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AIBU?

To forbid second piercing?

87 replies

mamaliv · 30/05/2013 14:13

I can't believe I'm even posting about this as I feel so strongly against it, I just have to share my frustration! DD1, who's 12, has her heart set on getting second piercings on her ears (just behind the regular place, which she had done about a year ago). I think she's absolutely too young, and would prefer her never to get them done, but want her to wait until she's at least 16 before deciding. I know she's a good girl and would never get it done without my permission, but DH is being frustratingly vague and told her it's her decision. It is not her decision!! (or is it...?). It sounds superficial but I know that people do judge on appearances, and second piercings just do not look professional. And she's way too young!

OP posts:

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HollyBerryBush · 30/05/2013 14:17

I did mine my self at 14 with a bar of soap, cork and a darning needle. Quite professional

By 16 I had realised multiple piercings did not fit with the industry I was working in and they were discarded.

Just teenage rebellion and following the crowd, like all teenagers do.

ilovepowerhoop · 30/05/2013 14:18

my niece has hers done 3 times I think and she is 13 now. I had mine done several times too and now rarely wear earrings. I'd probably let her but then I'd let my dd get her ears pierced now if she wanted them done and she is 9. Mine were first done when i was 7.

CloudsAndTrees · 30/05/2013 14:19

At 12, she is very young, personally I think it would look horrible on a child of that age. But whether it looks professional or not is irrelevant, she doesn't have a job! Plus many people think one piercing looks inappropriate on a 12 year old, so I'm not sure a second one makes that much difference.

I would make her wait until 14, or let her do it earlier in exchange for her proving she can be responsible (good school reports/chores without nagging). Making her wait until 16 is extreme IMO, you are practically asking her to rebel.

EndoplasmicReticulum · 30/05/2013 14:20

I had first ones at 11, second ones a bit later and then did some myself too.

I don't think it's necessarily too young, did she take care of the first set OK? Also they will close up again.

I don't think two sets of earrings is "unprofessional" particularly. I have four in each ear, although I do take most of them out for work.

kelda · 30/05/2013 14:20

You can forbid all you like but she may go behind your back anyway.

That's what I did, despite being a very well behaved teenager. I disagred that it was anyone's decision but my own.

BTW, I've never had a problem with working as a professional with two piercings in my ears.

NotaDisneyMum · 30/05/2013 14:21

There are far bigger battles ahead, IMO - if you make this your 'line in the sand' you're in for a rough ride.

What does the school dress code say? If they are banned by the school, then presumably, you and your DH will support the schools position?

In my experience, there's little need for a 12 year old to look 'professional' - when the time comes, she may decide to remove them herself and if not, then she'll soon work out why she's being overlooked for jobs etc.

AmadeusRocks · 30/05/2013 14:22

A second ear piercing is not that bad if she already has her ears pierced once, it's not as if its a nose/lip ring so if I were you I'd probably let her have it as a reward for good behaviour.

FWIW I once new a woman very high up in a top company who had four piercings in each ear.

ephemeralfairy · 30/05/2013 14:22

Why are you worried about her looking 'professional'?? She's 12...!

I could understand more if you were objecting to her having her ears pierced for the first time as 12 is young (I had to wait til I was 14)- but I don't understand why one hole in the flesh is acceptable, but another one right beside it is not.

I have in the past had my nose, eyebrow and lip pierced. I eventually got bored and took them all out but even when I had them in I was never accused of being 'unprofessional'.

Having said that you do need to make sure that you and DH are on the same page when it comes to these things...

musicmadness · 30/05/2013 14:24

I'm another one who did it myself after my parents forbid me from getting another piercing. I did quite a good job

I still have multiple piercings though I need to take some of them out for work then put them back in afterwards.

If you make her wait until 16 I'd be very surprised if she didn't do it herself, especially with an ear piercing. Maybe compromise on 13 or 14?

Fakebook · 30/05/2013 14:24

I had a second piercing done at 12, but my mum told me that was the last one. Looking back I can't see why I wanted it done, they look horrible, but it was just a fashion statement. I remember buying ying yang studs for them too. Sad. I don't wear earrings or studs now. I think my holes have closed over too.

EggsMichelle · 30/05/2013 14:24

I agree the the age, and 16 is a more responsible age to have ears pierced again. However YABU to say it doesn't look professional. Piercing heal over so if it doesn't suit her life style she can take them out (obviously tattoos would be another issue). I have a professional university educated job with 3 ear piercings and non visible tattoos and these have not effected how I stand in the work place.

lottieandmia · 30/05/2013 14:25

YANBU - I had mine done several times, without my parents permission and I only wore them as a teenager - as an adult I don't like it at all and only wear earrings in the first hole.

plainjaney · 30/05/2013 14:25

I let DD have a second at a similar age, I don't mind piercings at all because they aren't permanent.

As it turned out DD got to 14 and decided she didn't really like piercings at all and let them heal over.

I'd let her do it.

ephemeralfairy · 30/05/2013 14:25

Yin yang studs...oh me too! Children of the 90s....

Hassled · 30/05/2013 14:25

I think I would encourage her to wait for a bit (IME 12 year olds do have a tendency to feel very very strongly about something one week but then forget about it the next) - but if in say a year or 6 months she's still determined - well, it's her body, her ears. And the piercings can be disguised - I have a very "professional" friend with multiple piercings which you just don't notice.

LemonBreeland · 30/05/2013 14:27

I'm another one who feels you should pick your battles. I got second piercings, albeit at 15, but what I really wanted was my nose pierced, so my Mum should have been pleased really.

I don't think it's the worst thing to have done.

plainjaney · 30/05/2013 14:27

Also worth pointing out about the professional comment, I'm university educated, I work in a school. I have my ears pierced 3 times each and a small 5mm flesh tunnel in each ear. I also have my nose and lip pierced. On a school day I change my tunnels for small diamond tunnels which look just like little diamante studs and I remove my rings until the end of the working day.
Nobody bats an eyelid. In fact, many of the teaching staff have piercings!

HollyBerryBush · 30/05/2013 14:27

I meant they looked professionally done, not like a teenager scrabbling round in her bedroom, stabbing herself silly!

StuntGirl · 30/05/2013 14:28

I'd be more concerned about the fact that at 12 she will have to be pierced "mall style" with a piercing gun rather than professionally with a needle.

Also, at 12 it is not her decision, and even shitty Claire's Accessory type places will require adult permission.

Personally I'd be happy to make her remove the piercing if she had it done behind my back. And I speak as a very pierced individual.

Scribblegirl · 30/05/2013 14:29

Holly I did the same - DIY ear piercings!

OP, my parents enacted an 'ears only' policy until we were 16. At 16 and a half I had 8 - I'm now 24 and only have the 'normal' ear lobes and one at the top of my ear that I wear once in a blue moon when I want to look cool

Piercings are removable and once you've allowed one I think you need to find a line and stick to it, such as 'ears only' - pick your battles. I know a partner at a law firm who had a pierced ear in the 90s and he definitely doesn't wear it any more

plainjaney · 30/05/2013 14:29

Holly, OP said that "second piercings just do not look professional" which I think is a very unreasonable comment to make. I was referring to her comment not yours :)

thebody · 30/05/2013 14:31

Meh, my dd 14 has her belly button done.

Insist on school work being done, good manners and things that matter. Hair, clothes and piercings don't really. All can be taken off at a moments notice.

Now a tatoo, that IS serious.

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frissonpink · 30/05/2013 14:32

Maybe show her this thread? I have 3 holes in one ear, and one in the other. I now absolutely hate them, and despite what people say, they do not and have not closed up! I had them done over 20 years ago.

Yes, I was 'in' with my friends for a few months for getting them done, but I really wish I'd listened to my mother.

Getting married this year, and trying to work out how to hide ugly holes
:(

NettoSuperstar · 30/05/2013 14:33

My 11yr old wants her done a second time and I'm fine with it.

plainjaney · 30/05/2013 14:33

thebody, I agree completely. I was staggered to see how many of DD's 15 year old classmates have tattoos of bloody tinkerbelle and Eeyore et al scrawled badly over their bodies.
Underage tattooing is rife these days, anyone can buy a gun and ink from eBay. A tiny stud in the ear is nothing at all.

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