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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to feel a little weird that friend is using same name as my ds?

107 replies

Pinkflipflop · 25/05/2013 16:49

Friend's ds due on Friday and when we met last week she told me she would be calling her ds the same name as my ds. Ds's will be 4 months apart.

Friend was very honest and said she just liked the name when I called my ds the name. Hadn't considered it before.

I just said "oh right, very nice" as I couldn't say much else!

I know AI(prob)BU but I just feel a little surprised that there were no other names she liked!

Hand me a grip Smile

OP posts:
NoWayNoHow · 25/05/2013 22:20

Close friends of ours did this, except that they when we asked a few weeks before their DS was born what names they were looking, they told us a completely different one! So needless to say we weren't very happy when their DS was born and they did the same name...

At least you've been given advance notice, but YANBU, I've always thought this is weird unless its a family name they've wanted to use since forever. There's just so many names in the world! Thousands! She could've chosen another one she just decided to like 5 minutes ago.

SarahAndFuck · 25/05/2013 22:24

YANBU because I don't think you are complaining about her using the name, just saying you are surprised because she has told you she hadn't even considered it until after you used it.

That's the odd part to me. Not that you both like the name, but that her first consideration of it came only after you had already used it for your DS.

NorbertDentressangle · 25/05/2013 22:25

I had to laugh at the suggestion of calling her Reuben "Reuben no.2" or even Reuben the Second!

That would no doubt piss her off but get the message across that you were first to use the name.

ProphetOfDoom · 25/05/2013 22:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sallystyle · 25/05/2013 22:28

I wouldn't pick a name that was used by a very close friend but see no problem if you aren't that close with her.

I don't think yabu. Feelings aren't U, they just are, it's your actions that determine if you are U or not and as you were polite to her yanbu at all.

MegaClutterSlut · 25/05/2013 22:30

yanbu I would find it weird also

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeGoes · 25/05/2013 22:37

I wouldn't mind at all. The only names that I would have avoided are those of our DC's cousins as they all have the same surname as our DCs and that would have caused confusion. Would never have occurred to me not to choose the same name as a friend though.

I would say that YANBU to feel weird about it, but YWBU if you let it affect your friendship.

thezebrawearspurple · 25/05/2013 22:37

yanbu, I'd be pissed off tbh and want to know why they can't come up with something original. That's just inappropriate. It would be different if it were a common, traditional name like Jack or something and he was being named after grandad but the name is inspired by your son! Creepy woman, no boundaries.

Helltotheno · 25/05/2013 22:51

Being copied is not flattering at all imo, just fucking irritating.

Agree. Woman has zero imagination and the fact that she picked the name directly because you did is just plain cheeky and rude imo, not to mention makes her look boring and unoriginal. Surely people have a shortlist of names for this sort of eventuality? I don't know how close you are op but she's not really that much of a friend....

IsThatTrue · 25/05/2013 22:54

Gosh ds2 has the same name as 3 friends ds's. and I call one of them 'big x' when I see him, he's 3yo and * loves having a baby named after him.

YABU it's a name, and am increasingly popular one at that.

Oh and to whoever it was that was deeply offended as a friend told then a different name before birth. Ds2 was something else entirely before he was born. But it didn't suit him so we changed it. It happens. Get over it.

Cosydressinggown · 25/05/2013 23:45

I'm amazed she wants to - doesn't it make her baby's name less special to her cos it's just a copy?

YAB a bit U I guess, because it's not like you own the name and all that, but I would be annoyed in the same situation. It's one of those things that we all know is not really reasonable, but we'd all find a bit annoying.

Chances are, you won't know her in five years time, to be honest.

Thinkingpositively · 26/05/2013 00:53

no..it's weird. I'm scared and a little bit unsettled.

xylem8 · 26/05/2013 02:46

yabu and weird ! You do realise that people live for like 80 years and i would be surprised if you were still running in the same circles as reuben2 in even 20 years time

Anjou · 26/05/2013 06:30

In theory, YABU, as we all know that no one owns a name. In reality, YANBU. As other posters have said, it's just plain weird that the friend has blatantly said that she's copying you. Single White Female-ness and rudeness (IMO) aside, I wonder how her DS will feel about it? If you're all still friends in a few years time, will he wonder/ask "mum, why did you call me the same name as Reuben 1?". I know the answer will be "Because we loved the name" and some people would be fine with that. I would personally be a bit Hmm and feel slightly in Reuben 1's shadow. But then I always over-think things! Smile

For what it's worth, I know about 60 kids from 0-5 and there's not a single Reuben among them.

makemineamalibuandpineapple · 26/05/2013 07:38

Who cares? It's a name fgs, she can call him what she likes.

Flobbadobs · 26/05/2013 08:00

An old friend of mine cqlled her Ds the same name as mine, they were born 7 months apart and have become good friends themselves overr the years.
Best bit? We have the same surname! Grin it's probably a good job the boys don't go to the same school...

goldenlula · 26/05/2013 08:21

It isn't something I would do but it wouldn't bother me if some one else did it with one of my children's names.

SarahAndFuck · 26/05/2013 09:18

Flobbadobs that might still be awkward at some point in the future. I suppose it depends on how close you live to each other and if you might end up living next door to them a few years down the line.

I know a man whose ex-wife and 'new' wife both have the same first name. They live a reasonable distance apart from each other but use the same doctor so there has been some confusing there, socialise in the same places, shop in some of the same shops. They wouldn't go home on the same bus route but in every other way they are still a bit too close for comfort.

They've received each others post and a lot of people still seem to get them confused and think the ex is still married to him or that the new wife is the one who divorced him. They work in the same industry and professionally they have been confused as well, even though they don't work for the same employer.

Again OP, I don't think it's what she's doing that is the problem for you, it's why she's doing it and the timing of it with their ages so close together.

crashdoll · 26/05/2013 20:57

A friend of my parents named their daughter crashdoll a few months before I was born and my parents loved it so much that when I arrived in the world, they called me crashdoll. I can't say it has ever bothered me and over time, the families grew apart and I no longer even see the other crashdoll. I remember asking why they called me what they did, they told me and that was it.

Reuben is a lovely name btw and it is not common around here, so I would raise my eyebrows.

littlemonkeychops · 26/05/2013 21:07

I don't get the issue, you don't own a name just because you used it first!

nightingalefloor · 26/05/2013 21:07

I'd think it was a bit weird tbh, I don't think I would as much if it was something popular like Oliver or Harry, but Reuben isn't that popular is it? (correct me if I'm wrong!) The 'big Reuben' thing would worry me, but I have weight issues so could be just me. Apart from anything, if I were the other mum I wouldn't want my child to be one of a few with the same name in the same social circle (not always preventable I know, but in this case it is!)

PenelopeLane · 26/05/2013 21:17

My best friend is still a little bitter that they weren't called the lovely family name that was their parent's first choice, because a second cousin had been named that a few months earlier. Especially as they've hardly ever met the second cousin in their life.

Summerblaze · 26/05/2013 21:17

I think it completely depend on the closeness of the friendship. I had DS1 and at his christening a daughter of friends of dh who was pregnant told me they had chose the same name. I don't keep in contact with them apart from xmas card exchanging so no problem. My dsis had her DS and called him the same as my DF's friends daughter who we see about once a month.

I would never use the same name as my cousin, sister, brother or close friends. That would be weird. Especially as it was only decided on once you had named your DS.

And I aren't one who is bothered about common names. My DD and DS1 have very common names. There are 3 with the same name in each of their years.

Littleolivetree · 26/05/2013 21:21

It's a very 'in trend' name right now so I don't think you should be too miffed!

Littleolivetree · 26/05/2013 21:21

On trend