, but I wasn't prepared for the character assassination that followed! Apparently I "make working life in the department difficult." I am "belligerent" and "aggressive" to children and upset them needlessly - she said she has had parental complaints. I asked why she hadn't told me and she agreed she should have but said she didn't want to upset me! Also refused to tell me who the parents were, which makes me think it was a lie. So I was reeling from that when she said that she is "concerned" about my teaching, that my planning "really is not adequate." I was upset and angry and I asked for examples. She said a recent book scrutiny showed lack of challenge - "you are giving them work they are more than capable of doing so no learning is taking place." I said surely if they are doing the work it shows they are learning. She said I was relying on printed sheets/textbooks too much and she said "personally I can't really teach anything I haven't made myself" and then I said I had a home and family to go to and if she had kids she'd understand.

She went very quiet then and said clearly the conversation needed to be referred on to senior managers because she was not prepared to be "ridiculed". I did try to apologise and sent an email saying sorry. I do know I can lose my temper but I just felt so defensive, I know I was bu but is there any chance of sorting this out and I do still feel angry over some stuff! But now I'll have to meet with the head about my "conduct".

Are you on long term supply OP?

Oh god, cross posts sorry.
I am sorry, OP.

Right.
I don't know your personal circumstances, obviously, but the deadline for resignations has passed, so if you can apply like mad now, you shouldn't have so much competition for the posts that need filling now.
I wouldn't try and change their minds, to be honest.

I think you obviously felt on the recieving end of a character assasination - and therefore felt defensive. Which sounds normal and explains your reaction.

There should have been a third party there really. Maybe you could ask for a union member or a responsible member of staff to be there next time. This could easily just be a personality clash.

Tell her you want the details of the complaint (discluding names)- as you won't give it any consideration at all unless it can be outlined in detail. To be quite honest the complaints must be small-ish or they would have by-passed her and made it to the head snappy quick. Hoever the best thing you can do is take on comments and try and move forward.

Do you think she has ground for her comments? If so what can you change? Try and give solutions. Make a plan together. Make it positive.

However if this is just a personaility clash, the union should be involved. Polishing her ego might help though, as it may just come down to her insecurity.

Really sorry, just read you post.

It might just be her and the school, do give it a second chance.

Does your school take the TES? There are still jobs becoming available and as the deadline for resignations has passed you should be ok. I would however check your contract properly. It doesn't sound right to me that they can just fire you without offering support.
You said your first post was also mat cover, did you get your proper first year support with regular observations that were signed off at the end of the year?

I'm very sorry that this has happened to you, but I'm afraid from your post I can see lots of teaching red flags. If you're in an outstanding school then they expect an outstanding level of teaching and learning. Downloaded worksheets, work that's not differentiated appropriately is fine for an occasional Friday afternoon lesson, but is not acceptable every day.

The comment about family is below the belt and massively unprofessional.

Belligerence is not a positive trait. I would be asking yourself why you reacted so angrily to a meeting which sounds like it was a (poorly managed admittedly) attempt to get to the bottom of some quite serious and legitimate concerns.

If my line manager raised ANY one of those concerns with me, I would be devastated and determined to improve, not furious and convinced that I was right.

I'm sorry to hear that OP. Perhaps you need to use this as an opportunity to examine your teaching and your approach to your colleagues?

Despite evidence to the contrary, teaching is a collaborative field. We NEED our colleagues to bounce ideas off, share strategies, and take a team approach to student management and curriculum development. You cannot exist in a bubble. No matter how many years you have been teaching,you need to be able to work wit your colleagues. There's always something to learn, whether it be from a veteran or a fresh faced graduate. Even teachers have things they need to learn.

Does your university, or where you did your training, offer support services for former students? Alternatively, did you have a good relationship with your supervising teacher, or any other teacher youhave encountered? It may be worth approaching them to ask if they would be willing to mentor and support you in your career. I couldn't have survived the first few years without good mentors, whether it be asking them for advice on lesson planning or just a frustrated 'how do I get them to listen to me?' Our degrees really teach us very little when it comes to the hands on nitty grittyof being ateacher.

This can be the most frustrating career, but also the most rewarding. If teaching is really what you want to be doing, then stick at it. But please do seek out some support, and be prepared for some constructive criticism. It's how we become better. Good luck, OP.

I'm not a teacher and don't know the subtle ins/outs which I'm sure are there, I also know that what you describe can happen in the way you say, but reading your OP at face value, I have to say YABU.

You say yourself you can be blunt, say things you regret, start shouting at children when you've misunderstood the situation, lose your temper, be defensive, think other people have got where they are because they 'cosy up' to the boss etc.

These add up to less control of how you behave in a work environment than I'd be happy with if you were my DCs teacher.

If you admit them yourself, why is it so wrong for your HoD to bring them up? It's plausible for her to say she didn't want to upset you if you're a bit volatile generally and she feared for her life

It's her place to bring it to your attention, she'd be doing the school and the children a disservice if she didn't.

Parents have complained, and the first thing you do is think she must be lying. Why would she do that? To have a dig at you?? That would be putting her job on the line in order to get at you, I don't believe that.

If I complained about a teacher I would expect it to be taken seriously, by the school and the teacher themselves.

You have to take this seriously.

After saying that, I am sorry you're devastated no job's worth the amount of shit that goes with devastation.

I agree I shouldn't of said that she'd understand if she had kids of her own

YABVVU for two reasons: your atrocious grammar, and your statement that your line manager is somehow inadequate because she doesn't have children.

I don't think the OP implied inadequacy on the part of the teacher. She engaged mouth before brain and didn't think through the possible issues relating to fertility/ possible pregnancy or infant loss, etc.

It sounds like the OP is paying dearly for this, so I'm not sure what there is to gain from further criticising her now. I imagine grammar is the least of her concern.

From this brief(ish) explanation you sound very much like a woman I used to work with. Our manager tried to explain that her behaviour was not conducive to a happy or functional working environment and she went straight down the 'I'm being bullied' route.

She found it impossible to see that there was anything wrong with her behaviour even though the rest of the team were finding it difficult to work with her and other staff were complaining that she was impossible to work with.

In short, I'm saying that I think you need to take a close look at your behaviour. If you are still convinced that you are not in the wrong then I would suggest trying a formal route i.e. ask for observations, appraisals etc

It sounds like your HOD was trying to broach the issue without issuing a formal complaint.

In the situation I referred to above. The woman made a formal complaint about bullying. It was found to be unreasonable and thankfully she left. She does still harass staff members with angry emails almost 5 years later.... I think that speaks volumes.

I'm sorry it has come to this.

Is there any mileage in having a frank chat with the head, admitting that you've handled things badly, but asking for some pointers on how you can make sure that the remainder of your time at the school is on a better footing? Tell her that you want to ensure that the children get the best possible teaching, even if you're not going to be there for long, and ask how best to achieve this.

Unfortunately, it does sound like things haven't been going well in all sorts of areas - I think the big red flag for the other staff member was probably the comment about the children learning just by doing the work, and the implication that you couldn't commit any more time to lesson planning, rather than the personal comment, per se.

I don't think you've got anything to lose by a humble, willing-to-learn approach. At best, they might struggle to replace you and finish up letting your time there run on if things improve. At worst, they might think a bit better of you and give you a slightly better reference.

Could you ask if there's any targeted training that they could suggest? Any advice for any future post?

Everyone screws up at some point in their lives. I think you have to accept that this was your time, and work out a way to move forward.

I'm really sorry to hear that :(

It sounds like she handled the situation very badly & disliked you from the get go. A HOD should have much better skills than that and should use them - especially with a new teacher.

If it were me, I would make an appointment to speak to the head - in a calm manner.

Of course saying what you said about her not having kids was rude & stupid - but I think you know that already and we all say the occasional regrettable thing - even at work.

I don't think the OP implied inadequacy on the part of the teacher. She engaged mouth before brain and didn't think through the possible issues relating to fertility/ possible pregnancy or infant loss

Telling someone they "don't understand" something because they don't have children is implying they are inadequate in some way. I'd go so far as to say that saying something like that really questions a woman's status as a full human being. Women get that all the time: it's vile, as someone else has already said. And I really don't think it matters the reason that someone doesn't have children: even if it's a choice to be child-free, implying anyone is a lesser person because they don't have children is just completely out of order.

If the OP has now had her contract shortened, there must be more going on than we've heard about. In a standard school, you can't just be dismissed for no reason, AFAIK (I could be wrong I work in public education, but not schools). It sounded to me as though the HoD was trying rather ill-advisedly, that's clear -- to have a "quiet chat" with the OP before things escalated into formal disciplinary proceedings. I've been in that situation ie trying to have a quiet word. I was trying to do my colleague a favour, but it rarely ends well, IME, either for the colleague or the manager. I wouldn't be surprised if there haven't been consequences for the OP's HOD as well.

OP- can i offer a tiny bit of advice?

It is hard, but do not let this devastate you. This was a situation handled very very poorly by equally poor manager. Because you were maternity cover they did not bother to raise any issues (if there were any) with you. They had decided to get rid of you before that first conversation.They also may well have looked at the books and decided with year 11s on study leave they could cover your hours with permanent staff. i could just imagine the discussion- we dont need her anymore- how can we get rid though? just tell her that she is loud, make up some comment about parents then get shot the following day. if every teacher who shouted in the corridor,not realising another teacher was there got sacked the schools would be empty

Sit down and have a long hard think about what you have learned from this experience. Do not have your career dictated by other peoples half formed opinions. You have been treated unfairly,but life is like that.

i was treated similarly and it took me 2 years to realise the actual agenda and what i was told was just not true and had nothing to do with me.

If it's an academy (especially large chain) the OP can be got rid of on 'competent performance' - that's the latest to get rid of troublesome teachers.

FWIW - if my child was being given worksheets downloaded from the internet, not adapted to their needs, I'd be writing to the Head - that isn't teaching anything, it's baby sitting.

OP don't give up. I have a DF who was treated like shit by her childless HOD at a cushy private school. She left, got a job in a state school with a nice HOD who was prepared to accept the realities of family.

DF went from a Gina Ford following, neurotic, stressed and difficult person to a relaxed normal person over night.

Don't let the buggers put you down.