To think farmers work too hard?

[Ladyflip]

I am a farmer's wife. From last Saturday to yesterday my DH has worked 108 hours out of a possible 168. He is still at work now. He hasn't had a whole day without going to work since October last year. He worked 351 days out of a possible 365 last year, including Christmas Day, Boxing Day and New Year. This is standard for our life.

I get very frustrated at our lack of family life and holiday. He gets very tired and irritable. I know I am not the only farmer's wife to find rearing a family with a farming DH difficult. But I get more frustrated at people telling me how hard they work when they have no idea what real hard work is like. Yes teachers, I'm talking about you bellyaching at working 60 hours a week and having lots of holidays.

Yes I'm pissed off. It's Bank Holiday and I have barely seen my DH except to put meals in front of him. Flame away.

Dh works incredibly hard here, but we live on the farm (and it's on a small island) so I actually see much more of him now, the DC get to spend time working with him and have done since the were tiny. When DH gets down about things I always say remind him he is living the dream (sometimes sarcastically!) but the truth is he would (and I would) hate to be back working in an office.

Yanbu, with the exception of the comment about the teachers. It always pisses me off when people think all farmers are rolling in it and have a jolly life. Reality is its not like that at all. Farming is bloody hard work, more hard work, and then to top it all off, some more hard work. Then you get years like foot and mouth, when livelihoods were destroyed, and last year (and quite possibly this year) when the weather was so godawful that the fields were waist deep in mud in places and even the bloody tractors were getting stuck. It was soul destroying for some of my friends watching their income rotting in the fields, helpless to do anything about it.

Feel your pain, op. Dairy is tough.

I also work off-farm, and honestly, the job is a bit of a salvation. Own life and all that.

If it's driving you mental - and DH and I have been not far off divorce in the past, except that he would never have had time to bloody deal with it- can you tell him that once he's back to full staffing, he will need to take over the domestics for a day? Non-negotiable.

I have to travel for work, and I honestly feel that is the only thing which prevents dH from taking me totally for granted. He means well, but The Farm has a sacred status which I seemingly don't (also moved back home from job elsewhere...) I sympathise.

slightly off topic, but YouCantTeuchThis, did you move to the island to farm? Did you farm before or was it a total change? DP constantly browses smallholding listings but we are city dwelling dreamers!

Yup -family farm. Moved whilst I was on Mat leave and I now work remotely from home (part time). Complete change - both worked in office jobs, flat, mortgage, car, gym membership, fave local takeaway, blah, blah...
Best thing we ever did, although it is very hard work and living away from my family and lots of our friends came with its own challenges.
I grew up in a city - no farming background and people laugh heartily when they hear where I am now

Had no idea there were so many farmers wives on here. Interesting thread... I'm a teacher married to a farmer. Tables turned this week, I'm working and he is taking kids on holiday! I could rant for hours about the injustice if being in the same boat as a single parent, but I've found the only person it upsets is me.

Few people understand, they see a rural idyll when they come round, not the rest of the crap. Worth pointing out that farming and teaching are worst possible combo, we ever get away in the summer and I swap working at school to delivering diesel and making copious teas.

I always dreamt of marrying a farmer - having chickens and making jam and sewing and being the little wife at home. Childhood dreams ... not too realistic somehow!

Enid Blyton plus Darling Buds of May for me!

Still like the idea - bit of a country girl at heart I guess.

Not wanting to add fuel to the fire. Doesn't it depend on the type of farming as to how any hours / pay you bring home?
The only two farming families I know are arable farmers with an inherited farm.
One buys a new range rover every year and multiple holidays after harvest. The other has just bought a half a million house on the farms overdraft and expects to pay it off in a couple of years! Yes, they work hard and have no family life for most of the year but there are perks ..

Janey, I have just picked up on what you said about farmers living in lovely period properties. True, some do. But you shouldn't assume that's what everyone wants to do. I know my mother never particularly liked the farm house when we were growing up - it was cold (flippin' freezing in the winter actually), it was damp, it was dusty (from the solid fuel range in the kitchen). Mostly though, it wasn't her choice of home - it was where we had to live as it was part of the business.

Yes- but neither do most people have the choice of home they'd like- unless perhaps they're a millionaire with no commute! The reality for most people is hefty mortgages or rent, often on shoe box houses with postage stamp gardens, which themselves come with myriad problems such as damp, maintenance, huge bills or a landlord who can serve notice in 2 months.

I acknowledged that not all farming families will be able to heat or maintain the house as they'd like. But these homes are often Far in excess of what other people in the locality could ever live in. They are usually spacious, with stacks of outdoor space, enough bedrooms for a large family and a secure tenure for many years.

Like I've said all along, it's swings and roundabouts . A farmer trades off long hours of physical work for the benefits in other ways of the lifestyle. Other workers may not put in the same quantity of hours, but may have to deal with difficult dangerous situations, or spend all day managing or dealing with other people, which can be equally stressful just not in the same way

You are making the assumption that 'the lifestyle' is some desirable thing which others, and farmers themselves, aspire to.

That is completely false. It's the view of someone who reads what they believe in magazines.

It's not a 'lifestyle choice'. It's a way of earning a living, and to go with that, you get (not choose) a house to live in, sometimes (our case) a damp- ridden pile in the middle or nowhere which there is no money or time to repair, and you graft, as the op's husband does, 7 days a week. That's not a 'lifestyle' thanks. It's pretty much the only option for people like my dh. Are you a teacher by any chance??

Goodness, there seems to be a lot of antipathy towards both famers and lawyers on this thread.
FWIW, although I don't see that it is relevant, I don't live in a spacious farmhouse. Naturally, the ILs live in that and DH and I are in the cottage that is apparently too small for them.. Again, I haven't moaned about that (although I do to my DH) as again, I have enough sense to see that others could be jealous of where I live. But it is certainly not "spacious", we have three bedrooms, one of which is tiny. Like the finances, (which is also not something I have complained about on this thread)its ok but it's not so fantastic that it compensates for our lifestyle.

Again, FWIW, our children are not privately educated. I have already explained my own financial position (not that it should be necessary).

This thread was about the ridiculous hours my DH has worked last week. Dairy farmers work relentlessly long hours and I was pissed off with other people moaning about how hard they have it and being envious of my "lifestyle".

As to bellybulgers comment, I would ask whether you actually have children? Because quite frankly, you are breathtaking in your attitude. You are the only person on this thread who has thought that working 108 hours in a week is acceptable.

I have both apologised for and explained about the teacher comment.

Ashoe has been particularly rude, goading and ignorant. I'm presuming its jealousy. I hope her DH doesn't take up a hobby that occupies him for 108 hours per week.

Janey has at least engaged on an intellectual level. I would point out that farming is one of the most dangerous professions, suffers high suicide rates and some of the longest hours worked. Not much of a trade off for a big house that is so cold in winter that your glass of water by your bed freezes over. Having said that, DH would agree with you that he would rather look after 180 cows than 180 teenagers.

And that's the point really. My DH loves farming, and those who are married to farmers or are farmers themselves know that farmers are born, not made. Nobody would put up with working 108 hours per week if they hated it, even if they earned vast fortunes. But for those left in the cottage, running the house, looking after DC, trying to organise time out together, going to bank holiday activities solo, cooking large meals to feed the hungry farmer, well, we have days when we find it miserable. I was pissed off by comments made by some people and came on here to vent, only to find myself a target for others who still labour under the belief that there is a payoff in "lifestyle".

Doubtitsomehow- try reading the thread: I said quite a few posts ago that I am neither a farmer nor a teacher. And neither do I base my view of occupations on what I read in magazines. It's simple life experience and common sense which enables most people to see that every occupation has advantages and disadvantages, and that it's pointless to bat back and forth doing the competitive suffering game.

Aw ladyflip. I hope your DH recognises what you put in.

Sometimes I wish I could lobotomise myself to become a sort of stepford wife who accepts that the natural order of things is The Farm first and last. But I can't.

And the idea of this being a 'lifestyle choice' is total bollocks to those of us who are actually living it.

Hang in there (and hold on to your job).....and do make sure your DH takes over at least for a few hours. He has to recognise your contribution too.

Oh Yes, Doubtit, that job is gold to me. Hence, despite probably being the worst paid lawyer in the world, I don't complain about it.

I have no doubt some farmers work ridiculously hard and live on near-breadline levels.
I have no doubt there is some middle ground.
The farmers I know personally work very long hours,but could most definitely shorten those hours by taking on even more very low paid workers but they are too busy lining their pockets.

Unfortunately the last group make it harder for the farmers, who are struggling, to make their voices heard.

Good luck to you OP and I hope there's a let-up for you soon.

janey you spectacularly missed the point I was making. Thankfully Doubtit clearly didn't - most often, when farmers select a farm it is down to acreage, buildings, road access, fit for purpose, etc. The actual house and location come very low down on the list. The farm is bought as a business first and foremost. That is a very, very different thing to buying a house just to live in. Oh, and funnily enough, much like most normal folk, most farmers do actually have to pay mortgages or rent too.

You quite clearly glean your information on the lifestyle of farmers from Sunday evening light entertainment programmes. Of course, these show the idyll and are about as far away from the sometimes brutal reality than you can get.

This is a true story and always made my Dad laugh...

My uncle used to work for the Ministry of Agriculture and inspected farms in East Anglia. One day he went to a huge farm. It was apparently stunning - several thousand acres, beautiful main house, cottages, the crops were going well, etc. The farm manager was showing him around when up drove the farmer in a brand spanking new Range Rover. The farmer was a right miserable bastard and ranted and raved for a bit before getting back in his car and roaring off. My uncle commented to the manager that the farmer was a bit of a miserable git and the manager replied (in a very broad Norfolk accent)...

"Boy, the day you meet a happy farmer you want to get down on your knees and pray cos you're talking to God Almighty Himself"

And you are spectacularly missing the point that the vast majority of the population are restricted in house rental/ purchase by finances, location , workplace, public transport....
The bottom line is: we all make choices within the parameters of those available to us, and someone who goes into farming presumably does it because they prefer it to the alternatives. Indeed, the OP said her husband "loves" his job, so he's already got that as an advantage over many other people who aren't able to do the job they'd love

Anyway, as I said, the competitive suffering game is pointless and not particularly attractive. There are people out there desperate for any job at all, so whinging about the job your partner has chosen to do wont elicit huge sympathy on a general forum.

And farmers aren't restricted by all of those things??!

You really aren't showing much evidence of any intelligence here janey

Nobody's doing competitive suffering Janey. The op was pissed off at her DH working so many hours. That feeling is shared by many of us who have dh's in the same line of work. She's allowed to vent.

And no, farming isn't a choice in the same way that other professions are a choice. N time to explain it here, but basically if that's what you're raised to do since birth, it's much harder to opt out later on.

Getting involved with your partner when they are working on the farm/ doing something ele is totally different to when they are running it. Particularly when kids come into it, and you have your own job too.

Signing out now as kids need me. But honestly it is not as straightforward as you imply.