to be utterly fucked off re my family pressuring me to 'beautify' myself?

[ShadowsCollideWithPeople]

One of my sisters is getting married soon. My Mum, Dad, and sisters are obsessed with 'beautifying' me in advance of the wedding. Now, I am a tall, fit size 10. I beat anorexia in my early 20s, so since then have been very much in to healthy eating and exercising. I like to dress well etc. Not good enough for my family though. Every time I see them, they advise me to go on a diet (happy as I am), get highlights (like my hair dark, as it naturally is), and do sunbeds. I am very pale and have moles, so sunbeds would be a ridiculous idea. Told them this. My Mum's response? 'Don't be silly, you will be fine'. Had lunch with my Mum and sister today, spent a whole fecking hour listening to diet plans and sunbed recommendations.

I have spent years working on my self esteem, AIBU to want to tell them to piss off and leave my pasty skinned, dark haired self alone?

YANBU

Seems pretty clear where your past problems with self-esteem came from!

You beat anorexia and they are telling you to go on a diet! They can get to fuck! Sunbeds are obviously a stupid idea and you can do without a shitload of chemicals in your hair too. Do they care nothing for your health?

Tell them to piss off. Piss right off.

Yep, where did you get them self esteem issues OP? . Tell them to do one. You are perfect just the way you are.

YWBVVVU if you didn't tell them to get lost. Congratulations on focusing on your own self esteem. You sound lovely. Their discussion speaks volumes about their own self esteem issues frankly.

What tinbox said! I'm angry on your behalf!!

tell them to shut the fuck up and accept you as you happily are or to piss off out your life, horrible.

I would be very angry at them too.

Maybe they neet brain transplant :)

OP, your family are batshit crazy!

And you have an awesome name!

YA sooooo NBU.

You had anorexia and they're telling you to go on a diet????

Well done for having the fortitude to stand up to them.

Are they always so unsupportive?

Another one here telling your family to poke off. Perhaps suggest that if you are such a nightmare to look at, you'll see them again at the wedding, saving them the pain. Joking!!!

How f'ing insensitive can you get?!?! Come & be in my family - I take as I find. You can be a slob with me if you want. Leg and armpit hair plaited, hair on my head so short I've been mistaken for a bloke twice this week, but clean body and clean clothes!!!

YANBU at all. You sound very well adjusted, complete opposite to how they sound. Well done on beating your demons, it sounds like you are a good role model to other young women who may be suffering from EDs.

Jeez, I spend half my days telling my best friend to get off the sunbed, why anyone thinks hey are a good idea is baffling.

YANBU.

what do they look like? I'm astonished that they think this is OK to say to you after you beat anorexia!

Was having lunch with my Mum and sisters earlier. Younger sister has been doing sun beds. My Mum looked me up and down scathingly and said 'you are so pale, you are almost transparent'. Years of working at feeling good about myself and my Mum can undo it in 30 seconds flat. FFS.

I'd love to be able to describe myself the way you do. They're loons. Towie isn't a style guide.

What ridiculous people. I am pale and have some moles - I would NEVER go on a sunbed. It's risking your health.

You are a size 10 and tall so you must be slim so a diet would be a waste of time anyway. Taking into account you've had anorexia, I can't believe a mother would suggest that.

Tbh, you sound like you are and look a lot classier than them. Better to work with what you have than spend time and money trying to look like something else. What's the point? I have dark hair - yes I could have highlights but they would cost a bomb and probably not look natural as I have very dark eyes and eyebrows. Yes I could spend ages putting fake tan on but what's. The. Point?

They sound like they need to get their own lives to be honest, so obsessed about a wedding that they're even trying to control the guests' appearances. I can't understand why they would even care

YANBU and I love your username! Amazing album.

Tell them if they dont shut the fuck up you will be tweeting or e mailing Everyday Sexism about them and naming and shaming.

My mum is obsessed with looks. I lost ten stone but never got congratulated for it. After i lost that weight she kept saying things like "oh so and so has lost 3 stone"
Err mum ive lost ten of them.

You could tell your GP they are trying to pressurize you into using sunbeds. Just some ideas to throw around next time they start.

YANBU. How rude.

Sunbeds are a no no in this day and age. I thought everyone knew that! Talking about dieting to an ex-anorexic is irresponsible.
If they're that concerned about it they should PAY for a makeover for you on the day, so your natural features are kept and highlighted, not so you look like a katie price clone!
Snow white was dark haired and pastey..... And she's a fairy tale princess!

May I suggest:

I don't want skin cancer or to look ten years older than I am by the time I hit 40.

I have a perfectly healthy BMI and do regular exercise.

Do you ever wonder why I ended up with anorexia and low self esteem?

Do you ever think about anything beyond your/my appearance?

Did you mean to sound so shallow?

To be honest, my Mum has her own issues with food. When I finally started eating around her, she had a problem with that.

Hexagonal, I once met John Frusciante. He was lovely

Pale is beautiful. If it helps I have amazing skin. Pale as a milk bottle but at 47 hardly any wrinkles (get bored & too hot in the sun, can't be arsed to risk sun burn so have never had a tan)

My sister, one year younger, has 'beautified' herself for years, sunbeds, tans, etc.

She now spends a fortune on Botox, chemical peels, snail moisturiser (seriously!)
She went on a full on 'its not fair' rant last time we where out because, despite all her high maintenance regime I have better skin .

I nodded and smiled and sympathised. And kept my smugness to myself. :)

you've got the right idea op,good on you
I abhorr the notion of putting coloured chemical on skin to mimic health
I've never sunbathed.wear SPF daily.refuse to be plucked,primped

Im 40 this month. But have been asked by others why i dont have any wrinkles. I have NEVER used a sunbed or sunbathed and havent worn a swimming costume on a beach since i was a child. I also gave up smoking in my early 30s i smoked for five years and i think giving that up helped too.

Do they know about the anorexia? Hard to believe anyone could be so crass and stupid if so.

Have you told them you're happy looking striking, interesting, natural and healthy and fear following their ideas of 'beauty' might take 20 points off your perceived IQ? (It doesn't seem to have done much for their emotional intelligence!).