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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that if you receive a wedding present, you should say thank you?!

111 replies

frissonpink · 26/05/2013 18:31

Just that really.

No card. No letter. No phone call. No fb message even!

Just no thank you.

Her wedding was 4 months ago. Just had lunch today with another friend who was a guest, and she asked me if I'd received a thank you , because she hadn't. Both of us had sent cheques for £50 and gifts.

The cheques were cashed incidentally the day after the wedding!

She's a good friend (old school friend). Do we mention it? Or just leave it.?

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 26/05/2013 20:20

Beginning s I always make the effort but do you never just find life gets in the way and makes those timings impossible?

TinBox · 26/05/2013 20:20

You people are keeping stationary companies alive!

Original poster
frissonpink · 26/05/2013 20:24

Every Christmas Mum made me and my brother write a whole side of A4 paper to say thank you to each relative for their gift.

I also hated doing it at the time, but really do now think it's lovely to send (and also receive!) a personal thank you.

Indeed, I have just returned from another good friend's house today, and bought a lovely card on the way home to post to her to say thank you for lunch.

TBH If I'd had a verbal thank you for the cash, I would feel less aggrieved. But to cash the cheque and say nothing IS rude imo.

OP posts:
Original poster
frissonpink · 26/05/2013 20:25

TinBox Grin True!!

OP posts:
Badvoc · 26/05/2013 20:27

I have sent gifts and been to many weddings where I have recieved no thank you.
I think it's more and more common now tbh.

Original poster
frissonpink · 26/05/2013 20:29

I think it should therefore be more and more common to take nothing with you to the wedding then Wink

Given that it actually costs money to even attend a wedding (travel, outfit, hotel costs, drinks etc)

OP posts:
Talkinpeace · 26/05/2013 20:29

You could always post onto FB that you hope she did actually get your cheque as it might have been stolen while she was on honeymoon Wink

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeGoes · 26/05/2013 20:30

Thank you cards are nice, but a text or FB message suffices. I would rather a quick text than an official photo card two months later to be honest, I don't keep cards.

StealthPolarBear · 26/05/2013 20:31

How on earth do you find time to go to lunch in between all the thank you card writing? :-)

Bearbehind · 26/05/2013 20:33

ghosteditor it is a pretty selfish mindset to say that you went back to work after your wedding and had enough admin changing your name. Implying that sending thank you cards was too much trouble.

Getting married and changing your name was your choice.

I'm sure the guests who attended your wedding had to make more of an effort to attend than it would have been to write a thank you card.

Blippetyblip · 26/05/2013 20:33

My cousin got married last September. Couldn't attend but sent a cheque for £50 towards their honeymoon and never received a thank you or any sort - phone call/FB/ Letter / text anything would have done !

Just rude

hazelnutlatte · 26/05/2013 20:37

oh god - my wedding was 2 months ago, we don't have photos back so have been putting off doing thank yous as we wanted to do a card with a photo - I hereby promise I will head out tomorrow, buy some cards and get writing!

ajandjjmum · 26/05/2013 20:37

That's good to hear Strawberry - hope my DC will feel the same! Actually, DS wrote thank you notes for his 21st presents without being nagged - that was a first!! Grin

WreckfestAtTiffanys · 26/05/2013 20:39

I hate cards, ALL cards, they are a waste of time money and trees and the mess up my mantlepiece.

It's a YABU from me as I just think they are yet another commercially pressured piece of crap to clog up our lives with.

CaurnieBred · 26/05/2013 20:42

I made use of the fact that we had an online wedding list with Debenhams and started writing my thank you cards before we were even married - I took a whole pile of the cards with me into the hairdressers and wrote a load whilst I was having my highlights done a week before the wedding. I even had a check box on my guest list database that I could mark once I had written the card.

But I do have a reputation for being an anal, control freak, so that might have something to do with it. . .

If people take the time to get you a gift then you send them a thank you card. Tis just simple manners.

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeGoes · 26/05/2013 20:44

I do like receiving cards, but in general they go in the recycling after a week, I might keep a photo of a new baby but not a wedding one.

meganorks · 26/05/2013 20:48

I don't think I have ever had a thank you from anyone for a wedding gift. I wonder if its a generation thing. I intend to send them for my wedding next year if we receive gifts. My personal rule is that you should send a thank you if you don't receive and thank in person. I am bloody slow at sorting out thank yous though so could be months before I actually send!

pigletmania · 26/05/2013 20:56

Yanbu very rude imho

Talkinpeace · 26/05/2013 21:09

In this day and age there is no need for a card

but there is NO excuse not to send FB messages or emails or even texts to people

she could sit on her puter, write a generic email and customise it to each guest to say thankyou in an hour at no cost.

It is the height of rudeness not to.

beginnings · 26/05/2013 21:19

Stealth we came back from our honeymoon on a Bank Holiday weekend and I wrote them over a couple of afternoons, DD's I do once she's in bed. It's no big deal!

I don't always send cards, sometimes I send a letter - but I think a written thank you is very important. Maybe I'm old fashioned!

Jan49 · 26/05/2013 21:34

I think it's very rude to not send a thank you card or similar. It doesn't matter that the recipient doesn't want to keep the card afterwards. The card is to let them know that their present has been received and appreciated and if they then choose to bin/recycle the card, that's fine but they've got the message. Just like a letter.

I continued to send birthday and Christmas cards to 2 children in my extended family until they turned 21 and received about 2 "thank yous" in total in all that time. They live abroad and if I wanted to know if the presents arrived safely I had to phone and ask. I was going to send money in future as that seems to be what they'd most like now. But the first year I sent cash at Christmas, I ended up asking their mother via Facebook if they'd received it, to which she replied "Yes". Not even "Yes thanks". As the children are in their 20s and have never bothered, I stopped sending anything other than a card.

OP, if I were you I'd ask the bride if she received it. Say you're concerned as you didn't hear anything. I think it's worth making people like that aware of how rude they've been.

starfishmummy · 26/05/2013 22:01

My dad told me off for not sending a thank you to some friends of his - they weren't at the wedding (live hundreds of miles away and the present was totally unexpected). I was 40......
I had sent a letter but seemingly they hadn't got it. I felt very Blush.

Aitchy · 26/05/2013 22:53

Great poem Bearbehind Grin

Bearbehind · 26/05/2013 22:59

Thanks aitchy it would have been better if I'd actually written passed not past but heigh ho!

munchkinmaster · 26/05/2013 23:10

I have no idea how long my cards took but was a long time. I'm useless - took till baby was 4 months for those ones. I'm doing her birthday ones today nearly a month on.

What are the acceptable limits then? I shall endeavour to follow in future.

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