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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

... To be cross that my mother mispronounces DS's name?

116 replies

UndineSpragg · 05/06/2013 11:40

This is a combination AIBU and WWYD on something that is fairly trivial on the face of it, but makes me a bit cross and sad. (Though actually I can't see what can be done.)

My DS is almost 15 months old. We live in a different country to my parents, but visit frequently and talk most days on Skype, so they can see DS, who is their only grandchild. All involved have English as a first language. They have just been visiting us, and it was generally lovely. BUT I realised that, 15 months on, my mother still continually mispronounces DS's name. I knew she mispronounced it right at the beginning, when he was born, but DH and I told her (gently!) how to say it, and I thought it was resolved months back.

But now I realise it was only masked by the fact she usually calls him by a short form of his name most of the time. Which is fine, obviously, though everyone else calls him his full name, but when she talks to other people about him and uses his full name, she says it completely wrong. To the point where people don't recognise it.

It's not just a single error, but THREE, for heaven's sake. Difficult to explain without saying the name, but she pronounces a 'th' as 't', switches one vowel sound for another, and puts the emphasis on the wrong syllable. I only realised it was still going on when two people I know slightly from the park and who had met my parents out with DS while they were visiting, mentioned it yesterday, and were clearly worrying they had been calling DS the wrong name all along. (We are newly moved here so they were worried they had picked up the wrong name.)

I won't say the name here, but it's Biblical, perfectly ordinary, phonetically pronounced and though not used much in this country, is very common in other parts of the English-speaking world. No variants, no alternative spellings.

I gently corrected her near the end of the visit, making a joke of it, but she's still doing it, and i realised on the phone to some relatives in our home country that extended family we don't see regularly are saying it wrong, because of how my mother pronounces it in their company! I don't know myself at this point what the problem is. No one else, from close family to people we meet on the street, has ever had a problem saying it. Some kind of mental block? The fact I don't think she liked the name when we originally announced it?

AIBU to be frustrated that my mother can't/won't pronounce her only grandchild's name correctly? I think it would have upset and confused me as a child to have my grandmother calling me by the wrong name. I would never have called him by his lovely name if I'd known this would be an issue, but it's far too late for that now! Any thoughts?

OP posts:
EldritchCleavage · 05/06/2013 13:35

The mental block thing can happen. My mother mispronounces the name of a friend of mine. She's only been my friend for 25 years, after all. But it is weird given how often I have corrected my mother that she is still doing it.

I say NAY-omi rather than Na-OMI, which is now the preferred pronunciation. But when I refer to my colleague's daughter of that name, I make sure always to use the second version, because it is what they use. That's just polite.

gail734 · 05/06/2013 13:45

ArtemisatBrauron OMG, that is amazingly, outrageously crazy! Reminds me of the time I saw an (admittedly drunken) bridesmaid reach out and dig her fingers into the pristine fondant icing on a wedding cake, eating a big gobful before the bride and groom had cut the cake!
Where do these mentalists get the idea that just because they don't like something, it cannot be allowed?

mixedmamameansbusiness · 05/06/2013 13:53

My mum has called me a different name my whole life, consequently so do the people I went to school with and all mums family.

She only ever refers to me by my actual name when we are in my dads home country talking to other people who know me by my name.

When I was about 17 I started using my actual name properly because people would try to say it and I would correct to mums version even though their attempts were right, it was bizarre.

It never bothered me as such, I just didn't understand why they agreed on this name if she couldn't say it.

I also had to call her constantly with names for DC as most she couldn't do, she called to confirm DS3 name and asked if it was Iraq?!?

MustTidyUpMustTidyUp · 05/06/2013 13:56

Not much useful advice from me as I don't really know how to pronounce my own name Grin. There are at least 3 ways and I never know which one to use when people ask. Odd I suppose but doesn't bother me a jot.

UniqueAndAmazing · 05/06/2013 14:06

this is it - I know a little boy whose name is pronounced the southern way (long a sound instead of short), and although it feels very weird to me when I say it that way, that's how it's was pronounced to me when I first met him, so that's how I pronounce it.

it's called manners.

ThreeDaughtersLoveSandwiches · 05/06/2013 14:11

We were thinking of naming DD3 Thalia but exMIL kept pronouncing it italia it really put me off so we went for Niamh in the end, which she can say but spells something like Niamph

somewherewest · 05/06/2013 14:16

Sorry if this has been covered, but are you 100% sure it isn't an accent thing she just struggles to overcome. I know people IRL for example who would do the Matthew/Mat-choo thing too. Its just their accent.

When I was a child I thought 'Larns' (pronounced to rhyme with 'barns') was actually a name, because that's what my great uncle was always called within our family. It was only when I saw his name written down in my early teens that I realised he was actually 'Lawrence', just mangled out of recognition by some very strong West of Ireland accents. DH thinks this is hilarious Grin.

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 05/06/2013 14:24

Unique is it Alexander? On Peppa Pig, Peppa calls baby Alexander "Alex-aarn-der" whilst his Mum calls him "AlexAnder" in the Northern style. I alwasy think Peppa should follow suit!!

DorothyMantooth · 05/06/2013 14:27

Is your DP from a different culture? My DD has a name which is perfectly normal and pronouncable in English, but we spell it in a version used in DH's country of origin. In the beginning my DM (who isn't good with sounds/accents to begin with) bent herself backwards trying to pronounce DD's name in a way she assumed it is pronounced in DH's home country, when in fact it is pronounced exactly how it is pronounced in English - as if she was pronouncing Isabella as Isabell-ya. I didn't take offence as I knew she was just trying to pronounce her name 'correctly' according to DP's language instead of imposing the English version. That said, she does use the correct pronunciation since I corrected her.

My grandfather has called me a slightly different version of my name my whole life, as he had a beloved aunt by that name. As a child I used to correct him but he stuck to his guns and now my furious corrections are a source of much humour in the family. I love that my grandad calls me something different to everyone else - it's part of our special relationship.

UndineSpragg · 05/06/2013 14:28

A lot of people in our region don't pronounce 'th' (it becomes 't'), and I'd understand if it was just that, but my mother pronounces 'th' in every other word, just not DS's name! Plus it doesn't explain the weird emphases and one completely wrong vowel sound.

Gail, I'm not saying! I still love the name, apart from this issue with DM, and I've seen the crazed bunfights over on the Mn baby names forum, where everything is ripped apart as either 'chavvy' or 'try hard'!

OP posts:
UndineSpragg · 05/06/2013 14:32

Dorothy, no, DH is from the same part of the same city as DM and I are! We all have the same basic accent. Though would agree that my mother, like yours, isn't good with words, and generally unfamiliar things alarm her.

OP posts:
diddl · 05/06/2013 14:39

If she's capable of saying it properly, then I think it's really rude of her not to tbh.

It's a name that OP & her husband have chosen for their child, & child's GM won't(?) say it properly.

Why would that be?

phantomnamechanger · 05/06/2013 14:41

is it Jonathan/thon

lots of people mix up the than/thon and if she is also saying tan/ton I can see why its annoying.and emphasising the last instead of the first syllable?

speech impediments and strong accents excepted, it's bad form to carry on doing this when you know the person well and have been reminded loads of times!

as for a granny wanting to be called "the real mummy" WTF?! we have had them on here wanting to be also known as mummy but the REAL mummy [nutters!]

UniqueAndAmazing · 05/06/2013 14:42

Neo - i suppose it was quite obvious wasn't it Grin

phantomnamechanger · 05/06/2013 14:44

or bartholomew - loads of possible errors with that one

said as "Bar THOLom you" IMO

but if she called him Bart and then BART olomew

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 05/06/2013 14:45

These threads annoy me. OPs never want to reveal the name....

phantomnamechanger · 05/06/2013 14:48

ditto Neo - need to know so we can take sides and tell the Op if she is BU or not LOL

itsblackoveryonderhill · 05/06/2013 15:45

My DH's family call my DD by a different name. Her name is an alteration of my middle name (not that they know my middle name), but they call her by my middle name.

They did also seem to think that her name was double barrelled, until I clearly told them that she has a first name and a middle name and they are not said together as it were.

They stopped calling her by the double barrelled name, but some of the family do still continue to call her by my middle name, which gets on my goat, but DD just kind of accepts it.

I'd just clearly tell your DM how to say his name properly, get her practice it infront you and then just forget about it.

BeeMom · 05/06/2013 15:48

My XMiL refuses to call DS by his name - she uses his first and middle initials, instead.

This would not bother me so much aside from 2 things... 1) his name and the initials she uses sound very similar, and 2) he was named after XMiL's father!!!

She is an irritable, judgemental cow anyway, but this one really set me off...

Stropzilla · 05/06/2013 16:01

I have an utterly bizarre name which I love, but very few people pronounce correctly without being told how. Mostly I don't bother, sometimes if I'm feeling picky I do. My grandad has never got the hang of it and seems to feel he's too old to change! I even had a birthday card from him with nothing at all written inside! Bugs the hell out of my mum as it does with you. I'm just amused.

DaveMccave · 05/06/2013 16:12

I used to mispronounce a 4 year old friend of dd's name. I have several not very close friends all with similar names with different pronunciations. Alessia, Aleisha, Alicia, Ailsa etc so I've often struggled with remembering which one is which. My dd's friend is Aleesa, and after pronouncing it wrong when round for tea once she shouted 'MY NAME IS ALEESA'. I never got it wrong again once I realised it was upsetting her.

If she can't get it right now, rest assured your ds will probably set her straight when he is old enough.

phantomnamechanger · 05/06/2013 16:16

biblical name....not common....has a th in it - bingo - it's Methusala?

TheRealFellatio · 05/06/2013 16:16

This would drive me NUTS. I'd try to broach it casually and as politely as possible but if she refused to take the hint and make a concerted effort to get it right I'd end up getting totally exasperated and shouting 'FFS Mother! Listen!'

EagleRiderDirk · 05/06/2013 16:32

I never had my name mispronounced, nor does my family misprounce my dcs - but some of my family still, nearly 34y later, cannot spell my name. Its not like my name can even be shortened, so theres never been an alternative name. I find it really disrespectful. Especially from my grandparents.

ihearttc · 05/06/2013 16:32

To whichever poster said her son's name is Joseph and it gets pronounced wrong...mine does too and it drives me nuts!

All DH's family call him Jo-Sif rather than Jo-Sef...they aren't even doing it deliberately its just thats how they say it! Ive taken to calling him Joe all the time causes its easier that way!