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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband's will.

154 replies

Skinnywhippet · 30/05/2013 22:04

Bit of background- we are relatively young couple in our late 20s and recently started discussing wills. We decided to get a free one in May on the final fling website. I'm on the website doing mine and husband announces that he's leaving 10% of his money etc to charity, but not to worry he'll leave his share of our house to me. Cue me feeling a bit upset. I hadn't even considered leaving anything to anyone other than him. Yes, we have a house, but that has a mortgage on it and it would be tight for me to manage the payments plus everything else.

I know I probably am being unreasonable, but I always want to feel like I am everything to my husband and right now I feel a bit displaced. I don't feel I can say anything to him because it is a charity that he wants to leave the money to and me complaining would be unethical. The thing is, although this is just a simple, free will, I want it to last for at least a year and in less than a year we will be TTC. If the unthinkable were to happen when pregnant then I would hate to think that we were struggling because he didn't leave us all of his estate. Oh gosh I really am over sensitive. Help me p,ease but be gentle!

OP posts:
GoingUpInTheWorld · 30/05/2013 22:07

Yanbu

He needs a good talking too

HollyBerryBush · 30/05/2013 22:07

Do make sure its legal - websites aren't renowned for their adherence to the law.

OddBoots · 30/05/2013 22:08

Wills are very personal so I'm sure he has his reasons and 10% doesn't seem excessive but if you don't feel that 90% of the estate would be enough for you to be secure could you look into life insurance?

Original poster
Skinnywhippet · 30/05/2013 22:10

Thank you Holly Berry Bush. final fling is the website and it was mentioned to me by fellow mumsnetter so hope it is ok. Looks reasonable. I think the main thing is having something printed out and signed.

OP posts:
PaperLantern · 30/05/2013 22:11

Work it out. will you really struggle if you don't have that 10%? seriously I doubt it

Personally I have a massive admiration of people you leave bequests to charities (assuming I agree with the charity) so I would say YAB massively unreasonable

PaperLantern · 30/05/2013 22:13

I just read your original post. you still get all the house and 90% of any cash. Personally id say he sound's like a decent bloke

Original poster
Skinnywhippet · 30/05/2013 22:14

I know you are right paper lantern. It's not so much the money, more the feeling, oh I'm not sure, less important to him than he is to me.

OP posts:
chipsandpeas · 30/05/2013 22:16

surely you would have life insurance that would pay out and cover paying off the mortgage
if not then get that sorted asap

suckmabigtoe · 30/05/2013 22:16

I think youre being a but unfair on your dh. I understand you dont want to struggle, but 10% really isnt huge cut and i doubt if he was leaving so little money that you couldnt get by then youre going to need alot more than just that 10% to get yourself back on track.

I think you need to plan for having more than just his money to support you if the worst happens. Get sone good insurance advice and cover both of you.

MooseBeTimeForSpring · 30/05/2013 22:17

Who's to say he has any cash when he dies?

Both DH and I are bequeathing money to various charities and godchildren whilst the balance goes to the other spouse/our son as appropriate.

Salmotrutta · 30/05/2013 22:17

I think that's rubbish OP.

You are being silly.

ImTooHecsyForYourParty · 30/05/2013 22:17

10% isn't an awful lot. And I think that you are lucky. Remember that you are married to a man who is nice enough to want to leave a little something to charity.

It doesn't mean that you only have 90% of his heart Grin it just means that he's a nice bloke. A kind one.

And, hopefully, you will both be very old when this happens and have had a lifetime together.

Contemplating your death is always going to be emotional. But a donation to charity isn't some sort of snub.

Look at that bloke and be happy.. You've got one of the nice ones!

cozietoesie · 30/05/2013 22:17

skinnywhippet

Is your mortgage not covered by a life insurance policy ? And what sort of job/pension scheme is he in? Many jobs have pretty lavish benefits for the estate of a person who dies 'in service'. He could be leaving you 90% of a dirty great lump of money and not putting you in potential debt.

suckmabigtoe · 30/05/2013 22:19

And some people dont place value on money other than in practical terms. So your dh decision to leave 10% to charity isnt any reflection at all on his feelings about you.

mymatemax · 30/05/2013 22:19

well 10% of nothing is nothing, so if you're really skint does it matter?
Maybe he feels he would like to contribute something to wider society.

Dont sweat if you do have kids im sure he will change it & leave it all to them anyway.

yummymumtobe · 30/05/2013 22:21

I agree that it sounds like your partner is a nice guy in that he cares about charities. He sounds a good 'un!

starfishmummy · 30/05/2013 22:21

Just it of interest how do you own the house?
If you are joint owners (as opposed to tenants in common) the house would automatically pass to you anyway.

CSIJanner · 30/05/2013 22:22

I dont think YABU for feeling this way. It's only natural but better to find out now than later.

I think you both need to sit down and talk seriously about what you both wish and would like on the event of one of you passing. You also need to decide on guardians should you have children (TTC next year, right?) and both pass on. And then respect the decisions that each of you have settled on.

Original poster
Skinnywhippet · 30/05/2013 22:23

We don't have a life insurance policy or mortgage cover. We are planning to sort that out when we move house/TTC. He says that he has enough in savings/ investments to cover about half the outstanding mortgage. I know I am being silly. I think you are right though, it would be best to sort the life insurance and not be fussed about who he leaves his hard earned estate to.

He does have a nhs pension but he has only been paying in for about 3 years.

OP posts:
PaperLantern · 30/05/2013 22:24

Skinnywhippet - perhaps he's just more charitably minded.

If he had a direct debit to a charity for £5 a month would you be thinking the same thing? It really doesn't have any relevance to how important you are to him, tbh it feels a little self absorbed to think it does.

maddening · 30/05/2013 22:24

also how are you tenanted (sp? ) on the mortgage? I think it's either tenants in common or joint tenants? One means each person's "half" of the equity reverts to the other in the event of death and the other means that each person's half becomes part of their estate in the event of death of the other.

we have it so if dfiance for example dies then his half belongs to me rather then belonging to his estate (I may have got this all wrong)

WestieMamma · 30/05/2013 22:25

Count your blessings Skinnywhippet. I sent my husband off to see our solicitor to get a will drawn up. His instructions were simple, 50% to me, 50% to my daughter, his stepchild. But I let him go alone, unsupervised. He came back with a will leaving all his personal possessions to various charities and any money and his share of the house to the local dog's home (on the proviso that I got to live in it till I died, as could my daughter but only if she took care of the dog). Hmm

FantasticMax · 30/05/2013 22:25

I wouldn't be bothered about the charity to be honest, sounds like a great idea. I am a bit worried you don't seem to have life assurance for the mortgage? I thought this was a necessity when taking out a mortgage.

BigBongTheory · 30/05/2013 22:26

What about if he dies with no cash? Will the charity be able to claim 10% of his share of the house?

I thiknk he would have to word carefully to ensure this didn't happen.

cozietoesie · 30/05/2013 22:26

I suspect that if he works for the NHS, his estate would get 2 x salary in the event of his death. (Someone else might now.)

Get some insurance right away (you should have it anyway) and then look towards your relationship on a calmer basis.