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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Re being instructed to wear specific colour to a party

100 replies

vintageclock · 05/06/2013 16:55

A colleague of DH is having a 40th birthday party next month and we've been invited. It's a red and black themed party - all of the men are to wear black and all of the women red. I mean, WTF? Apart from the fact that red looks awful on me, why on earth should I be forced to go out and buy something in a colour I never wear to attend this party. DH thinks it's a bit cheeky as well. AIBU to simply regret the invite and say we're doing something else that night?

OP posts:

ENormaSnob · 05/06/2013 17:20

I hate shit like this so would probably decline unless it was a good pal.

arabesque · 05/06/2013 17:22

But if you're having a themed party surely you should take into account the fact that not all of your guests can afford to go out and buy something new? And perhaps something that they won't even wear again. It would be much better to come up with a fun theme where everyone can join in than a costly theme that not everyone can afford.

Montybojangles · 05/06/2013 17:22

www.wallis.co.uk/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/ProductDisplay?beginIndex=1&viewAllFlag=&catalogId=33058&storeId=12557&productId=10026763&langId=-1&sort_field=null&categoryId=209167&parent_categoryId=&pageSize=200

Something like that with red shrug and accessories maybe if you really can't bear all red?

Smartiepants79 · 05/06/2013 17:23

It would be better if it was a red or black for all but it's just like a fancy dress party really.
It wouldn't bother me, it's her party!
If it really bothers you just bend the rules a bit, have black with red accessories.
Pretend innocence!

MrsBertMacklin · 05/06/2013 17:23

Oh I hate this sort of thing. The only person who can get away with this sort of demand is Elton John and even then, that's because he puts on incredibly lavish parties in return for total dress code obedience.

You and DP should dress as Ant and Dec and say you only skimmed the invitation.

arabesque · 05/06/2013 17:23

Also, normally hosts give their guests a choice eg black and white, red and black etc. This host seems to have dictated one colour only for each sex.

YoniBottsBumgina · 05/06/2013 17:24

If the theme is black and red I'd just wear black. You won't look out of place and black suits most people.

NomDeOrdinateur · 05/06/2013 17:26

Absolutely, Arabesque - the theme is very restrictive but probably just thoughtless, I'd be very surprised if the host had a problem with OP wearing some black instead. It'd be easy to find/borrow/cheaply buy something in either red or black - if I had to buy it and really wanted to go, I'd just deduct the price from birthday present or drinks and consider it part of the cost of going out.

arabesque · 05/06/2013 17:29

I agree Nom, it sounds as if the hostess is a bit carried away with her idea and hasn't really thought it through. A theme is normally meant to be a bit of fun and give people a chance to be a bit creative or funny; but this 'theme' is a bit off the mark and I think a lot of people will end up just ignoring it.

Original poster

vintageclock · 05/06/2013 17:35

I didn't mean to sound like a party pooper. I have no problem with fancy dress parties and would equally have no problem with the guests being asked to wear black or red, or to include a dash of red in their outfit. But the women are basically being told to wear only red and I find that a bit annoying. It's not the type of colour that most women have in their wardrobe anyway (like black or white) and I really can't afford to buy a nice new outfit at the moment and would prefer to wear something I already have or, as someone suggested, jizz it up a bit with cheap stuff to fit the theme.

OP posts:

ENormaSnob · 05/06/2013 17:40

Arf at jizz it up

TheRealFellatio · 05/06/2013 17:42

Red and black? That sounds hideous.

I'd wear a fabulous black dress and stick to red nails and lips. you can't go wrong with that. Anything else sounds like a bad advert for Ann Summers.

BunnyLebowski · 05/06/2013 17:43

Jizz it up??

Wouldn't really fit with the colour scheme dahling

lborolass · 05/06/2013 17:48

I'm surprised that so many posters are saying to ignore the dress code, how rude and entitled.

If you don't agree with the instructions don't go, why on earth would you want to spoil someone's party? Obviously the theme's important to the host, I really have never met anyone who would take such pleasure in ruining a friend's night. [despairing face]

OctopusPete8 · 05/06/2013 17:57

But you might ruin the pichurs'

Montybojangles · 05/06/2013 17:57

Look on eBay. There are all styles and shades of red dress for £8-£30 pounds. Isn't your friend worth the effort for her 40th birthday?

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 05/06/2013 18:02

lborolass

I don't think anyone is advocating ignoring it completely,. She'll still fit in from a distance. It's up to her if she'd feel totally out of place when she got there not wearing a red dress.

It's a bout showing willing. If the party holder got arsey about it , that would be entitled. I think it's a bit of an exaggeration to say that it would be ruining their party.

ImTooHecsyForYourParty · 05/06/2013 18:02

a party isn't all about the host. What if someone doesn't HAVE a red outfit? Or hates red. Or looks awful in red and feels so self conscious that they have an awful time? Their choices are wear something they hate or miss out on a party?

Because they are there to be part of some great theme or something that pleases the host? I think that's more rude than someone not wanting to go dressed like a giant blood clot.

Definition of host - one who entertains guests.

When you throw a party, what matters is that people enjoy themselves. If someone doesn't want to wear red (or dress as an olive or wear balloons or have a post it note stuck to their forehead that says Orville The Duck) then a good host is ok with that. Because what you want is their company and for everyone to have a great time.

Not for people to match your bunting.

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 05/06/2013 18:03

Will every women be wearing a totally red dress? I really doubt it.

ImTooHecsyForYourParty · 05/06/2013 18:04

Me too, Jamie. I think a red and black outfit, or red and cream or some pattern that has red in it would be fine. It would still be loads of red but wouldn't make the OP feel like a tomato

CAF275 · 05/06/2013 18:07

Black dress and bright red lippy

And red shoes if you have them.

Loulybelle · 05/06/2013 18:08

Why not go for 2 pieces, black skirt and a red top, red bag, that should be enough.

MisForMumNotMaid · 05/06/2013 18:08

Something you like of ebay, go for a brand second hand then sell on. It'll probably only cost you postage. If you shop around you could even make money on it.

Wishiwasanheiress · 05/06/2013 18:10

It's done so hostess can rock up in clashing or diff colour and look fab and be stared at all night. White theme; hostess def dressed in red. Red theme; hostess dressed a la liz hurley in white.

Betcha!!

Steffanoid · 05/06/2013 18:13

it's not as if your friend has said you have to go in a whorish shade of red, there are plenty of different shades one of which.must suit everyone, if you can get a dress mainly red with a little black on it like the sash that would be fine, there's even places like primark, it's summer ball season, bound to be a cheap red dress out there somewhere

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