To tell you all to appreciate half term with your kids, as long as they still need you and want you for their half term activities.

[QuintessentialOldDear]

My sons are now 7 and 11 (soon 8)

They both wanted skateboarding camp for half term.

Granted we went away for some of the bank holiday weekend and did a couple of good hikes and "quality time".

All I am required to do now is drive them to and from camp, and make lunch packs.

Great. I can continue to work. I dont have to take time off. Fantastic.

But, no more trips to the park and playground where I get to enjoy a latte watching them play. No more looking at birds together in the Wetland Center, or marvel together at the beauties of Flowers in the botanic gardens.

They want their own fun, and it does not involve me.

It happened so quick.

Next I will moan that they have flown the nest.

Nearly tried to stop my one and only last breastfeed (bedtime) with 17mo DD tonight, then read the OP and decided to carry on for a bit not that dd gives me much choice anyway

My oldest boys still wanted to do holiday time with me at 12/13. My youngest 4 at 11,9,7 and 6 very much want to come out with me still. It depends on the kids. My oldest boys even though they are now 13 and 14 still want INDIVIDUAL time with me at the weekends and hols, although with 5 others to cater for that can be hard.

I too loved the park phase.

Hours spend reading/writing while DC played together on the slides and swings, occasionally running back to relay somehting or snatch a bite of food in their grubby fingers.

But I would not want to do it again. I've done it. I loved it. Thanks for the fun. Next please.

Conceivably both my DC will leave for university on the same day and my life will change overnight!

I do have a plan to cycle across the west half of Canada after dd leaves home. That should keep me busy for a bit.

I also remember my mum sighing and saying to me " where's my baby girl gone, you're getting all grown up"
I wish she had never said that; it made me feel shit and guilty about getting older because she seemed to be hankering after a younger version of me.

Yes I needed a reminder too- mine are 1, 4 and 6 and I'm completely exhausted with only half the week gone! I need up remember their enthusiasm for everything won't last...

We have dss 23 and 22 so were a bit bereft when they started this independence lark.

We had 2 more dds now 13 and 14.. Have to say over it now and want to get the darlings off hands and me and dh have time together.

23 years of lifts and bank of mom and dad now wearing thin.

thebody you should get some sort of award when it gets to 25 years, a carriage clock or something.

Maryz, I agree that starting school (DD2 is in reception) was a kick in the teeth. I dread the teenage years for different reasons to DD1. I worry she'll be bullied and laughed at.

Posh cat yup relasation here that dd going want be with her friends and ds loose his best friend and protector in a way his lack height helps he not look out place in under 5 even though chronologically almost 8

Probably secondary may be when ds3 goes ss all depends

But when my youngest started school I went back to work. I find their new stages quite exciting. DS is off to university this autumn and it's exciting for all of us. We have seen him stop being argumentative and teenagery this year and turn into a lovely young man. He is ready to go and we are ready for him to take the next steps.

Also having had them in my mid/late 30s, with a full on job and approaching my mid fifties I feel the need to pace it a bit and to redUce the industrial quantities of shopping and laundry and keep track of one rather than two.

But for those with little ones; in spite of the hard work treasure the moments because they grow up so fast. But inbetween the teenage challenges the moments get bigger and mostly better. Bucket and spade holidays might get rreplaced with bored, whingy teenage holidays for a few years but there's light at the end of the tunnel.

I was able to stay at home and work for dh, so had the nest of both worlds.

Now they're 18, 15 and 13 I'm not needed. Up until the last few years they still liked coming home from school with me being there to greet them, even that has stopped now.

In retrospect the worst thing I did was give up my last job as now I can't get back into it and it would be perfect.

Time does fly and its normal and right that children prefer their peers company and spend less time with parents, I just wish I'd had the foresight to see things as they' now are as I'm no longer needed as I was.

I might have to join Maryz on her campervan MN tour, because whilst I hanker for cruises and holiday, I too fear our budget will not allow.

I read with interest all the posts like Diego, who says as they get older she is less needed. I always knew this and beleived this. They still need you, but less,a dn in a different way.

And that is why it astonishes me and saddenes me, when I see a huge proportion of women, especially on MN, who not only have PFB but then continue to live through their children, for what seems like their whol childrens lives = PFB uni grad .
As a generation of mothers we seem to have swung to the other polar of being totally into our kids and at the jepody of all other things. As a generation, it is so very very wrong. But there's no telling them. These people are in for such a shock.
Empty nest syndrome is going to hit these women so very hard. And in 20 years we will have a generation of them, sitting, looking at themselves, looking at their husbands, wondering who both of those people are.

Kids are not the center of the universe. And I am hoping that in time, the balance will be re-dressed.

I was fortunate to be able to be a SAHM.
And also I had more children.
But also we then fostered.

Maybe not quite the same, sort of same but different.
The country is always crying out for foster carers.
I am well aware though that it wouldnt suit many. But I thought I would put it on this thread.

SanDiego, interesting to read this, I am about to go back to work after a long time and my one dd is very unhappy about it, but your post gives me renewed determination to crack on. What about you, can't/don't you work for your dh anymore?

Another one here who's only needed for taxi-services (am already booked for 2pm today), washing and cooking. Most of the time!

Oblomov, you are right!
Married, you are giving me hope - all will be perfect when the whining teen phase is over, and Maryz, I am loving your campervanning plan

married I agree that the youngling years are sweet and pleasurable, but the teen years are far more interesting.

I love having proper discussions with my two, discovering what they actually think. And making proper plans together. It's a revelation.

thing is, I've always worked round the kids so my life revolving around them is a product of this. Also when you have no money or family nearby and an elderly mum to look after it isnt easy to swan off and do your own thing. you learn to do things in snatches of time instead of having every evening or weekend to devote to stuff.

Verycold The business hasn't needed me for a long time, we are now a one man band and I need to earn money, finding something after being at home for a long time is hard though. .

You should go back to work if that feels right for you, your dd will come around, how old is she?

She is nearly 10. I feel rationally that this is the right thing to do, and it is a great opportunity, but emotionally it is very hard when she is there crying about it every night and when I think about not taking them to school in the morning anymore...

ssd yes my life and work has always revolved around my DC. I don't say that in a negative way, either.

I suspect that might be one of the reasons why when I've done a phase, I've done it IYSWIM.

I do it very intensly .

I sympathise Verycold you should take the opportunity if you think it might not present itself again, think long term.

I can imagine how her reaction is pulling you in all directions, I was the lynchpin at home when dh was working very long hours and the boys always knew I was there to sort everything if an issue came up. Of course now, they sort everything themselves and they just inform me what their plans are.

I don't want to sound like I regret being at home, it's been brilliant but at some point I should have given thought to think beyond their childhood and what my role would be then.

God I sound depressing . More coffee and job hunting!

youstay you speak sense.

I have tons of frieends who became SAHMs and really really enjoyed it. But now our DC are teens and they (like many on this thread) are sad and disconnected.

Now I'm not saying they should have worked. But I can see it's harder for them.