To think this has been done on purpose to copy and annoy me?

[ariane5]

I got married last year. We have 4 dcs and very little money so had a cheap registry office wedding, no reception just some food/drink at our house afterwards.

Cake was cheapest m+s one, dcs bridesmaid/pageboy outfits were cheapest we could get from next, we had no honeymoon and rings were from argos (cheap ones for both of us). Bouquet was made from tescos cream roses and forget me nots from the garden.

A few months before we had booked our wedding for a church we had chosen near where we live (where dcs were baptised and I used to go a lot), had met with the vicar etc and planned a lot of it but we had to postpone/cancel due to my health problems, unexpected pregnancy and lack of money. I was really really sad but we just couldn't have afforded it.
My family all knew about our plans, dsis actually said she was pleased as she does not believe in God and doesn't like churches/would never go to church herself. This has always been her view.

Fast forward to now and dsis will be getting married in the church we had wanted because even though she has admitted "I don't believe in all that but its such a lovely posh church" I am so hurt. She even said that she "probably won't have to worry about the cost" as she thinks if she starts going regularly she will be able to "get the vicar on side and get it for free" as she is disabled (she has epilepsy).

She doesn't believe in God so why a church? Her dp is catholic (church she chose is c of e) and he would have preferred 'his' church he attends but dsis doesn't "like the area" its in.

I really don't think I will be able to go.I will be too upset as my wedding was tbh a bit crap. I love dh but we had NOTHING as couldn't afford it and I'd have loved to have had a bit 'more'.

I'm probably just being jealous but she does a lot to copy me in other aspects of life too and always has and the whole wedding thing is just a bit too much.

AIBU to feel put out like this ?

Your wedding sounds lovely - simple and unpretentious and shared by the people you care for. Certainly not a second best. The important thing was the person you married. If your sis needs to do all those things to feel married, then I would leave her to it and not worry. She won't be any more married that you are!

Honey, you may feel the wedding was crap. But your marriage is great! And that's what matters.

Hissy You sound like you would be a lovely sister. It is horrible isn't it not being the favourite.

I tried for years as a child to compete but dsis could do no wrong. I remember the first time dsis swore (we had a strict no swearing rule) and dm looked shocked but then her face changed and she congratulated dsis for being able to express herself!

I should have given up and accepted it then but I kept trying to compete exhausted by it all now.

We too had a cheap wedding, thats lets say didn't go to plan. My sisters both had really expensive ones and I'm talking at least 7x the price of mine.
Guess which one of us has been married to the same man for nearly 21 years.
Guess which sisters haven't?

If your sister is copying you take it as a compliment, she obviously has no imagination or individual thought if this is the case.
If she is trying to upstage you, being nasty and not just a bit insensitive this is her problem not yours.
My sister who had the most expensive wedding was really horrible to me and she and her dh spent a good few years gloating and telling us how poor we were compared to them. We don't speak now at all, all her own choice. Sometimes your gut feeling of nastiness is correct and there's little you can do about it.

I was always the Alpha Sister, apple of my dad's eye, so the story goes, but now perhaps it was just that Mum wasn't bothered with me.

When I ended up in an abusive relationship, both sis and mum somehow saw me as down, so they moved in to the power space.

My entire life they'd criticised, knocked and allowed dad to pull me to pieces, but the abusive relationship was something they actually courted to keep me where I was. My sis even went a few steps further, as it hadn't been apparent enough that she'd truly crapped all over me.

So when she gleefully told me how she'd deliberately hurt me, Many times, I had no choice but to cut her off.

I AM a good sister. Shame I didn't have one myself.

The only friend I had during my horrific relationship is my new sister, she knows how much I value her, even years on. There isn't anything i'd not do for her.

Can you access counselling? I found it really helped me process the shock, the hurt and the anger I felt at the whole situation.

I think your sister looks up to you, even if she doesn't realize it, or she would not copy you. If it is out of malice, I would not go. I remember your sisters antics, and about your health and having to stay in their home so your kids could be close to a school. Your mother going back to work to get a break from your sister if I recall correctly? I haven't "advanced searched" your user name, so not sure if you are still dependent on being there in the daytime or not, but I know, if I were you, I would distance myself from your sister and mother.
As far as her wedding goes, if I even attended, I would not allow your children or yourself to be a part of the ceremony unless they paid for all out of pocket costs. You can turn down the MOG or BM offer on the grounds of your health, you are not up to organizing and paying for shower, hen night, arranging this and that....I would say I was honoured to be ask but must respectfully decline. You have children with health issues, and can only stretch yourself so far.

*MOH not MOG.

I've seen some very good advice on another thread today that I think fits here.

Plan your life around the family that you have, not the family that you wish you had.

I want desperately to have a proper relationship with her, she is my sister but every time we make progress something happens and I wonder if its worth bothering with her.

It's possible that it's not. Being brought up with someone and sharing genetics does not mean that you are obliged to get on or to see them regularly, if you don't get any enjoyment or benefit out of spending time with them.

To be quite honest, my wedding, paid for by us, was cheap and cheerful as much as we could. It was still a great day. The amount people spend today is obscene.
But I got married in the same church and had the same venue as my sister. She didn't mind and I didn't care because it was reasonabley priced. Your sis sounds very materialistic and shallow. Let them get on with it.

You are happy with DH and kids, let it go.

Why do you think by rolling over and dying to whatever crap she does is going to end up creating a perfect story book sister relationship?
It won't.
Get shot of the pair of them.
Get counselling.

My church wedding was;

Church £550
Verger £10
Organist £50.

Can't see a church waiving all that.

One mil relatives has done this for years, it annoys her but she just gets on with it now.

OP - do you know that Diabetes UK do holidays for children with diabetes and their families? Please get in touch with them xx

Thankyou I will look into that as I did not know.

your sister has been posted about a lot and sounds like a complete manipulative cow