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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband's will.

154 replies

Skinnywhippet · 30/05/2013 22:04

Bit of background- we are relatively young couple in our late 20s and recently started discussing wills. We decided to get a free one in May on the final fling website. I'm on the website doing mine and husband announces that he's leaving 10% of his money etc to charity, but not to worry he'll leave his share of our house to me. Cue me feeling a bit upset. I hadn't even considered leaving anything to anyone other than him. Yes, we have a house, but that has a mortgage on it and it would be tight for me to manage the payments plus everything else.

I know I probably am being unreasonable, but I always want to feel like I am everything to my husband and right now I feel a bit displaced. I don't feel I can say anything to him because it is a charity that he wants to leave the money to and me complaining would be unethical. The thing is, although this is just a simple, free will, I want it to last for at least a year and in less than a year we will be TTC. If the unthinkable were to happen when pregnant then I would hate to think that we were struggling because he didn't leave us all of his estate. Oh gosh I really am over sensitive. Help me p,ease but be gentle!

OP posts:
cozietoesie · 30/05/2013 22:27

know

Badvoc · 30/05/2013 22:28

You are massively over thinking this.
I have also,left money to charities in my will.
Because it is my estate to with what I wish and has no bearing on my feelings for my dh and dc.

CSIJanner · 30/05/2013 22:28

Westie - has he rewritten it or is he still eating humble pie?

And what happens if the dog dies?

DrGoogleWillSeeYouNow · 30/05/2013 22:29

I thought you had to have life assurance in place in order to get a mortgage?

FantasticMax · 30/05/2013 22:29

Sorry, cross post. Yes, get the life assurance ASAP. I'm sure the NHS must have a death in service payout too. Mine is 4 x ARP and think DH's is the same.

Original poster
Skinnywhippet · 30/05/2013 22:30

WestiemAmma. Blush Take your point.
I am not sure what you would call the house ownership. We bought it together as a married couple and didn't ask the solicitor to do anything different. We pay the mortgage from our joint account and it has both our names on it. I really do need to sort out life insurance but just don't know where to start. Maybe a financial advisor?

OP posts:
Yama · 30/05/2013 22:30

Maybe he see you as able to look after yourself. [I mean this kindly.]

Original poster
Skinnywhippet · 30/05/2013 22:31

I will ring the mortgage company but I do t remember buying any payment protection assurance. I didn't use a financial advisor, just found a good deal online.

OP posts:
specialsubject · 30/05/2013 22:32

the charity will come after their 10%, whatever. Make sure the will is correctly drawn up.

AnneEyhtMeyer · 30/05/2013 22:32

Hmm... having seen what a charity does when left a percentage of someone's estate I would never do it myself.

The charity a relative left a percentage of her estate to were dreadful. Because it was a percentage rather than a fixed sum they insisted that everything went to auction, we were not allowed to keep sentimental items as part of our percentage. We were made to bid for these items at an auction; irreplaceable family keepsakes.

Charities have teams of lawyers to ensure they get the maximum from any bequest, which is understandable, but when you are grieving for a close relative the last thing you want is to be dealing with a bunch of mercenary lawyers who have no regard for the fact that you have just lost a loved one.

specialsubject · 30/05/2013 22:33

see what I mean?

Jinsei · 30/05/2013 22:33

I know you are right paper lantern. It's not so much the money, more the feeling, oh I'm not sure, less important to him than he is to me.

If it isn't about the money, then I'm sorry but yabu. It's not unreasonable for him to want to leave a legacy, and I would respect his wish to do that. You are his wife, and you are naturally a hugely important part of his life, but you cannot - and should not - be "everything" to him, any more than he should be "everything" to you.

If you have concerns about how you'd cope financially, get some good life insurance. And if you love your DH as much as you say you do, try to respect his need to make a difference and learn a bit more about why it is important to him.

mameulah · 30/05/2013 22:34

What charity?

Find out how much the CEO of the charity gets paid and use the information to your benefit. YADNBU

WestieMamma · 30/05/2013 22:34

He was sent back to rewrite it, but I spoke to the solicitor first (he's a friend of ours) and told him not to let the silly bugger sign anything other than the 50:50 plan. The solicitor said he thought it was very strange at the time but put it down to him being a nutty professor (ie on a different planet to the rest of us). :o

Xmasbaby11 · 30/05/2013 22:34

I don't understand - you are upset you 'only' get 90%?

CSIJanner · 30/05/2013 22:35

Given what AnneE has said, maybe it would be better to suggest to him that if he still wants to leave something to charity, that he leaves a lump sum instead.

PaperLantern · 30/05/2013 22:37

not payment protection, that's something entirely different and is very dependent on circumstances as to whether it is worth the cost!!!

what you want if you are worried Life insurance either attached to the mortgage or bought separately to cover the amount of the mortgage

stiffstink · 30/05/2013 22:38

What do you mean when you say "he says" he has enough savings to cover half the mortgage? Do you not know what level of cash he has stashed?

If not, why not? Shouldn't married couples know these things about each other?

He should definitely get life cover too.

fastyspeedyfast · 30/05/2013 22:41

I'm with you, OP. He should leave it all to you, perhaps with a written note that he would like you to donate 10% to charity on his behalf if you feel able to do so. But you dole out the money.

Life insurance... get that sorted!

PaperLantern · 30/05/2013 22:42

re AnneE I should imagine its the importance of stating 10% of cash not estate

bouncysmiley · 30/05/2013 22:42

YABCU Being a decent bloke doesn't mean he loves you any less.

BooksandaCuppa · 30/05/2013 22:42

No, there is never usually a requirement to get life insurance to cover a mortgage (the only usual requirement is buildings insurance - obviously the lender only care that the house can be rebuilt if burned down or similar, they don't actually care if you can pay the mortgage if you die; they'll repossess if necessary. Harsh but true).

But you should get life assurance asap. It's really, really cheap if you are youngish and don't smoke etc with no existing medical conditions. I mean, like a tenner a month. You should always have it. And get level term, not decreasing term (even though it's a tiny bit more). It means that as you pay your mortgage off, your policy will cover more than just the amount of outstanding mortgage. Or if you move upmarket or increase your mortgage at any time, you won't have to change your life insurance policy when you are older and the premiums consequently more expensive.

If you were married when you bought you will almost certainly have a mortgage as joint tenants (as mentioned upthread), so the house is not even in the will, it automatically goes to the other person in the event of death.

Original poster
Skinnywhippet · 30/05/2013 22:43

Stiff stink, he saves about £200 a month and has investment isas. He has more than my piddling £3k in savings so it is harder to know exactly. I don't go riffling through his filing cabinet although if I asked him to work out exactly what he has he would tell me.

OP posts:
Original poster
Skinnywhippet · 30/05/2013 22:44

Mortgage has about 50kish left to go(can't remember exactly ) and he has about half that in cash and investment isas.

OP posts:
Original poster
Skinnywhippet · 30/05/2013 22:45

I am definitely going to suggest the lump sum, so thank you to those who suggested that. It has a it more certainly, and I don't like the idea of having to play games with lawyers when I would be very distressed anyway.

OP posts: