to be utterly fucked off re my family pressuring me to 'beautify' myself?

[ShadowsCollideWithPeople]

One of my sisters is getting married soon. My Mum, Dad, and sisters are obsessed with 'beautifying' me in advance of the wedding. Now, I am a tall, fit size 10. I beat anorexia in my early 20s, so since then have been very much in to healthy eating and exercising. I like to dress well etc. Not good enough for my family though. Every time I see them, they advise me to go on a diet (happy as I am), get highlights (like my hair dark, as it naturally is), and do sunbeds. I am very pale and have moles, so sunbeds would be a ridiculous idea. Told them this. My Mum's response? 'Don't be silly, you will be fine'. Had lunch with my Mum and sister today, spent a whole fecking hour listening to diet plans and sunbed recommendations.

I have spent years working on my self esteem, AIBU to want to tell them to piss off and leave my pasty skinned, dark haired self alone?

Fucking hell.

I would go for a tango orange fake tan, a gypsy weddings style dress and a fake tattoo reading'Fuck You' for the next family occasion. Arseholes.

I am a fetching shade of pale blue, by the way. And was very dark before the greys took over.

I was actually pulling a face reading about your vile family OP :( Ignore them, i am sure you are beautiful just as you are - it is a shame that they feel they have to turn themselves into tangerines to look good, but that is there problem, don't let it become yours.

Are they thinking about the photographs? I bet your sister has been moaning about one pale bod in an orange line up. I wonder if you should resign as bridesmaid if they are so shallow as to ask a recovered anorexic to diet. Ask why you were even asked if your appearance horrifies them so much. I am assuming you are a bridesmaid?

Next time you meet take a couple or mirrors with you and hand them over when they start talking about your appearance.

Or just say, I'd rather be beautiful inside than putting down other people's appearances.

And if they worry about photographs, mention photoshop.

Speaking personally, I have never known skin cancer to enhance anybody's looks.

YANBU. Asside from the insensitive remarks about you going on a diet having beat anorexia, I think sunbeds are awful. Not only do they age you drastically and make you look like an old bit of leather before the time you are 40 they are also very dangerous. I had a skin cancer scare in my early 20's despite never having used one, and I never will now either.

I don't understand this fascination some women have with being "tanned" all year around. Nine times out ten they look orange anyway!

Yanbu.

They are being morons. Can't believe they encourage you to diet

Why do family think it's all right to say these things? It's makes me angry. YANBU. It's not 'telling you the truth', it's being a bitch just like if anybody else told you the same thing. Well done for seeing them for what they are, try to never forget that.
I get a minor version of this from Mum and sister, just makes me wonder why I'm not more fucked up. I to am very pale, I do use a small amount of tanning moisturiser briefly in the summer on my legs. But not to try and look like I have a tan, to try and disguise the visible veins (they are not varicose, I'm just that pale!). Personally if anybody tried to photoshop a tan on me I would not be happy, why not add a red nose and clown shoes as well?!

Your mother is a knob.

You sound gorgeous!

Speaking as someone who is trying to get rid of my highlights after 20 years of it, I say DON'T under any circumstances highlight your hair!

I yearn to be a natural beauty like you!

I can't believe how insensitive your mum is! As a fellow ana-survivor the LAST thing I'd want anyone to discuss with me is going on a diet, and I know this is the same for most of us. Stay strong and don't let this be a trigger.

Ignore the stupid twunts, they're probably jealous of how you look and are subtly trying to make you more 'like them' - they clearly make a lot of effort with their looks and perhaps resent that you don't have to.

There was thread yesterday started by ScarletLady she has amazing hair, you could ask her to do yours like that,(on her profile) and stick two fingers up at the lot of them.

You have done amazingly to retain a relationship with your family, it all them, not you, they are twonks, hopefully one day they will realise how out of order they have been, and will apologise, print out this thread, and keep it to give to them when they do.

Your mum is right, you are being silly.

SILLY FOR LISTENING TO THEM BOTH!!!!!

The bloody idiots. No offence, I know they're your family but who needs enemies when family can be so damaging.

telling anyone to go on a diet is grossly insulting. Telling an ex-anorexic to go on a diet is UNBELIEVABLE. (Especially someone whose weight is fine)

sunbeds are for stupid fools. You are clearly very far from a stupid fool. Unfortunately you seem to be related to some.

This has made me so, so angry.

YANBU!

Just let their "recommendations" sail past you and don't take them in.

You beat an ED and they are putting this shit on you? Fucking hell

I wouldn't just be telling them to sod off for what they're saying. I'd be telling them to fuck off out of your life.

Ah yes, it's sometimes clear to see where us ex-anorexics get it all from, isn't it? As a friend said to me, after meeting my mother: "Devora, you EARNED your eating disorder".

I was anorexic on and off for twenty years. There is nothing, absolutely nothing, I don't know about losing weight. Counting calories was my life's work for longer than I care to remember (and what a feckin waste of a life that was). Yet I still get my stepmother, last weekend, lecturing me for 40 minutes about how I could shift a few pounds, offering me diet tips. (Diet tips! I could write the book.) My mother occasionally reminisces on my so-thin-my-major-organs-were-at-imminent-risk-of-packing-up stage, suggesting if I could get just a LITTLE bit of that back, nothing too extreme, that would be ideal.

Keep strong, OP! You sound fabulous.

Apologies, Folks. Was on 12 hour night shifts, so haven't been back to this thread. Devora, we could be sisters. I was the go to girl on dieting in a previous workplace. I knew the calories and fat in everything, then lived on pineapple and green apples for breakfast, lunch, and diner.

I was sent home from my Mum's the other day with several bottles of Head and Shoulders, as it will strip the dark colour out of my hair. Also with an order to build up my contact lens wearing tolerance, as I have not worn them in years and must wear them on the day of the wedding, as my glasses would clearly render me hideous.

This, on top of repeated mentions to diets and recommendations various diets are making me waver and want to live on cup a soups and fruit for the next month. I won't though. Or at least, I'll try really hard not to.

Can I tell them to fuck off for you, please? I'd love to. I really think you should return the Head and Shoulders and explain that you got your hair colour and complexion, plus an eating disorder, from your parents. Tell them it's a thing called biology, when two people have a child each one contributes their DNA and this is where the resultant children get their hair, skin and eye colouring from. I really would talk to them as if explaining to a young child.

Please don't let them push you back into under eating, go to your GP if you the pressure is too much and don't feel obliged to attend the wedding unless you really want to. And wear your glasses if you do attend.

Please can I tell them to fuck off on your behalf?

Since when does Head and Shoulders strip color from hair?

Anyway. Tell them to get to fuck! I'm sure you're naturally pretty. The best kind!

I don't think it does CheerfulYank sounds like one of many dillusions held by the OP's family.

Dillusions, or delusions? I need to sleep

Op and devora I think you both sound amazing, and strong to have kept up your rel with families with the things they come out with. I'm overweight and can't cope with the comments from 'dm'... Bizarrely she was like that when I wasn't over weight too.