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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think people ought to learn to use cutlery properly

96 replies

snooter · 02/06/2013 19:28

I'm not talking about the left-handed using it the "wrong" way round, or even the way some people hold a knife like a pen rather than, well, a knife.

I've noticed more & more young people, teenagers mainly, using cutlery in frankly bizarre ways such as clasping the fork vertically in a fist & scraping off chunks of food that is pinned by the knife. Usually while leaning sideways onto an elbow at the same time. I notice them in restaurants mostly, as I'm not going round spying through windows, & can only assume they eat with their fingers at home.

OP posts:

Buddhagirl · 02/06/2013 19:58

Yabu. I don't see what the big deal is. You sound like a snob.

pinkballetflats · 02/06/2013 20:01

They're not hurting anyone? Them using their cutlery differently to you isn't damaging anything? No food flying off the table and into other diner's laps? YABU.

It may seem bizzare to you, but it doesn't mean it's wrong...unless we're going to move back to the Victorian era.

Original poster

snooter · 02/06/2013 20:01

I'm not a snob, even if you think I sound like one. I think manners important & include cutlery use in that.

OP posts:

BoundandRebound · 02/06/2013 20:02

I dont think you are being unreasonable. I think parents need to teach how to hold cutlery and appropriate table manners.

It will hold children back as adults if they can't eat appropriately in every setting

thebody · 02/06/2013 20:03

I am left handed and don't consider I eat the 'wrong way round' thanks.

BoundandRebound · 02/06/2013 20:03

We actually have to teach secondary school children how to use cutlery and sit at a table to eat.

Sparrowlegs248 · 02/06/2013 20:10

YANBU. It infuriates me tha dh uses his cutlery the wrong way round. He's not left handed, and i actually don't care which hand he holds the knife and fork in, but he doesn't pin the piece of meat with his firk, then slice it with his knife. No, he tries to just tear it apart with actually using the knifes sharp edge. And says 'this meat is tough isn't it?' no, you are just not cutting it properly!! We don't have kids yet, but i forsee a battle about this in the future (daddy doesn't do it like that....)

Sparrowlegs248 · 02/06/2013 20:11

without using the sharp edge....

ifancyashandy · 02/06/2013 20:11

OP said she wasn't commenting about left handed etc people.

And I agree with you OP but I'd include those who hold cutlery like pens also.

Original poster

snooter · 02/06/2013 20:13

thebody - that's why I put it in inverted commas. Husband & son are both left-handed & eat the "right" way round apart from soup.

Boundand - agree - it makes an impression

OP posts:

MrsCampbellBlack · 02/06/2013 20:13

I eat the wrong way round - no idea why, my mother spent many years trying to make me hold them the 'right way' but I didn't and now of course can't.

But I do use them appropriately.

I don't get the pen thing either and have often looked round restaurants and they all seem to hold the knife in the same way I do.

As long as people don't talk with food in their mouths or eat with their mouths open, I don't really care.

Am pretty strict on my own dc's table manners though.

ThisWayForCrazy · 02/06/2013 20:13

I use my cutlery the wrong way round, as does my eldest. We are both right handed.

But, that's not the issue in the OP. my eldest and my stepsons ALL tear their meat/food rather than using the knife to saw/cut things. Drives me insane.

squoosh · 02/06/2013 20:13

YANBU

Maybe they're just being teenagers, but people notice when adults can't use cutlery properly.

Original poster

snooter · 02/06/2013 20:14

ifancy - yes - I am actually with you on that but it's a detail compared to some of the Neanderthal styles of eating I've seen recently

OP posts:

ParadiseChick · 02/06/2013 20:17

What is the right way? I'm left handed and can switch several times throughout a meal.

morethanpotatoprints · 02/06/2013 20:18

I think YABU to expect people to take it upon themselves to firstly know they aren't holding their cutlery correctly and secondly to learn how to do it correctly.
I was taught and have likewise taught my dc, my ds1 came round for a meal the other night and i was astounded by his lack of etiquette and table manners. The good standards seem to have left him now he's almost left home.
I think perhaps I am a bit of a pen holder, I'm not sure really.
In the scheme of things its not that important and i'd much rather have the company of ds1 albeit, with terrible table manners, than him be somewhere else holding his cutlery correctly. DD 9 pointed out his shortcomings, it was quite

Gorrillerof3b · 02/06/2013 20:19

The point of table manners is to eat without causing the people round you to get your food dropped on them / have to look at what you are chewing / get your elbow in their ribs etc. It's about having respect for the people you are eating with, not snobbery about which way up you put your fork. if you're flicking food about, it's a bit yak for the person who gets it flicked onto their plate or has to clean it off the floor afterwards.

Gooseysgirl · 02/06/2013 20:20

I'm not a snob either Snooter and I am totally with you on this...

HollyBerryBush · 02/06/2013 20:22

I've told this before. School Prom. Meal was steak and chips. The staff had to run round cutting up 16yo pupils steaks into bite sized chunks because they are only fed stabbable finger foods (eg nuggets), soft food (eg) lasagne, finger foods (eg burgers).

Really it's a disgrace.

squoosh · 02/06/2013 20:23

Cutting up food for 16 year olds??

Fucking hell!

MrsMcEnroe · 02/06/2013 20:24

" I dont think you are being unreasonable. I think parents need to teach how to hold cutlery and appropriate table manners.

It will hold children back as adults if they can't eat appropriately in every setting"

I would love it if my DS were able to hold cutlery "properly" and we show him how to do it every single bloody day but thanks to his dyslexia and motor issues, he can't. At the age of 9, he either uses his fingers or impales a huge chunk of food on his fork and nibbles bits off it. I hate this and I am well aware that people like you lot will judge him as being rude / having bad table manners when in fact he has special needs which are not apparent until his fine motor skills (or lack thereof) are on display.

Sometimes there are good reasons for bad table manners, that's all I'm saying!

Birdsgottafly · 02/06/2013 20:25

Hold them back?

I have never had a job interview at a restaurant.

I wouldn't want people to get jobs based on how they eat. I want people judged on how well they are at their job and if they are qualified.

It very bad manners to take that much notice of how others use their cutlery. In an informal setting, as long as there is no chewing with your mouth open etc, cutlery holding can be ignored.

MrsMcEnroe · 02/06/2013 20:25

Dyspraxia. DS has dyspraxia, not dyslexia. It's been a long day.

PoppyAmex · 02/06/2013 20:25

"Manners are the grease that lubricates society"

Ain't that the truth.

Manners are an important way to demonstrate respect for the people who surrond you and they exist precisely so you don't have to think about how to do things.

HollyBerryBush · 02/06/2013 20:26

I'm not exaggerating. And the pupils are pseudo middle class (really their parents are in monied skilled professions) but they are socially inept, despite lots of money spent on extra curricular activities.

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