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AIBU?

To forbid second piercing?

87 replies

mamaliv · 30/05/2013 14:13

I can't believe I'm even posting about this as I feel so strongly against it, I just have to share my frustration! DD1, who's 12, has her heart set on getting second piercings on her ears (just behind the regular place, which she had done about a year ago). I think she's absolutely too young, and would prefer her never to get them done, but want her to wait until she's at least 16 before deciding. I know she's a good girl and would never get it done without my permission, but DH is being frustratingly vague and told her it's her decision. It is not her decision!! (or is it...?). It sounds superficial but I know that people do judge on appearances, and second piercings just do not look professional. And she's way too young!

OP posts:

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frissonpink · 30/05/2013 14:34

at the 14yr old belly button piercer! Don't you have to be 18 to get that done?

(I also have a pierced navel btw, so it's not that I don't like them as such, but 14? Mines also without a bar in it right now as I got pregnant and it came out, never to go back in!)

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blueemerald · 30/05/2013 14:34

I know very few women who don't have at least two piercings in each ear! And all my friends are "professionals" or PhD students.
If she had one set done at 11 then I think around 13 is a good age for a second if she wants them.

I've had my ears pierced 9 times but now occasionally wear one pair. (I'm 26) Don't make this a battleground, it's not worth it.

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plainjaney · 30/05/2013 14:35

frisson, I think how well the holes heal is dependent on the person, its simply not true to say that they do not and will not close up. DD's have vanished completely.

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frissonpink · 30/05/2013 14:36

Well, it's simply not true then either to say that they will close up. They can be very much permanent!

My friend at uni had her nose pierced. She's now 40 with a horrid hole in her nose (that really does not fit in with her current 'look'!)

It's just worth bearing in mind.

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HollyBerryBush · 30/05/2013 14:37

Well, depends what industry she goes into really. I went into banking and the dress code and jewelry regulations back in the 80's were really quite Victorian. Blokes had only just stopped wearing bowler hats!

So double piercings would have made the establishment of the very old colonial bank I worked for, collectively have a heart attack. Men certainly could not stroll in with an earring, or streaked hair, or any of those quite buffant 'Wham' style do's that were so trendy back then. It really was a pin stripped suit environment. We would be told about our sleeve lengths on blouses, hem lines, heel heights and so forth.

sigh< those were indeed the days!

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frissonpink · 30/05/2013 14:38

Anyway. I'm with the OP, 12 is far too young imo. :) She's still a child.

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mrscumberbatch · 30/05/2013 14:39

Choose your battles... i had a face full of metal up until my early twenties.... now nothing on my face.

Nobody would know that I had them done.

2 ear piercings will not corrupt her.

Fwiw, I was a finance professional and now run my own business so it didn't 'ruin' my career in any way.

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thebody · 30/05/2013 14:41

Frisson... All and I mean all of her friends have had belly buttons pierced. You just need a parent to accompany you.

She can take it out.

I had multiple piercings in my ears and all have closed up. Had them mostly done without my parents consent. Loved my mom but couldn't talk to her about anything 'grown up' and ended up in many difficult situations.

Much much more important issues at the teen stage than this.and far more important lines in the sand.

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StuntGirl · 30/05/2013 14:43

There's absolutely no guarante of what will and won't heal. I have stretched ears and 0g is generally considered the point of no return - that size and larger is unlikely to ever shrink properly, below and it likely will. By the time my ears were 6g (4 sizes smaller) they were past the point of no return on me. So there are no guarantees.

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diddl · 30/05/2013 14:45

I think too young-how long has she had the first piercings for?

I had mine done for the first time at 14 & second time at 18.

Daughter had hers done first at 12 & second at 14-I thought that that was on the young side!

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frissonpink · 30/05/2013 14:46

thebody wow, really?

I don't know. i just see a belly button piercing as more of a sexual kind of piercing? (does that make sense). Only to be seen when in a bikini, underwear or naked? Just seems sooo sooo wrong on a child to me, maybe I'm totally out of touch and old fashioned.

Can understand why maybe 17yr olds+ would want one, but 14? Gosh. That's made me :( that I didn't realise it was that common. Ears are one thing..

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StuntGirl · 30/05/2013 14:46

"You just need a parent to accompany you."

Wrong. You just need a shitty piercer who ignores the law, like the one who pierced your daughter.

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CajaDeLaMemoria · 30/05/2013 14:49

I had my stomach pierced at 12.

Im 22 now. There has been no jewellery in it for nearly 9 years, but it's still open. No signs of healing.

I hate it.

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HollyBerryBush · 30/05/2013 14:53

Can I just make a point about the law and piercings?

There is no law. I researched it thoroughly when DS1 wanted his tongue pierced. I caved in when he was 17.

In some London councils there are voluntary codes of practice which include ages - but there is no legislation covering piercings.

it is illegal to tattoo under the age of 18 for decorative purposes (medical purposes allowed) Tattooing Of Minors Act 1969

www.legislation.gov.uk/ukpga/1969/24

And it's only a £50 fine if convicted.

Again neither tattoo or piercing parlours have regulatory bodies.

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livinginwonderland · 30/05/2013 14:55

StuntGirl - actually, there is no minimum age. Most places require an adult if you're under 16 or 18, but the law specifically states "There is no minimum age of consent in England, Wales and Northern Ireland for piercing."

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SueDnym · 30/05/2013 14:55

I have a tongue piercing (got this when I was 30), several tattoos, and three piercings in each ear (I got the last of these when I was 13). I'm about as professional as can be, and not one employer has ever questioned my earrings.

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StuntGirl · 30/05/2013 14:58

You're quite right sorry, it's not illegal in most cases simply a matter of ethics.

A decent, professional piercer will not pierce someone under the age of 18 (bar genital piercings) because its bad practice. If you found a piercer to do so then they are a shitty piercer and don't desrve your money or your body.

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Neverending2012 · 30/05/2013 14:59

Don't turn it into a battle about who controls who, they grow over and become boring later in life....

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thebody · 30/05/2013 15:03

Frisson, I don't actually consider my 14 year old dd a child but a young woman.

She is mature, sensible and well able to make decisions for herself regarding her body. We discuss everything as I never want her to feel vulnerable or without my help and support.

On a personal level she has been through an incident that very few posters could imagine in their worst nightmares so that probably colours issues for us.

Many 14 year old girls and boys in our country are having sex because they feel pressured and have no parent to turn to as they treat them 'like a child' or the flip side they are simply neglected and uncared for.

The teenage pregnancy rates at our local very nice boarding /day school are horrendous.

In my view young women need listening to and safeguarding not just treated as 'a child'.

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thebody · 30/05/2013 15:07

Stunt, I think Claire's would shut down then!

Most girls have piercings under the age of 18 don't they?

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thebody · 30/05/2013 15:10

Oh and I wouldn't take my dd to 'a shitty piercer'

What a stupid thing to say.

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StuntGirl · 30/05/2013 15:12

If they pierced her under the age of 18 sorry, that's exactly what they are.

I like my piercers to adhere to the highest legal, ethical, moral and personal standards, and anyone who offers anything less isn't worth your business or your time.

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Choccyhobnob · 30/05/2013 15:14

I got second holes in my ears when I was 10 and I had third ones by the time I was 12. I was a model straight A student, never caused my parents a day of grief and this was one thing they probably felt wasn't worth making a big deal out of!

My mum refused to let me get my cartilage pierced at top of my ear when I was 13 and all my friends were doing it so I did it myself with a needle and an ice cube. Mum went mad but then realised I was going to do it anyway so said as long as I go to a professional place ears were ok. So I had 3 in the lobes and 2 at the top at the age of 13. I got my belly button and nose done at 15 ( and I was one of the last in my class) and I wear both of them to this day (I'm 28 now) but I took out most of my earrings when I was about 20. Piercings you can remove! Regret a couple of my tattoos much more! lol

Moral of the story - I don't think it's a big deal. She can take them out and if she's a good kid otherwise I really think you should pick your battles as other people have said.

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StuntGirl · 30/05/2013 15:15

Claire's are an abomination offering a shitty service - you shouldn't take your kids there for piercings either.

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HollyBerryBush · 30/05/2013 15:15

thebody that's a whole different debate. If you treat a 14yo as a young woman rather than the child she legally is, then you are opening up all sorts of doors. Clearly as you acknowledge she is a young woman, therefore capable of making sexual decisions, you won't the one going dipshit if she hooks up with a 25yo bloke, who likes them on the young side?

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