I genuinely don't know if I'm being reasonable about this any more.
The back story: DH's parents live abroad. When I was expecting my DD (first baby) I felt strongly that I wanted time to bond with the baby with DH, and keep visitors to a minimum for the first couple of weeks. Because of the distance I knew that the PILs would want to come and stay for a week or more, and it was just an extra pressure I felt I didn't want to deal with in the early days of being a new mum. I know the PILs mean well, were excited and genuinely wanted to help, but they are also extremely opinionated, stubborn and hard work to be around. My MIL commented on and and tried to impose her views on everything during my pregnancy (didn't understand why I wanted to BF, disagreed with the amount of mat leave I was planning to take, was horrified by how much weight I was putting on, etc., etc.) I knew she wouldn't hold back once the baby arrived (and believe me, I was not wrong). Our house is small so no one would have their own space, and they get bored easily so I knew we'd end up feeling we had to entertain them.
I explained to DH why I didn't want his parents to plan to come over when the baby was only a day or two old, and asked him to set expectations that they'd come over sometime in the the second week after we were home from hospital, when we were settled and ready. I also asked him not to tell them (or anyone) when I went into labour as I didn't want them to have time to turn up at the hospital if they decided it would be nice to 'surprise' us.
DH agreed initially, but then started to back track and said it wasn't fair as his parents live far away and my family get to see us all the time, and that I was being 'unkind' to them. I didn't change my mind, but lo and behold, I went into labour, he called them (without telling me), and they managed to book their travel and get here about 6 hours after I got home from the hospital, and stayed for a week!
This is getting long so I won't go into detail, but let's just say that although I tried to be generous towards them and make the best of it, it ruined the early days as a family, made me very anxious and affected bonding with DD and my confidence as a mum (I felt really imposed upon and generally scrutinised and undermined). I got PND due to a combination of factors, and while it would be ridiculous to say that visit was the trigger, it definitely didn't help.
We're expecting DC2 and this time time I have told DH absolutely categorically that they are NOT COMING FOR THE FIRST TWO WEEKS. Not staying with us, not setting foot in the country, until we are settled as a family and tell them we are ready. DH was a bit shocked and told me 'not to go on about it', but accepted. Now the stuff about it 'not being fair' has started again!
I do not want them to come, and I will not be letting them in the door if they and DH ignore me this time and they still come. AIBU??