to be surprized and wonder if it's cultural?

[loopyluna]

Just dropped 7 year old DD at a party and am a bit shocked. The inviter is a lovely little girl who does gymnastics with DD. They've been in the same group since September and get on really well. DD also knows her 8 year old sister and one other gym friend but noone else.

Background :We live in a small, predominantly white, middle class village about 20 minutes away from the town where the birthday girl lives. The town is very multiculural and very poor. We haven't been to her house before and I only know her mum to say hi to at gym, however she is always really pleasant and friendly and both her daughters are lovely so, no qualms about leaving DD with them for an afternoon (party at their house.)

Anyway, the reason I'm shocked is that I just took DD over and the friend, her sister and even the mum, were dressed in the most exquisite, white, sticky out party dresses. They had professional looking make up on and intricate hairstyles with extensions! (Except mum who always has her head covered.)

DD was in jeans and trainers!

I commented on how beautiful they looked, checked mum had my mobile number and kissed DD goodbye. On the way back to the car, I saw another invitee arrive and she was also wearing a similar frilly white dress!

I have 3 DC so have been to plenty birthday bashes over the years and have never seen this kind of outfit! I used to encourage DD to wear a dress for a party but she's recently decided that dresses are no fun for playing in and prefers a pretty top and jeans. I'm now worried that she's feeling really awkward and embarrassed if she's the only one like that?!

I think the family are muslim, (purely based on the mum's head scarf) and they are black. The other little guest I saw was fair haired though so is it more a town thing than a cultural thing?

AIBU to be bothered at all? I'm just really surprized and hope DD isn't bothered and is having fun!

Does it matter if their town is poor? That's irrelevant information, unless you thought that's how poor people dress.

Maybe you could ask the woman at the next gymnastics lesson about their dresses?

YABU to be bothered how your dd is dressed. Different cultures dress differently. Different people dress differently. I'm sure no one batted an eyelid.

Mumsyblouse, of course I said they looked beautiful! They did.
GoblinGranny, yes I think DD might be embarrassed that she is not dressed up. It would be like going to a wedding in jeans! I think she'll probably be fine after the initial surprise though.

OP I don't think anything about your post was intolerant or offensive. However sometimes it can be exclusive/marginalising when a minority trait if found remarkable and talked about as if those people were different, not like 'us' and not reading this thread. The thread title did seem to be leaning slightly that way because the phrase 'it must be cultural' can be used in a pejorative way. I think that's why you were misconstrued but see no harm was meant at all.

I wouldn't have known this about parties either and only your DD can tell you if she's feeling bothered (which she probably isn't). Where I live, everyone is white and DD starts screaming when she sees the (one) black family at church. Mortifying for everyone but nobody's fault.

Not Lancashire, not UK but Europe.
I'm glad I posted as I have had some genuinely interesting replies.

I'm off as have lots to do before collecting DD this evening. Thanks for the all the viewpoints.

Frilly party dresses for a seven year old sounds pretty normal to me (although I would avoid white for a child, they's spill something on it).

Your DD deciding she would prefer to wear jeans and a t-shirt to a party also seems pretty normal.

I think you are overthinking this. I don't think there is anything particularly cultural, town/country, religious or otherwise to it.

Perhaps you accidentally missed the dress code on the invitation?

Something like these maybe?

loopy I'd be worrying about my daughter feeling a bit 'out of the loop' IYSWIM if she had been in DD's shoes but I bet she's having a ball and won't be the only girl who doesn't like dresses anymore.

I don't think it's a strange thread.

Can someone please link to the type of dress OP means?
I think children get to break all kinds of rules, OP, wouldn't worry about different clothes. You weren't told about a dress code in advance, were you. I think chalk this up as one of those many culture class moments (I still get them 21 yrs after moving to the UK).

Only problem is that your DD will want one of those dresses for the next party, so I would save the party host details, so you can enquire where to buy one locally.

According to MN, 11yo DD is a freak for having never attended a princess party. She even once got an invite that said "Come to my Princess party!" and when we got there, DD was nearly the only one in a princess outfit. Virtually every other child was wearing jeans.

culture clasH even.

Why the aggressive posts Fake ?

I agree that the fact the area is poor is irrelevant but not one word that the OP has uttered has been prejudiced.

Sometimes an OP may give irrelevant background, it's hard to judge which info is/ isn't relevant to what's being asked.

I don't think I have ever seen anything like you describe OP. Obviously I have seen little girls in party dresses, but not the whole family, and not the elaborate hairstyles either. I live in a very white area. We do have quite a lot of Polish people here, but otherwise, not really many people from other cultures or nationalities. My children have been interested and curious when they see people who look, dress or speak differently when we go to London.

ItsallisnowaFeegle's link is exactly like the dresses I tried to describe. The first one in particular, though it seemed more surprizing on (v tall) 6 and 9 year olds, than the toddler in the picture.

I think it would also have been helpful if the OP had pointed out that she is not in the UK too... at the beginning.

Why?
There are thousands of situations like in the UK.
It;s why I thought she might be in Lancashire.

DH grew up in a village and expresses surprise at how dressed up people in towns and cities are, especially on occasions like parties. He seems to have spent his entire childhood in wellies. Maybe it's just a coincidence.

I live in the same street as a large mosque.
The children are invariably gorgeously dressed and immaculate. I used to drive past, agog at the sheer gorgeousness, look at my Adidas clad offspring and weep silently

I live in a multi-cultural city. I have worked with many many african and affro-caribbean people. The care they take over ensuring their children are well dressed and immaculate is incomparable to the average white person from any social demoggraphic. So, yes, I do think it's cultural.

I do apologise squeaky. I sometimes forget. I don't think it's hugely relevant to my original concern, but decided to mention it when accused of being "sheltered" and when the word "chav" was thrown at me!

I used to wear party frock/shoes when little. It may be cultural - there are loads of kids clothes shops near us (mainly aimed at arabs) and the kids dresses are just so frilly and gown-ey. Loads of bows and ribbons and sparkly bits. And designer labels, oh the price tags! Prada kids shoes, well over £100. DS would trash them in minutes!

Agree with married. We live in a very white spa town and the only black family lives next door but one to us. They are from Ivory Coast and have four children including twin girls. The children are immaculately and expensively dressed, the identical twins are dressed identically and their hair is intricately braided. There clothes are a riot of colour.

They look amazing and the rest of us locals look like Worzel Gummidge in comparison.

Ah but you can't climb a tree or leap a fence without getting filthy or shredding the layers of petticoats/net/lace. My mum tried, my mum failed.

"Frilly party dresses for a seven year old sounds pretty normal to me (although I would avoid white for a child, they's spill something on it)."

Not where I live it isn't. Most parties for 7 year olds seem to be some kind of activity where a frilly party dress would be very impractical. I think it is lovely that girls still like dressing up though.

We live in a bubble village but I grew up in an area of South London that was very multicultural and I resent some of the comments made on here about how "sheltered" some of us are because of where we live.

The patronising attitude when a genuinely curious question is asked about other cultures is downright rude and unhelpful.

For the record if I dropped DD off at a party and she was the only one wearing jeans I would wonder whether I had done the right thing. I would also wonder if the host might think it rude that DD wasn't dressed up.

Incidentally, we have just come back from holiday where we stayed in a fairly upmarket hotel. We were somewhat overdressed at dinner in the evenings because we had made an effort and most other people hadn't.

What happens when they spill Pepsi down one of them?

Be grateful your girl loves her jeans, OP.

do you mean like an old fashioned party dress OP ? is that what the sticky out means perhaps they are traditional and the girls like to be pretty and girlie and wear pretty party dresses i am sure it is nothing to worry about and I am sure your dd will have a nice time

Synthetic fibres wash well.
I've seen some very happy, sticky children whose mothers seemed very unprecious about their clothes.