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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband's will.

154 replies

Skinnywhippet · 30/05/2013 22:04

Bit of background- we are relatively young couple in our late 20s and recently started discussing wills. We decided to get a free one in May on the final fling website. I'm on the website doing mine and husband announces that he's leaving 10% of his money etc to charity, but not to worry he'll leave his share of our house to me. Cue me feeling a bit upset. I hadn't even considered leaving anything to anyone other than him. Yes, we have a house, but that has a mortgage on it and it would be tight for me to manage the payments plus everything else.

I know I probably am being unreasonable, but I always want to feel like I am everything to my husband and right now I feel a bit displaced. I don't feel I can say anything to him because it is a charity that he wants to leave the money to and me complaining would be unethical. The thing is, although this is just a simple, free will, I want it to last for at least a year and in less than a year we will be TTC. If the unthinkable were to happen when pregnant then I would hate to think that we were struggling because he didn't leave us all of his estate. Oh gosh I really am over sensitive. Help me p,ease but be gentle!

OP posts:
PaperLantern · 30/05/2013 23:21

yes she would. savings pay off mortgage=> no savings to affect benefit, capital in main home disregarded => claim interest relief on the remaining balance. worse case scenario still affordable

Inertia · 30/05/2013 23:21

Yanbu. In our marriage the money is our money, not mine and his. We have had wills drawn up in a way that provides for the children and remaining spouse, with trusts so that the children are provided for even if the survivor remarries.

You need to see a solicitor to get correctly drawn up wills.

The solicitor can provide for future children by allowing for all issue in the will. Please get a proper professional will drawn up.

If your dh wants to give to charity, surely a better bet would be to do it now as an ongoing direct debit, so that they can also claim the gift aid ? Or is he not so keen to give to charity if he thinks he will be the one missing out ?

Bobyan · 30/05/2013 23:23

You sound mildly hysterical, your worried about the content of his will. Which you picked up online.

You have a mortgage, which you picked up online.
You don't have any life insurance, so you want a financial advisor? Maybe you should start doing things properly, like getting a solicitor to write your wills and finding out what mortgage cover you actually have before getting upset about 10%.
And as for not knowing your family finances...

Inertia · 30/05/2013 23:24

And get life assurance, and seriously consider critical illness cover. Plus look at overpaying your mortgage ahead of savings.

LondonJax · 30/05/2013 23:24

Get those life assurances sorted out asap, especially if you're going to be TTC soon. It's all very well only having half the mortgage to find, but what if you're a SAHM and something happens to DH? Or same situation but you die? If the mortgage is paid off you won't have to find a job and childcare immediately whilst having the stress of losing your husband and if you go first, he won't have to find extra cash for childcare.

And, as someone already mentioned, make sure your wills includes who you want to look after your kids if you both die before they reach eighteen. You should also appoint at least one trustee, preferably someone separate to the guardian, who will make sure your estate is handled properly so that the guardian gets enough cash to keep your children in the way you wanted (like university, private school - if that's your want for your child, etc) whilst keeping as much as possible for the children to inherit at 18.

We've also taken our wills to the next level and stated what we want to happen if all three of us die at the same time. Apparently if you, DH and kids all die at once and it can't be proved who died first, the estate goes to the youngest adults family if you've not stated otherwise. So, in our case, my siblings would get the lot if I, DH and DS died in an accident. So we've stated equal shares between both our siblings or their kids if they are dead by then.

As for your question about the charity bequest, whether your DH keeps that in or not, you shouldn't (as you put it) feel you can't complain as it's a charity and it would be unethical. When your children are born your first thought has to be for them and if it's worrying you then you need to discuss it - charity or not.

Triumphoveradversity · 30/05/2013 23:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fastyspeedyfast · 30/05/2013 23:25

I think the divorce thing is a red herring here. I'm sure if they divorce the OP will fight her corner. But while they're married, they should figure out how to handle money in their relationship. Might even prevent a divorce, who knows.

And, yeah, insurance. Do that.

PaperLantern · 30/05/2013 23:26

not sulking about his generous nature in wanting to leave a small donation to charity.

^That at twenty

I don't know many people that only have a mortgage of £50 let alone £25 on a house

Insurance is just a pay out to cover the balance of the mortgage. Most of that is covered anyway.

seriously someone in the relationship is financially astute or delusional. I'd want to check he wasn't delusional, otherwise he seems is a pretty decent sensible guy

PaperLantern · 30/05/2013 23:28

[blush the 50 and 25 should both have a k after

QuintessentialOldDear · 30/05/2013 23:31

"He couldn't remember the charity when I asked" - So not really a charity he cares deeply about then? Hmm

formica5 · 30/05/2013 23:34

tell him that you have left all your money/house to him as you expect he will be struggling financially if you die and and ends up taking sole care of two or three kids. Tell him you would worry about money what with having such a large mortgage and kids

marriedinwhiteagain · 30/05/2013 23:34

YaBu not to have insurance to cover the outstanding mortgage - if either of you die. YABU to think of writing a will on a free website. You need a solicitor for the will and some independent financial advice for the money side.

VikkiiKawaii · 30/05/2013 23:36

Tell your husband to be REALLY careful about leaving money to charity. I've heard of several cases where the charity has attempted to take all of the deceased's possessions.

Examples Here, Here and Here

PaperLantern · 30/05/2013 23:38

GAH!!!! she hasn't got a large mortgage in the first place even if they do nothing!!!

Inertia · 30/05/2013 23:42

So could the charity force the house to be sold in order to claim their 10 per cent if cash savings werevinsufficient ?

PaperLantern · 30/05/2013 23:43

Hmmm.... reading other's post my biggest problem would be not getting sols to draw up the will not the donation to charity or life insurance

PaperLantern · 30/05/2013 23:45

no the cases above are where there is a problem with the bequest. the first where a percentage of the house was being donated, the second where inheritance tax implications hadn't be taken into account (possibly due to the value of the house when the will was drawn up)

Original poster
Skinnywhippet · 30/05/2013 23:49

Charities: medicine sans frontiers, cafod, aid to the church in need.

OP posts:
Original poster
Skinnywhippet · 30/05/2013 23:56

Anyway, we've decided that this will be a temporary will until next year when we will get one drawn up by solicitors. DH is removing the charity bit, to prevent complications, and will set up an additional direct debit to charity of his choosing. This way, the will should reflect what would happen if either of us were to die intestate eg everything pass to spouse, but by having a will make the process smoother in an awful event. Btw the website was recommended on mumsnet - final fling. It usually costs £50 for one of their wills but they have a special offer for a free will in May hence why we started thinking about the whole thing. Sad eh!

We also discussed mortgage protection, but decided as the mortgage isn't too large at the moment ( will find out exact amount by phoning company tomorrow) we will wait until we TTC or move house. We are also leaving life insurance till then as well as feel that either of us could cope at the moment as we don't have children to think about.

Thank you so much for all the advice.

OP posts:
kickassangel · 30/05/2013 23:57

How did you get a mortgage without life insurance? I have never come across a company that would do that. If you have a repayment mortgage, it's called decreasing term insurance. In the event of your death it pays off the mortgage in full.

Check your documents now.

And tell him to find another way to give money to a charity, this sou ds very dodgy. Are you sure it's a proper will, not a website set up to prompt you to give money to charities, that can then swoop in and claim?

ThisIsMummyPig · 31/05/2013 00:03

I might be missing something, but why on earth have you got 25k in savings, and a 50k mortgage? Surely it would be far better financially to reduce the mortgage (say use £20k)?

This is the most useful thread I have ever read. I was intending to leave 10% of my estate to a charity. I think instead I will pay them cash in my lifetime.

PosyNarker · 31/05/2013 00:06

YANBU this would piss me right off to be frank. I'd also suggest a lump sum bequest as some charities are rabid in their pursuit of estates.

Maybe see an IFA? I suspect you'd both benefit from being walked through how best to set things up. It's tricky. We are not much older than you, but have mirror wills. In theory that means if I pop my clogs, DP could bequest everything to his parents with impunity & of course vice versa. We're comfortable with that given our ages and if I'm dead I frankly won't care and the fact both sets of parents are comfortably off.

apostropheuse · 31/05/2013 00:07

The only insurance you need to have to get a mortgage is building insurance. Life insurance is not compulsory.

I have all kinds of insurance, though. I'm a worrier.

Toadinthehole · 31/05/2013 00:17

I find some of the responses here surprising particularly Westiemama's.

This is the situation:

His will.

His estate.

His business.

We don't live in the 1950s any more. Sending one's husband down to the solicitor with "instructions" relating to his own will is overbearing.

DoJo · 31/05/2013 00:47

I would agree that an independent financial adviser is probably your best bet - they can help you sort out that all important life insurance and also a policy which will pay out a regular monthly sum for the upkeep of your child/ren of a sum you specify for a length of time you specify, so in the event of either of you dying the other will have the mortgage paid off and money to live on so they don't need to worry about money at least for a while following their loss.