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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to consider contacting dps estranged wife and kids?

101 replies

LittleLisa78 · 26/05/2013 14:54

DP has two young children whom he saw lots of when we first met. After a couple of year his ex stopped contact because she wanted alternate weekends and he couldn't do that because of work. He has done nothing to restart contact (ie via court) and it's now been 2 years. It was his daughters birthday the other day and he didn't even mention her, let alone send a card or anything yet was telling me how happy he is with my and our DC. I feel really angry for his DC and our DD who is missing out on a relationship with her siblings. I also resent that his ex may think he isn't having contact because of me when actually I've done everything to encourage it. WIBU to get in touch with his ex and talk about our dcs having a relationship?

OP posts:
IneedAsockamnesty · 26/05/2013 14:56

Why are you involving yourself with a man who behaves like this.

YouStayClassySanDiego · 26/05/2013 14:56

You've posted before haven't you? Was your dh the swimming pool dad who hid?

deepfriedsage · 26/05/2013 14:57

Why did you have a child with a parent who has form for child abandonment?

musickeepsmesane · 26/05/2013 14:58

Leave it. Sounds like you have decisions to make about your future. It is your problem, he seems happy enough. Can you live with someone who, from what you have written, seems to have found it easy to walk away from his kids?

NamelessMcNally · 26/05/2013 14:59

That's what I thought Stay.

WorraLiberty · 26/05/2013 15:00

No keep out of it

You won't change a deadbeat Dad, he has to do that for himself

deepfriedsage · 26/05/2013 15:02

Leave the children in peace, they have been hurt enough by their Father. You chose to bring a child into the situation, go find some play date friends for your child, I doubt the older half siblings will be keen on babysitting for you.

Original poster
LittleLisa78 · 26/05/2013 15:09

He was seeing them when I fell pregnant but she didn't stop contact because of pregnancy, it had been building for a while. Haven't posted about the issue before. I just don't know how I explain to DD about her siblings when she's older? I'm certainly not going to pretend they don't exist. It's really been at the forefront of my mind lately as he criticises my dcs father to me as he is selfish but at least my children see their dad - dps youngest probably doesn't even remember him

OP posts:
SirBoobAlot · 26/05/2013 15:10

Why are you with a prick who doesn't care about his own children enough to arrange to see them?

LTB.

looseleaf · 26/05/2013 15:13

I think your instinct sounds very well-meant and those children very likely do feel their father's absence. But if he sees them then carried on being so absent or is uncaring would this be harder for them? Unless the enthusiasm to see them comes from him he may well partly just upset the stability they have?

Sparklypinknails · 26/05/2013 15:14

Hmmm, you could tell your dd the truth? That she has siblings but her dad is too shit to bother with them? Mind you, by the time it comes to tell her about them, you'll probably be telling her about her absent dad too if he carries on the same way and does the same to her.

Original poster
LittleLisa78 · 26/05/2013 15:14

Me leaving him doesn't solve anything though; he still wouldn't see them and probably not our DD either

OP posts:
SirBoobAlot · 26/05/2013 15:15

No, he probably won't. Because he's a deadbeat.

Original poster
LittleLisa78 · 26/05/2013 15:17

But what can I do? I want our DD to know her siblings and his kids to have him

OP posts:
Sparklypinknails · 26/05/2013 15:18

You can't do anything. He's a shit. You can't change that.

DioneTheDiabolist · 26/05/2013 15:19

OP YWBU to contact his Ex.

I think a more reasonable and grown up course of action would be to discuss his getting back in touch with his DCs with your DP. Only he can sort this, so speak to him and ask him to.

Original poster
LittleLisa78 · 26/05/2013 15:21

I have Dione. He says it will get sorted in the course of the divorce...!

OP posts:
Ilikethebreeze · 26/05/2013 15:22

Have you had nice calm conversations about the matter with him?

SlimePrincess · 26/05/2013 15:23

I'd stay out of it if I were you. I doubt he's suddenly going to become father of the year with your encouragement.
Him being able to abandon his children is a gigantic red flag.

DrGoogleWillSeeYouNow · 26/05/2013 15:25

I think it's worth contacting the ex to broach the subject of you and her meeting up with the children, to see how she feels about it, but I'd leave your DP (deadbeat partner) out of it.

It'll be nice for you to have someone who understands your situation in a few years when he's fucked off and decided he can't be arsed seeing your kids either.

DioneTheDiabolist · 26/05/2013 15:26

Are they in the process of divorce at the minute?

Original poster
LittleLisa78 · 26/05/2013 15:27

But maybe I could make him have involvement by saying I can't be with him if he doesn't. But it doesn't change the fact that he shouldn't need prompting to sort this out

OP posts:
Sparklypinknails · 26/05/2013 15:28

Don't be ridiculous. Blackmailing him might mean he sees those children but they won't benefit from spending time with someone who is being forced into seeing them. You are joking hopefully? Hmm

Original poster
LittleLisa78 · 26/05/2013 15:28

Yes they are Dione

OP posts:
Original poster
LittleLisa78 · 26/05/2013 15:30

I was sparkly I just wish I could do more

OP posts:
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