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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

... To be cross that my mother mispronounces DS's name?

116 replies

UndineSpragg · 05/06/2013 11:40

This is a combination AIBU and WWYD on something that is fairly trivial on the face of it, but makes me a bit cross and sad. (Though actually I can't see what can be done.)

My DS is almost 15 months old. We live in a different country to my parents, but visit frequently and talk most days on Skype, so they can see DS, who is their only grandchild. All involved have English as a first language. They have just been visiting us, and it was generally lovely. BUT I realised that, 15 months on, my mother still continually mispronounces DS's name. I knew she mispronounced it right at the beginning, when he was born, but DH and I told her (gently!) how to say it, and I thought it was resolved months back.

But now I realise it was only masked by the fact she usually calls him by a short form of his name most of the time. Which is fine, obviously, though everyone else calls him his full name, but when she talks to other people about him and uses his full name, she says it completely wrong. To the point where people don't recognise it.

It's not just a single error, but THREE, for heaven's sake. Difficult to explain without saying the name, but she pronounces a 'th' as 't', switches one vowel sound for another, and puts the emphasis on the wrong syllable. I only realised it was still going on when two people I know slightly from the park and who had met my parents out with DS while they were visiting, mentioned it yesterday, and were clearly worrying they had been calling DS the wrong name all along. (We are newly moved here so they were worried they had picked up the wrong name.)

I won't say the name here, but it's Biblical, perfectly ordinary, phonetically pronounced and though not used much in this country, is very common in other parts of the English-speaking world. No variants, no alternative spellings.

I gently corrected her near the end of the visit, making a joke of it, but she's still doing it, and i realised on the phone to some relatives in our home country that extended family we don't see regularly are saying it wrong, because of how my mother pronounces it in their company! I don't know myself at this point what the problem is. No one else, from close family to people we meet on the street, has ever had a problem saying it. Some kind of mental block? The fact I don't think she liked the name when we originally announced it?

AIBU to be frustrated that my mother can't/won't pronounce her only grandchild's name correctly? I think it would have upset and confused me as a child to have my grandmother calling me by the wrong name. I would never have called him by his lovely name if I'd known this would be an issue, but it's far too late for that now! Any thoughts?

OP posts:
Montybojangles · 05/06/2013 16:48

If its Thaddeus I believe there are 2 spellings and 2 pronunciations (dependant on spelling), though neither have a silent h, maybe she is just getting mixed up. It's a little like Xavier, easy to upset someone if you pronounce it the way they don't.

As others say, she is probabaly thinking about it sooo much, she cocks it up every time. Just keep reminding her each time. You might get there by the 18th birthday party Grin

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 05/06/2013 16:55

If it were my mum I would tell her every time. A name is too important to pronounce wrong, as long as the person is capable of pronouncing it and doesn't have a speech impediment.

My mum says "'ospidal" instead of "hospital" and that makes me grit my teeth. Far too trivial to say something in that case but I would have to say something about a name

jamdonut · 05/06/2013 17:31

But how do you keep up with the different spellings and emphasis people put in names? Take the name Nicole. Do you say Neecoal,or, Nickcoll ? I know people with both pronunciations. Is it really that bad to say the "wrong" one? Also Sara. I grew up with a girl with that spelling but called "Sair-a". The one I work with is called " Sar-a". What about Ev-alyn and Eve-alyn

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 05/06/2013 17:32

OP

I really appreciate you wanting to keep it private, but it is quite hard to discuss this fully without knowing the name

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 05/06/2013 17:35

Yes. Grin Tell us so we can all say "Oh! Well I'd say that just like your Mum says it!"

ipswitch · 05/06/2013 17:49

I want to know the name too.
Will really help us to help you.

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 05/06/2013 17:51

Apparently I've been saying "theatre" wrong my whole life. And "jewellery"

TheRealFellatio · 05/06/2013 17:54

Are you a thee-et-er person Jamie? Rather that Theer-ter?

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 05/06/2013 17:57

Fellatio

The former. An Essex thang I think. DH thinks I am lower class

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 05/06/2013 17:58

And I say jule -er -ee, not jewel-ree

TheRealFellatio · 05/06/2013 18:01

I can forgive thee-et-er but jule-er-ee is a shooting offence. Grin

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 05/06/2013 18:04

And then I'd end up at the osbidal

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 05/06/2013 18:08

Sorry to hijack, but my DH says "Izegream" instead of icecream. Apparently that makes him classier than me Grin

LindyHemming · 05/06/2013 18:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JulesJules · 05/06/2013 18:16

Shock at "The Real Mummy" with her fake Russian accent, Hairy

What a loon

Newdaynewdawn · 05/06/2013 18:18

My maternal grandfather told my mother that my name was a made up name (it isn't) so he gave me another name (similar but def not the same name). Mum gave up arguing with him over it didn't see it as a battle worth having.

Only time it was an "issue" was when he'd call me and if I was busy I wouldn't respond (as it wouldn't register straight away that was my name!) and granddad would say to my mum that she should teach me some manners and mum would just respond she takes her manners or lack of after you, but if you called her by her own name you make get an instant response! Grin

shinyrobot · 05/06/2013 18:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

coffeeandchoc · 05/06/2013 18:23

My ds2 is called Nathaniel, and my lovely fil just cannot get it right. He pronounces it natalian! (just outed myself there). Ds2 is 2.7 now, but luckily he gets called by a nickname that is pronounceable by everyone.

Montybojangles · 05/06/2013 18:29

Always remember someone telling me about a little girl called Aphrodite, but the little girl (and her mum) pronounced it aff-rod-it-tee. Don't know if it's true or not, but made me chuckle.

MrsSchadenfreude · 05/06/2013 19:18

My gran always used to call me Sandra. And sometimes Christina. The only thing my name has in common with either of these names is that it ends in an "A"! Oh and it has an "N" in it too!

UndineSpragg · 05/06/2013 19:49

I know, I know, I hate these threads too where people won't say the name, but I don't want to out myself, otherwise I would. No one guessed it, but it is more along the lines of Bartholomew rather than, say, Ezekiel. The thing that rankles is that we thought we were choosing a straightforward name, pronounced as written, no silent letters, variant spellings etc. And it has been that straightforward with everyone else! Grr.

We should have just called him Bob.

OP posts:
AuroraAlfresco · 05/06/2013 19:52

Euphemia my gran used to do the same: "shree" for three. She was Scottish too but I think it was actually a false teeth thing with her - could your MIL be the same? Her dentures just wouldn't let her say "thr" ...

foreverondiet · 05/06/2013 19:55

I bet she is not doing it on purpose - I pronounce my dc's names differently to their teachers and DH as I have distinct accent. They answer to either version. But if it annoys you say something - but she probably won't remember. Tbh I struggle with Nathaniel as I know one who pronounces it Nat-tan-el and another Na - than - yell so I get confused...

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 05/06/2013 19:55

Ebeneezer.

UndineSpragg · 05/06/2013 19:59

I quite like that. Apart from that Shamen song...

OP posts: