Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that if you receive a wedding present, you should say thank you?!

111 replies

frissonpink · 26/05/2013 18:31

Just that really.

No card. No letter. No phone call. No fb message even!

Just no thank you.

Her wedding was 4 months ago. Just had lunch today with another friend who was a guest, and she asked me if I'd received a thank you , because she hadn't. Both of us had sent cheques for £50 and gifts.

The cheques were cashed incidentally the day after the wedding!

She's a good friend (old school friend). Do we mention it? Or just leave it.?

OP posts:
Beaverfeaver · 26/05/2013 23:18

I got married in July and after a multitude of unfortunate incidents after the wedding we didn't end up getting around to sending thank you's untold December.

At that point we put it in with the Christmas cards.

I wouldn't get too worked up about it just yet.

The traditional rule is that people have up to a year to give wedding gifts after the wedding and the couple have up to a year to send a thank you.

My sister and her husband didn't send thank yous.

I haven't heard any one being bothered about it.

When people invite people they never see its a nice idea as they may not see that person for a long time.

My opinion is that if they are coming to my wedding they have to be close friends or family I see regularly.

Therefore, everyone of my guests have had a personal thank you.

People who were not invited but sent a gift as they had heard through the grapevine about it, then got cards

Bearbehind · 26/05/2013 23:22

Blimey beaver where did you find the 'traditional rule is that people have up to a year to give wedding gifts after the wedding and the couple have up to a year to send a thank you'

I know couples who have split up less than a year after they married!

PaperSeagull · 27/05/2013 00:35

YANBU. If people want all the trappings of a traditional wedding, they should most certainly abide by the tradition of actually thanking their guests. And they should do so in a timely fashion. I wouldn't be particularly impressed by a Facebook or text thank you. Do people actually send their wedding invitations via FB or text? I can't imagine that. Therefore they should be capable of sending thank you notes the old-fashioned way, just as they do invitations.

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeGoes · 27/05/2013 08:13

I received a round robin email wedding invitation recently, so I guess not everyone sticks with tradition.

alarkthatcouldpray · 27/05/2013 08:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ladythatlunches · 27/05/2013 08:59

When we got married when everyone was sitting down at there meal me and dh went round with favours I think there called?
Anywho we went round to each and every one and said thank you for coming and there gift and they got one of those favour things.

We had a huge sit down meal and a free bar so I think everyone was happy with that :)

Original poster
frissonpink · 27/05/2013 09:29

Whilst I personally wouldn't send a FB thank you, at least that way thank you would have been said.

I guess we're just both a little hurt that she's found the time to cash the cheques (and as someone rightly send, the time to write and send an invite with a poem for cash!!!) but not the time to write a thank you.

Ahh well. Lesson learnt!

OP posts:
Pigsmummy · 27/05/2013 16:07

I sent around 180 thank you cards after our wedding, we ordered them at the same time as the invites, they were pre printed with a nice message but it still took a couple of weeks to write the envelopes! (both working full time long hours) Four months is taking the piss if they do intend on sending cards.

Next time you see this person then casually ask if they cashed the cheque as you have "forgotten" to check your statement and as they haven't been in touch to thank you you just wondered if said cheque may have been mislaid.

GibberTheMonkey · 27/05/2013 16:20

I found out about 8 years after our wedding that half our than lupus had never arrived.
I had done them in two batches so can only assume one batch vanished somewhere
Noone said anything so I wonder if half our guests sat and bitched about us afterwards and we didn't know to
rectify it

GibberTheMonkey · 27/05/2013 16:20

lupus thank yous

AvonCallingBarksdale · 27/05/2013 16:30

V.v rude IMVHO! Can't bear it actually! Ideally, send a proper thank you card. Failing that, a thank you on "normal" paper, then, in order of preference, an email, text, FB message.

Ragwort · 27/05/2013 16:31

We received a thank you letter from my DH's god-daughter following her recent wedding that had so obviously been written by her mother, totally old fashioned style and no way the sort of language that a young person would use Grin.

Totally rude not to send thank you letters, I never forgot on a previous thread about this subject that the couple hadn't been able to send thank you letters as they had been on a three week honeymoon and then needed a month to 'relax' when they got home. Hmm - the mind boggles.

After my first wedding

Binkybix · 27/05/2013 16:38

This is a topic I feel very ashamed about.

I wrote my thank you cards the weekend after the wedding, and then completely forgot to send them. I just don't know what happened. By the time I found them I was worried it would look odd sending so late so I didn't do anything, and now I wish I had. I still feel awful when I think about it.

At least DH sent his half, but I still think about this quite often.

DeskPlanner · 27/05/2013 16:51

I take it, its to late to send them

Binkybix · 27/05/2013 16:55

Yep, sadly I think it is now. It would draw the attention of those who hadn't noticed too.

I personally would not notice if I'd received one or not, but I know it does matter to other people.

pictish · 27/05/2013 16:59

I went to a good friend's wedding a couple of years ago.
I had them a bespoke present made by a local craftsman. It cost a fair amount, but she's a good friend and I knew she would love it.

Handed the package over at the wedding, and never heard another thing about it. No thanks...nothing.

Wish I hadn't bothered, and sadly, won't do that again.

BalloonSlayer · 27/05/2013 17:05

We know you've got our present
Because you cashed the cheque
If you can't be arsed to thank us
I'm afraid it's Off You Feck

veryconfusedatthemoment · 27/05/2013 17:12

I had a disaster after my wedding. We were burgled the week after our return from honeymoon. They had obviously been watching the house. The insurance company were bad to deal with, so we had to sort out everything ourselves. It took months and we were back working full time then. We didn't even send Christmas cards that year. I've never before nor since not sent thank you cards, but we tried to thank people verbally but I am sure we missed people out. I still feel bad and the wedding was 2000!

Original poster
frissonpink · 27/05/2013 17:13

GrinBalloonSlayer Love it.

I did initially think maybe she'd sent a card and it had got lost, but given there's two of us who have heard nothing, I think that's unlikely!

pictish Ouch. That's just unbelievably rude.

OP posts:
PaperSeagull · 27/05/2013 17:13

I also think that thank you notes should be personal and specific, i.e. refer to the actual gift that was given. A generic "thank you for the gift" is better than nothing, but it means a lot to people if you mention the present they put time and thought into choosing for you.

patienceisvirtuous · 27/05/2013 17:33

Slightly off topic but I once saw a thank you photocard on my friend's fireplace where the bride and groom had put their wedding outfits back on and waded into the water (on honeymoon) and staged a pensive embrace/staring into each others eyes waist-deep in water. It just struck me as utterly ridiculous and OTT

But still, but least they said thank you :o

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeGoes · 27/05/2013 17:37

There was an article in the news last year about a bride and groom posing in a river like that and the bride was swept away, she couldn't swim with the weight of the wet dress and died Sad.

patienceisvirtuous · 27/05/2013 17:37

*at not but

MyThumbsHaveGoneWeird · 27/05/2013 17:38

Evening do only invite to a cash bar, and a poem asking for cash in with the invitation? Rude and entitled. They don't sound like the sort of couple to think of writing thank you cards.

Do they have any redeeming qualities as friends?

patienceisvirtuous · 27/05/2013 17:39

Whoknows that's awful :-(

Swipe left for the next trending thread