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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to be surprized and wonder if it's cultural?

81 replies

loopyluna · 01/06/2013 13:56

Just dropped 7 year old DD at a party and am a bit shocked. The inviter is a lovely little girl who does gymnastics with DD. They've been in the same group since September and get on really well. DD also knows her 8 year old sister and one other gym friend but noone else.

Background :We live in a small, predominantly white, middle class village about 20 minutes away from the town where the birthday girl lives. The town is very multiculural and very poor. We haven't been to her house before and I only know her mum to say hi to at gym, however she is always really pleasant and friendly and both her daughters are lovely so, no qualms about leaving DD with them for an afternoon (party at their house.)

Anyway, the reason I'm shocked is that I just took DD over and the friend, her sister and even the mum, were dressed in the most exquisite, white, sticky out party dresses. They had professional looking make up on and intricate hairstyles with extensions! (Except mum who always has her head covered.)

DD was in jeans and trainers!

I commented on how beautiful they looked, checked mum had my mobile number and kissed DD goodbye. On the way back to the car, I saw another invitee arrive and she was also wearing a similar frilly white dress!

I have 3 DC so have been to plenty birthday bashes over the years and have never seen this kind of outfit! I used to encourage DD to wear a dress for a party but she's recently decided that dresses are no fun for playing in and prefers a pretty top and jeans. I'm now worried that she's feeling really awkward and embarrassed if she's the only one like that?!

I think the family are muslim, (purely based on the mum's head scarf) and they are black. The other little guest I saw was fair haired though so is it more a town thing than a cultural thing?

AIBU to be bothered at all? I'm just really surprized and hope DD isn't bothered and is having fun!

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 01/06/2013 14:00

bizarre post.. Confused

loopyluna · 01/06/2013 14:01

Really? Why?!

OP posts:
50ShadesOfGreggs · 01/06/2013 14:02

I am sure your DD isn't bothered in the slightest and having a great time!

:)

frosty21 · 01/06/2013 14:02

What's a sticky out dress?

50ShadesOfGreggs · 01/06/2013 14:02

I don't think this is a bizarre post btw.

wannabedomesticgoddess · 01/06/2013 14:03

I would wonder too tbh.

Rainbowinthesky · 01/06/2013 14:04

I lol at your post. I live in london and noone would bat an eye lid at this. It makes me thank god I don't live in teh country anymore.

wannabedomesticgoddess · 01/06/2013 14:04

Its not bizarre. Its a genuine question about cultural differences.

loopyluna · 01/06/2013 14:06

Sticky out -a bit like a ballet tutu? Taffeta?
Really pretty dresses but more bridesmaid than birthday party, imo!

OP posts:
cardibach · 01/06/2013 14:06

Raioinbowinthesky what an odd thing to say! OP is just wondering, nit getting all worked up. It is nothing to do with town v country!

LizzieVereker · 01/06/2013 14:06

Sounds like the village gals need a little style update, frock-wise Wink

Only kidding, hope DD is having a good time.

GoblinGranny · 01/06/2013 14:07

The Bengali girls that I know would definitely wear that sort of outfit, but they know that you come from a different background and so wouldn't expect it of you.

HoHoHoNoYouDont · 01/06/2013 14:08

I live in a ethnically diverse area and I have seen something similar only the dresses were colourful rather than white. Quite beautiful really.

loopyluna · 01/06/2013 14:09

Rainbow -that's why I'm asking! I had a feeling it was strange to me because of the community I live in being so conventional!

OP posts:
Gunznroses · 01/06/2013 14:10

i don't think its a bizzare post, more interesting.

Can you describe the 'sticky out' dress a bit more ? also how old was the child turning ? in some cultures particular ages are special birthdays e.g 5, 10yrs and so go to more lengths to celebrate it. The hair do's sound normal for a black family celebrating an occasion.

Rainbowinthesky · 01/06/2013 14:10

Well, small middle class, predominately white villages aren't known for being particularily multi-cultural. I grew up in one so unless they have dramatically changed...
I did though know something about how people lived differently and am genuniely surprised that an adult would be so surprised at seeing a family dressing in a different way to them.

loopyluna · 01/06/2013 14:11

Also a bit miffed as I would have loved to dress DD up like this!
Hope she gets invited next year...

OP posts:
Xmasbaby11 · 01/06/2013 14:12

Yes, probably cultural. That's really lovely they dress up! I don't think it matters what dd is wearing. It's great she's mixing with people who are not exactly the same as her.

Rainbowinthesky · 01/06/2013 14:12

But loopy, I lived in a village like you describe and that's one of the main reasons I couldn't bear to move back there. Surely it can't have been such an amazing sight for you. You must know people outside of your village may be different.
I don't mean my posts to sound nasty and I apologise if they do.

ArbitraryUsername · 01/06/2013 14:13

Just so you know, clothes choice is always in some way 'cultural'. It would be a cultural choice to get you and your children really dressed up for a birthday party, but that doesn't mean that the choice is anything to do with a religious or ethnic culture.

Gunznroses · 01/06/2013 14:14

i see if you already answered my questions further up.I'm not familiar with this at all but can only say perhaps in their culture this is normal wear for a birthday celebration. I don't think they would expect you to dress up similarly but i can understand your daughter perhaps feeling a bit odd though, like she is underdressed, just reassure her when you pick her up that she is dressed okay and that its just their culture.

GoblinGranny · 01/06/2013 14:14

Can't find a picture to show what I mean.
Think full-circle, knee length skirt on the dress, gathered at waist with either tights, leggings or long socks underneath. Embroidery and gold trimming and bling?
Kohl, lipstick and bangles?

Rainbowinthesky · 01/06/2013 14:15

Dd is now 9 and has been to lots of peoples' houses where they dress and eat food etc differently to how we do things in our house. It's never been an issue for her or ds as it's always been this way for them. I am sure your dd will be fine.

loopyluna · 01/06/2013 14:16

Gunz -birthday girl is turning 6. Her sister is 9.
Re the sticky out bit, the nearest thing I can compare the dresses to would be a long ballet tutu, sash around the middle and pearls, sequins, embroidery on the top. All white with white tights and ballet pumps. The other guest had white leggings under though.
They always have gorgeous hair so that part alone wasn't surprising.

OP posts:
loopyluna · 01/06/2013 14:21

Rainbow -I'm perfectly used to seeing people in all manner of outfits every time I go to this town. It doesn't surprise or shock me.
I was utterly taken aback that they were all wearing the same white dresses and wondered why.

I think you have misconstrued my op a little.

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