To tell you all to appreciate half term with your kids, as long as they still need you and want you for their half term activities.

[QuintessentialOldDear]

My sons are now 7 and 11 (soon 8)

They both wanted skateboarding camp for half term.

Granted we went away for some of the bank holiday weekend and did a couple of good hikes and "quality time".

All I am required to do now is drive them to and from camp, and make lunch packs.

Great. I can continue to work. I dont have to take time off. Fantastic.

But, no more trips to the park and playground where I get to enjoy a latte watching them play. No more looking at birds together in the Wetland Center, or marvel together at the beauties of Flowers in the botanic gardens.

They want their own fun, and it does not involve me.

It happened so quick.

Next I will moan that they have flown the nest.

If I could stay at home until they are completely independent and be sure to find work then I happily happily would. But sadly life doesn't work that way.

I have always thought that each phase lasts for the right amount of time. Just as I think ok I'm happy to have done that, and even with second it's different again, and then things move on.

I always feel like there's so much to do in London, work included, it's endless exploration.

I'm going to be nostalgia-mother, still putting on picnics in the park on balmy summer evenings even when the DC have flown the nest.

Fortunately, I know plenty of other like-minded park-and-picnic obsessives

Can I join you, Bonsoir? Will it be like this?

upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/7/74/Monet_dejeunersurlherbe.jpg/220px-Monet_dejeunersurlherbe.jpg

that's lovely Maryz. Those are the sahm's I know, the long term ones with older kids. I don't know about sad and disconnected. I sometimes feel sad and disconnected when the dc's are in holiday club and I'm working. I've had spells of working and sahming. I'm only in my 40's and already thinking about early retirement! The most disconnected I've ever felt was managing a team of 8 stroppy people who thought it was fine to make a 60 minute non urgent personal call from their desk and were 'shaking with rage' when I mentioned it to them. Oh yes, I missed my kids and felt sad on that day! I'm grateful that work has never and will never define me. I lost a parent when I was young. He resigned as soon as he got sick and never worked again cos he wanted to finally spend some time with his kids.

Exactly, nkf (apart from the fashions). All welcome!

The sad and disconnected mother of teens that I know best is my DSSs' mother, who works FT. DSS1 much prefers living with us FT and DSS2 is chomping at the bit to join him (still doing 50:50 so that he doesn't interrupt his brother's revision too badly).

Maryz, that's lovely!

And Marsha, totally agree - so glad each phase doesn't last forever! And can't wait for my retirement (I also live in London!)

IMVHO what all DC want is pertinent attention and concern for their well-being and future plans. You can remain connected to your DC all through their childhood and teens providing you are genuinely interested in where they are at and are going.

Stop it everybody! [stern look]

Just when I was beginning to feel better about returning to work!

Please, just for a thread, can we.not talk about working mothers and non working mothers? I remember the tired, sandy little ones with grass in their hair from rolling down a hill.

I was talking to my DD the other night about holidays and how I felt guilty about not taking them to Florida (mainly because I would have hated it) and she was talking about her memories of long days spent on a french beach just being, digging holes, jumping over waves and sliding down the sand dunes and then going back to our mobile home for their one ice cream they were allowed from the bar.
She says she remembers wall to wall sunshine ( it wasn't ) and the walk to the shop in the morning to buy bread. I remember showering an entire beach of sand off rosy cheeked little ones with sun streaked hair.

BUT even now as they are grown up or nearly there I am still forming holiday memories of long conversations over the supper table after a bbq and heated card games, splashing competitions as they all jump in the pool together plus seemingly endless games of monopoly. Every year I think this will be the year they don't want to come with us and still they come, only now I don't have to worry about losing the in the airport/on the ferry or in the supermarket.
Every stage brings it's joys and worries.

what I don't get about threads like this is the idea somehow that we have our dc's for a short while and then say goodbye and must then get on with the important business of 'our own life'
But that's not what I know and not what I see.
All my older relatives are massively involved in their adult dc's lives, in a positive way. Helping with grandchildren, visiting, seeing each other on a regular basis. They don't feel sad or dejected when the dc's leave home, they look forward to travel and spending more money on themselves, having a tidy house, time to potter and read and just chill. They don't suddenly disengage themselves.
But yes, cherish, savour, enjoy them whilst they're young.
It's hard and it's full on, but these are the most important years of their lives and of ours too. It's only now I'm older and think back to those days that I appreciate how fleeting and magical they are, and how they affect the rest of their lives massively.

Something that I am very aware of is that I remember the good times more than the bad times - or even the less interesting times. I think it is useful to think about why those good memories come to the fore, what made that time so memorable and special, and to learn from them what we really enjoy as a family.

Mine are 9 and nearly 11. They still spend lots of time with us, of course. I do get nostalgic of their younger selves. I am also very happy that they are more independent.

I needed to read this thread today, it's all too easy (for me) to get a bit overwhelmed in the day to day with small children and I needed someone to remind me that it passes so soon. DD is 4 and goes to school in 3 months, I am not dealing with this well!

Maryz, your post made me well up, I am clearly an emotional wreck at the moment.

Stepaway, you are so right to say that these are the most important years of our and their lives. I often wonder if my kids are missing out as we can't stretch to far flung holidays and fancy gadgets but as someone said upthread, children are often at their happiest with you, digging a hole on the beach.

Bonsoir, I am going to pinch your evening picnic idea, though up here it's more likely to be a picnic in the evening rain. Still, we'll make memories.

I stocked up on Fiumiccicoli (Corsican rosé) in the supermarket this morning for the picnic planned for this Saturday evening. Need to buy melon, San Daniele and make a guacamole on Saturday afternoon. And order a tarte fine aux poires at the bakery...

When I spoke of women I know being disconnected, I didn't mean from their DC. I meant from themselves. They enjoyed their DCs younger years very much. And now they feel wistful and endlessly look back to those times. Which seems very sad to me.

DS is nearly 17 and will be off to uni next year but we still do lots of things as a family. There was a period when he went all teenagery and he disappeared into his room for a couple of years but now he likes to spend time with us again and it's ace!

I'm in maternity leave with DS2 at the moment and DS1 is on study leave so we've gone for walks or for lunch most days. It's lovely! I think it's nicer now he's older because we can have adult conversations.

I'm not trying to be one of those cool mums who 'hangs out' with her kids either. I always say that DS has lots of friends but only one mum. But our relationship has grown and changed as he's grown older. I have a great relationship with my parents too though and love spending time as a big family.

But DH and I are both suckers for a picnic too!

I don't think it is sad to feel wistful for those blissful few years of early childhood innocence when you can indulge yourself by keeping the strains of society at bay! I thought it was a lovely break, personally!