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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Re being instructed to wear specific colour to a party

100 replies

vintageclock · 05/06/2013 16:55

A colleague of DH is having a 40th birthday party next month and we've been invited. It's a red and black themed party - all of the men are to wear black and all of the women red. I mean, WTF? Apart from the fact that red looks awful on me, why on earth should I be forced to go out and buy something in a colour I never wear to attend this party. DH thinks it's a bit cheeky as well. AIBU to simply regret the invite and say we're doing something else that night?

OP posts:

BunnyLebowski · 05/06/2013 16:58

Very cheeky and partyzilla-ish.

I would deliberately wear green.

I have a slight problem with being told what to do .

Antisecco · 05/06/2013 16:58

Right behind you Vintage. I HATE being put on the spot like this, although some weirdos people seem to think it adds to the fun. Totally okay to send your apologies, and if they take umbrage, muck 'em, do you care??

TigOldBitties · 05/06/2013 16:59

Then don't go if you don't like it. I've been to quite a few, mainly black and white parties.

It's just a theme and better than fancy dress.

HollyBerryBush · 05/06/2013 16:59

Don't go if you don't want to go. Personally I would wear black with a red scarf or borrow a red jacket. I wouldn't be splashing out on an item of clothing I would never wear again. On reflection, no I wouldn't be going.

ImTooHecsyForYourParty · 05/06/2013 16:59

I do hate people trying to organise me to that extent.

Does the invite say all red? cos you could wear something in black, or cream or something with a red cardi/wrap. or a red and cream dress or some pattern with red in it.

You can do a wide eyed oh, I didn't realise it was entirely in red. I thought you meant just have something red.

They are not likely to turn you away at the door and you can enjoy an evening out.

kim147 · 05/06/2013 17:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bearbehind · 05/06/2013 17:01

I think it would be fine if you could wear red or black as most people could manage that and it's easier than fancy dress, but to say all women must wear red is birthdayzilla territory!

WhoDat · 05/06/2013 17:01

YABU but are free to do whatever you like. It's not the law. I always assume these things are more of a suggestion to help create an atmosphere. I don't think anyone would really give two fecks if you just wore a rose or a red bracelet etc as your interpretation. Are you always this up for fun?

nemno · 05/06/2013 17:02

So don't go.

Minshu · 05/06/2013 17:03

If you want to go, do so and wear what you like. If anyone has the cheek to question you, simply tell them you don't wear red. Ever. If you think they are being twattish enough not to go, just don't.

I wore purple to a pink theme party, no one batted an eye and only a couple of people had anything pink at all.

meditrina · 05/06/2013 17:03

Well, some events do have dress codes (vicars and tarts at one end of the scale, the Diamonds ball at the other). So it's normal and with extensive precedent.

You don't have to go.

Original poster

vintageclock · 05/06/2013 17:05

No, the theme is 'Totally black and red' and the invite states in jokey fashion 'lashings not splashings of red, please!'

I'd have no problem if I thought I could just tie a red ribbon around my wrist or buy cheap red earrings or somesuch. I think she's planning to do the room up in red, black and white and wants us all to completely fit in.

OP posts:

SybilRamkin · 05/06/2013 17:05

Ooh, go in green like Bunny suggested, and then claim colour blindness! ("but this is red, isn't it?")

ipswitch · 05/06/2013 17:06

Go if you want to ( and think you will enjoy it) and wear whatever you want. I would go and not wear red. If asked I would say I had red knickers on!

YANBU to decline any invitation

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 05/06/2013 17:07

If I liked the person enough I'd wear black, with a red accessory (assuming you have something black).

I don't think they did this to upset you, but maybe red wasn't the best choice.

I always baulk at fancy dress (but sometimes enjoy it when I get there), so this seems better than that

exoticfruits · 05/06/2013 17:07

I would just wear something that is a token red.

maddy68 · 05/06/2013 17:08

Don't be so miserable about it. She is having a themed party. You don't have to go. Her party her rules

You don't have to go top to toe in red. Just a black dress with a red belt will do or a red flower.

I never understand people who moan about being invited to something and them not being happy about it. If you don't like it don't go

durbanmummy · 05/06/2013 17:09

YABU and a massive party pooper!! As other people have said - just don't go!!
I held a 'Red and White' themed party for DH's 40th and whilst I didnt say men & women should wear a different colour, I did ask that people dress in red/white or both and bring something red or white to drink.
These colours meant something to my DH and it was respectful that his close friends who came to his party dressed up to celebrate his birthday with him. One person came wearing blue - as a joke which we laughed at.

Its a party not the rest of your life!!!

ipswitch · 05/06/2013 17:09

Just remembered my friend did this for her 40th too. Guests asked to wear black or white. She had an amazing red dress on.

50% of the guests complied, 50% didn't.

Great party anyhoo.

LadyClariceCannockMonty · 05/06/2013 17:10

I think you ought to enter into the spirit of it, tbh. They're having a themed party and the colours are part of it. You can always accessorise or highlight in red.

Montybojangles · 05/06/2013 17:13

Its someone's idea of making the party special, you don't have to go if you don't want to get into the spirit of it.

You could always go for a deeper maroon colour.

I always quite enjoy the challenge of this kind of thing, it's good to step out of your comfort zone from time to time.

Birdsgottafly · 05/06/2013 17:13

Personally i would wear black pants and look on cheaper web sites for a red top.

Perhaps you shouldn't go, it isn't something that a friend would object to, it sounds as though they have given obligatory invites out in work.

There is nothing worse than joining in, whether it's a theme, or fancy dress, to find that others haven't bothered and want to be miserable about even being asked.

LulaPalooza · 05/06/2013 17:15

As an aside, there was an immensely annoying woman on Come Dine With Me who asked all her guests to her 21st birthday to wear black so that she would stand out better in the photos in her emerald green dress. One friend did not fully comply (she wore a black dress with a pattern on it) so she sent the friend home to change! Apparently the friend did not come back.

As to the original question... YANBU to decline the invite if it's not your thing.

arabesque · 05/06/2013 17:17

YANBU. She is making her 'theme' far too specific. If it was something like a 'Great Gatsby' party or somesuch people could just be a bit creative about adapting stuff they already have and buying some cheap 1920s looking accessories. Likewise with fancy dress or 'a splash of red' theme or somesuch.
But she seems to be making it clear she wants the women to come mainly dressed in red (a colour that a lot of people can't wear or don't really like) and that's a bit rude.

I mean, really. Does she want her guests to have fun or simply to match the table cloths??

NomDeOrdinateur · 05/06/2013 17:18

If you own black clothes, why not ask her if she'd be happy for you to wear those instead?

I love fancy dress, but I'd much rather that my friends came in semi-appropriate clothing which they felt happy with than have the party without them. I do think it's important to compromise if you would actually like to go, though - themed parties are expensive and time-consuming for the host, so it's only fair that guests make a little effort for their otherwise free entertainment.

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