Do I let my DDs grandparents take her on holiday but not my DS?

[Churmy123]

Hi all
First a bit of background...I don't really have a fantastic relationship with my in-laws. We don't see them very often even though we live in an small town. This is mainly because a few years ago we pulled out of a holiday that we were supposed to go on with them when my DS was a baby. Ever since then things have been a little strained. My MIL does pick my DD (5) up from school one night a week and takes her to her house for tea but she rarely spends any time with my DS (2.5). She offers to have DD over to stay the night at the weekend (as she did this regularly before DS was born). I do let her go occasionally as she adores her nana and enjoys a sleepover. However I do feel its a bit unfair on my DS and he does get upset. I understand why she offers to have my DD more than my DS as he is a bit of a handful.
Anyway yesterday when my MIL dropped my DD at home my DD came running in excitedly shouting 'I'm going on holiday with nana'. So obviously myself and my DH asked what she was talking about and the MIL quickly said 'oh I've told her she can come on holiday with us at the end of the 6 weeks holidays. It's a lovely cottage on a farm with a pool. She'll love it.' I was a bit taken aback and didn't really say yes or no.
So I gave it some thought over night and text her today asking where it was and who was going. She replied that there was a gang of them going. I can only assume that its my DHs parents, sister and partner and possibly aunty and uncle. So now I'm in two minds whether to let her go. I can't help thinking its a big family holiday that we have been excluded from. And also feel sorry for my DS as he wasn't invited either.
So the question is would you let grandparents take one of your children?
Abi
x

I really would not let the favouritism continue. She could take both children to the park, or come over and see them. I think it is bloody hard on your DS to let him see how thoroughly he is being excluded, however much of a handful he is. I would insist she gives them equal time from now on. And no to the holiday-just entrenches the problem.

To be honest, given what they are like and your husband not being bothered, it is time to step back from them a bit? I just don't see the benefit in letting your child have a relationship with people who play games, exclude siblings and haven't forgiven you for a not very bad thing that happened 2 years ago. The games will affect your DD soon enough.

Sorry! Hadn't finished reading the thread when I posted. I shall go and- beat myself over the head with a heavy stick.

I am of a different opinion - my DS flies across the country to spend time with his grandmother in the summer, just him, and has been doing it since he was 7 years old. This is special time for them. When he is gone, we make the most of the time with DD, make her time here as special as his is away.

I have a less than stellar relationship with my mother, but I still am not going to stand in the way of DS having a relationship with her. She literally would not be able to pick DD out of a crowd. DD has severe medical issues that are life limiting, and my mother cannot deal with it, so she avoids her. This is no issue to my DD, as she hasn't the slightest idea who my mother is - my mother moved away before DD was born and has seen DD twice in her life.

However, DD is the golden girl with DH's parents, so it kind of balances out...

My mum has my eldest to stay for sleepovers and they're going on holiday this year for a few days, he's 9.

She does not have my 5 year old to stay over.

She WILL when my 5 year old is older.

She simply struggles with younger children, acknowledges it, adores both children. My youngest has no issue with this, he gets day trips with his Granny.

Sometimes it's not about favouritism but what you can cope with.

I think what's missing in the OP's case is a good relationship with honest communication, it may be your DS's age "Churmy" (my Dad just stared blankly at my children until they reached an age he could relate to - very close with both now!) it could even be gender (I do agree there needs to be a resolution if this is the reason, a way of balancing affection, or showing it).

Saying all that YANBU. I suppose only time/age will tell if the relationship gets better, I think you need to try to build a better relationship with your MIL (or rather, open more lines of communication) where you can voice your concerns, discuss your MIL's feelings and try and put something in place so that your DS doesn't feel left out when he's older.

The holiday is a blessing in disguise it has brought to a head problems that have been simmering I would say the relationship between DH and his sis does give an insight into how favouring one child can change sibling relations, she should not be allowed to do again.

"Sometimes it's not about favourtism but what you can cope with."

Absolutely agree with this. There's a world of difference looking after a 5 year old and a 2.5 year old. It's also about the benefits of the children doing things apart.

I've had similar issues - I have teenagers and I live a long way from DB and his kids, but recently I've had his eldest only to stay (age 11) so that she could join in with everything my dc do, go on the bus, to the park etc without adult supervision. She had a fantastic time, enjoying some grown up independence. DB and DSIL were a bit sniffy at first that I wouldn't have all 3 of theirs to stay, but in the end the younger ones had a great time too without bossy older sister and it worked well all round.