to be pissed off at fil regarding seatbelts

[mrsyattering]

dc's are picked up on Thursdays from school by pil, I was passing at pick up time today and dc's saw me. They wanted me to give them a kiss goodbye. When I went round to ds' s (4) side of the car his seatbelt was under his arm and round the outside of his high backed booster. So I adjusted it through shoulder guide. Ds started to moan saying grandad lets me wear it the other way fil says yes hes comfier that way I am raging, that they would even consider using it incorrectly

Ah, well you forget that when FIL's kids were little nobody had to wear a seatbelt and we all survived. That's what my parents say, they like to tell me how they transported me as a baby (in a carry cot, on the back seat)

I told them it was a stupid argument, and we now know better.

If you can't trust them to carry them in the car safely , then you'll have to rethink the pick up. There is no compromise on safety.

Does FIL know the implications of wearing a seatbelt that way?

'well grand doesn't seem to be bothered that if you were in an accident and wearing your seatbelt like that, there's a good chance that it would chop you in half (or whatever it does, can't remember specifics but know it's pretty gruesome). Me, I like you all in one piece. I think that you probably would prefer to be all in one piece too: it would hurt lots and lots if something cut you in half. Or even tried to cut you in half. Do you like things that Hirt you lots and lots? No? Me neither. And i dont have enough sticky plaster to stick you back together. Or even Sellotape and we couldn't use glue or papier mâché. That's why we have to wear seat belts, so we don't get chopped in two. Now, who wants ice cream for pudding if they've been good? (or some other distraction technique to change conversation direction, all said in a very jolly manner whilst strapping child in properly...

He is being extremely stupid. I'd put the hard word on him and say that if he can't work a seatbelt he's obviously not reliable enough to do school pick up.

The thing is lots of children didn't survive. Some haven't grown up to have children of their own because their skulls were caved in on windscreens or other people's skulls.

You are well within your rights to put your foot down on this one. Comfort is not more important than safety in a car.

they know my feeling on car seats after not letting them collect them once from here when they forgot to put car seats in their car. I will speak to dh as he will be collecting them from there to tonight. Will also have conversation with dc's about seatbelts. He has never once complained about seatbelts bothering him before. I just hope itz a one off and they haven't been doing it like that all along. I did say "well your seatbelt won't work properly if there's an accident. Mummys fixed it now " and distracted with popcorn. Still slightly seething though

my dad drove an estate car and collected kids for youth club at church in the boot - no kidding- in the early - mid- 70's

no way would he do that sort of thing now. but things were different then,

yes, they did the baby in a carry cot thing too - the thought of babies being catapulted out through the windscreen makes me feel ill!

op -if your FIL thinks you are making a fuss and you cant trust him to do it properly when you are not there to check (and plenty of GPs tell the DC "don't tell mummy!" about things like this where they do not agree), then maybe you ought to tell him that as the driver he is liable for a fine if not using the seat/belt in the proper manner. maybe that will work better on him?

or google some stats/pics of child injuries in RTAs

Find some statistics and info and give it to him. He might take it on board more than if he thinks its you being precious.

My parents drive me mad as they're the opposite. They are hyper alert to any danger, want to hold their hands on a swing, catch them at the bottom of the slide etc.

You can't win!

Maybe if he knew that in an accident he is likely to amputate the arm of his beloved DGC he'd think again? I think it's more likely ignorance of what happens than stupidity, I am old enough to be a grandparent but hadn't realised the full implications of wearing a seatbelt that way until I was shown some road safety footage. Seat belts weren't compulsory when I first learned to drive and I am sure I am not alone in my ignorance.

(I have to say though that I never allowed my kids to do that with their seatbelts as it felt wrong, I just didn't know why it was wrong iyswim)

My ILs offered us DHs carry cot for using in the back of the car to put DS in when he was born.

Good luck getting through to him.

Back in the day there were less cars so that argument about the old days is immediately blown out of the water.
What an utter idiot.

Oh yes, all cramming into the boot of an estate car with the seats down. Me & db named a toy car we had after the driver who did that!

But yes, now the law has changed ^ that's that - it's not optional!

I wouldn't trust him with your child's safety as I don't think he'll change his ways going on what he has already said.
You have to decide whats most important to you. Getting him collected by FIL and risking him being badly hurt if there is an accident or making other arrangements

My PIL drive me mad with their attitude to car seat / seat belt safety. MIL washed the cover of their car seat and when she put it back on all the straps were twisted, so that in the event of an accident they would have acted like ropes, cutting into DD and bruising her, rather than spreading out the impact as they would if they were flat. I pointed this out as I sorted it out but they took offence, saying things like "we do look after her, you know!" I have also in the past sent FIL back to get the car seat when he forgot it.

I've also heard the "we drove around with them in a carrycot on the back seat thing" from other people. I normally say "and did you have an accident whilst travelling like that? No? What do you think the effect would have been if you had?"

My boys are now 40 and 38 years old. We didn't use seat belts and they would rattle around on the back seat as I drove. It was not a problem.

I now have two small grandsons and would no more take them in a car without car seats than I would chop off my arm.

Live and learn...live and learn.

My mum always says she is horrified by how naieve they were regarding car seats, and always jokes that the carry cot was strapped ihto the car, but we weren't strapped into the carry cot!
My dad has sat ds1 on a couple of cushions before, he reckons they raise him up.the same as a booster seat.
My friend always let's her dds put the seatbelts under their arms, when I've put her in the car (when I was with my ex) I refused and told her if she didn't wear it properly she couldn't come with us.
My award for stupidest car behaviour goes to my ex, who took the dc in his work van. It has a bench seat across the front, and one of these seats has no.seatbelt! He put 15kg ds2 (6) in that seat, and said he'd be fine. I was livid, and refused to let him pick them up in it the next week.

Spoke with ds about car safety and seatbelt s, we made a pinky promise he would wear it properly in grandads car

Hopefully it won't happen again

But what about speaking to your FIL? You're putting your son in an awkward position.

You're expecting a four year-old to tell his GP what to do about the seatbelt?

Good luck with that.

You're the grown-up (and so is your DH). Tell your FiL there is no negotiation, it is the law and your rule that it is worn properly.
Or you will make other arrangements.

But 4 year olds need reminding , often, otherwise they will conveniently lapse. You need fil/mil onside with this one otherwise you may find them telling your ds it is ok as long as he doesn't tell mum. How old is other dc? What else might they allow which you would disapprove of ?