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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that if you receive a wedding present, you should say thank you?!

111 replies

frissonpink · 26/05/2013 18:31

Just that really.

No card. No letter. No phone call. No fb message even!

Just no thank you.

Her wedding was 4 months ago. Just had lunch today with another friend who was a guest, and she asked me if I'd received a thank you , because she hadn't. Both of us had sent cheques for £50 and gifts.

The cheques were cashed incidentally the day after the wedding!

She's a good friend (old school friend). Do we mention it? Or just leave it.?

OP posts:
Souredstones · 26/05/2013 18:33

Mention it. We got to 8 weeks post wedding before ours went out simply because we were waiting for official photos so we could send a relevant one in with each card.

Could be she's being rude though

DiscoDonkey · 26/05/2013 18:33

My friends wedding was two years ago and we never got a thank you , not even mentioned in passing. Rude IMO

Original poster
frissonpink · 26/05/2013 18:35

Ahh. That's a good point. Maybe she is waiting for something to come back.

I honestly thought maybe it had got lost in the post!

But now there's two of us who have heard nothing. Hmm

I might add we weren't even invited to the wedding, only the evening do!

OP posts:
CloudsAndTrees · 26/05/2013 18:35

I wouldn't mention it, but I would remember it.

I have a quite good old school friend that did the same a few years ago, and although I've never mentioned it or held it against her, I do remember and like her a tiny bit less for it. It's just plain rude!

Numberlock · 26/05/2013 18:35

You may have previously thought she was a good friend but she's clearly not.

Christ, how long does it take to write a short message in a card and post it?

Presumably you see her regularly? I'd definitely question her. It's just downright rude.

funkypigeon · 26/05/2013 18:36

YANBU, totally rude IMO.

BarredfromhavingStella · 26/05/2013 18:40

Had to laugh at this thread as it made me realise that my friend never sent me a thank you card or anything & her wedding was 3 years ago-never occurred to me before...

WineNot · 26/05/2013 18:49

Our 'thank yous' went out 3 weeks after the wedding (after we got back from honeymoon) and I felt awful leaving it that long!

oneofthosedays · 26/05/2013 18:49

We went to a friend's wedding a few years ago - Dh, dc1&2 and me - involved a night in the ridiculously expensive hotel, long round trip, new outfits for all of us and a gift, card and money for them. We never heard from them again, no thank you for coming, nothing. I was not impressed!

ghosteditor · 26/05/2013 18:52

how long does it take to write a simple thank you note?

Er... Several weeks before the official photos are ready, then longer to select one and send to the printer, then receive and write personal notes in each! It took us days to write thank you cards as we had dozens and dozens of cards to write.

But YANBU to think a card is common courtesy Wink

littlemonkeychops · 26/05/2013 18:53

We went to 3 weddings last summer, all involved travel and hotels etc and giftlists/cash presents. Only got a thank you card for one of them. I do think it's rude but wondered if cards just aren't expected anymore.
When we sent our thank yous out after our wedding it was as much to thank people for making the effort to travel to share our day with us as the presents.

Numberlock · 26/05/2013 18:58

I've never heard of sending photos with thank you notes. I think I'd rather have a thank you card quicker without one. Doesn't have to be a lengthy message - a nice card with "thanks so much for the lovely wine glasses which we can't wait to christen! So glad you were able to join us on our special day. Lots of love from John and Sue."

Leeds2 · 26/05/2013 18:59

I once went to a wedding (about 20 years ago, lol) where the place card at the meal with my name on it said, at the bottom, something like, "The bride and groom thank you for your good wishes, and gifts." Never got a proper thank you. have always remembered it!

My niece got married a month ago, and we received the thank you yesterday. I do know though that she still hasn't got her photos back, although I can't think that they would take 4 months!

Aitchy · 26/05/2013 19:00

We went to a wedding last July and gave the bride and groom £100 (they sent one of those poems with the invite asking for cash)

We haven't heard from them since, let alone had a thank you from them.

Rude rude rude

Bearbehind · 26/05/2013 19:02

ghosteditor if your photos take that long it is possible to just buy normal cards to avoid offending your guests- I'm sure they'd rather have a thank you than a photo!

OP YANBU there are way to many money grabbing brides and grooms out there and I think this is just another symptom.

IMO thank you cards should go out a maximum of 2 weeks after your honeymoon

Numberlock · 26/05/2013 19:05

(they sent one of those poems with the invite asking for cash)

We haven't heard from them since, let alone had a thank you from them.

I'd love someone to come with a poem about how rude they are that you could post back to them!

scaevola · 26/05/2013 19:09

You don't even need to buy cards - just write a letter on ordinary writing paper.

That's what I use when writing thank you letters to the hosts after I've been a guest at a wedding.

StrawberryMojito · 26/05/2013 19:11

YANBU.

We made sure ours were sent out quicky. It is a bug bear of mine generally when people don't say thank you for any gifts. We have family living some distance away that we always send a birthday gift for their children. They never, ever thank us. They do send a gift for our DS and I always make sure I thank them, it's just basic manners.

Also, I really don't get this printing off fancy photos to send with a thank you card. A friend of mine did it following her wedding. It took two months. What is the point?! Just send a thank you card with a personal message within the month. Why would you want people who had spent money on you thinking you hadn't appreciated their gift?

Rant over.

jollygoose · 26/05/2013 19:14

yanbu its very rude not to say thank you. I have grown up neices I have stopped putting money in bday cards as they cant be bothered to say thank you.

ConferencePear · 26/05/2013 19:17

I hate this. We were sent a list lodged at a specified store; the gift we chose was not the cheapest. New outfit for us both, night in a pricey hotel.
I don't even know if they got the gift. This could be a good fiddle for someone dishonest in the store.

Bearbehind · 26/05/2013 19:21

Not great but it's a start:-

Many many moons ago
A couple that we used to know
Invited us to be at their wedding
And cash they wanted instead of bedding

Many many months have past
This bride and groom just can't be assed
To thank the guests who were there
They really don't seen to care

Now they've had their big day
And done everything just their way
All these things I now am knowing
I wish I hadn't bothered going

QueVes · 26/05/2013 19:22

No you're right this is very rude. I went to a wedding a couple of years ago and gave the couple £50 and didn't get a thank you, but a friend who had given more because his wealthy parents chipped in was thanked by the groom in front of me! Wish I hadn't bothered now.

cozietoesie · 26/05/2013 19:22

I've never yet received a thank you for a wedding present. I don't even hope for one these days, let alone expect one.

Original poster
frissonpink · 26/05/2013 19:25

Grin bearbehind that is fabulous!

ohhhh. And yes, this bride had sent a poem asking for cash..

sigh Well, I am heartened to know that I am not alone in thinking this is rude. A simple 'thank you for your gift' would have been sufficient.

As said, we only went to the evening do, but it involved travel, new outfits, the cost of the present and the extortionate prices at the bar that night!

I'm just sooo tempted to put something on FB along the lines of, have good manners gone out of fashion?

OP posts:
Unami · 26/05/2013 19:28

It's never occurred to me to expect a formal thank you for a gift. I would be surprised if I got one, and think it was sweet, if a bit quaint.