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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to feel a little weird that friend is using same name as my ds?

107 replies

Pinkflipflop · 25/05/2013 16:49

Friend's ds due on Friday and when we met last week she told me she would be calling her ds the same name as my ds. Ds's will be 4 months apart.

Friend was very honest and said she just liked the name when I called my ds the name. Hadn't considered it before.

I just said "oh right, very nice" as I couldn't say much else!

I know AI(prob)BU but I just feel a little surprised that there were no other names she liked!

Hand me a grip Smile

OP posts:
IKnowWhat · 25/05/2013 18:43

Ps, I forgot to say that it is a lovely name Smile

oldendaysending · 25/05/2013 18:44

My friend had a name I adored; I didn't use it in the end, but I do occasionally feel sad about that.

I love my DCs names, but I do feel one of them should have had "that" name. We have similar taste though as the name she wanted to use for her boy was mine - I got in there first with that one. Grin

jollygoose · 25/05/2013 18:47

I think yabu if she had set her heart on that name and you got in first what does it matter. Unless people are called something ridiculous there are always going to be others with same name and probably in 10 years time you will move in totally different circles.

ShadowStorm · 25/05/2013 18:49

But jolly, the friend said that she'd only considered the name after the OP gave it to her son. It's not like she'd had her heart set on that name for years.

MyShoofly · 25/05/2013 18:53

I don't care if nobody owns a name.....that would piss me off. it not like they just happened to have their heart set on the name - they hadn't even thought of it until you chose it for your son. here are thousands of names to chose from for goodness sake.

So no YANBU

Xmasbaby11 · 25/05/2013 18:54

YANBU. Odd. Especially since she hadn't thought of the name beforehand.

IncrediblePhatTheInnkeepersCat · 25/05/2013 18:57

YANBU

I would find it weird in this situation.

DH and I spent ages choosing a name for DS. One of my criteria was that I didn't want to pick a name that was the same as a child I'd taught, which narrowed the field considerably, as I wanted him to have a name that was 'his' and not the same as anyone I know.

If an acquaintance now called a baby the same name, I'd be fine with it and probably be flattered (my HV said if she had a boy, she'd call him that as she loved it), BUT if a close friend or family member picked the same name, I would find it weird.

SpanishFly · 25/05/2013 18:59

YANBU - this is ridiculous. There are BILLIONS (millions?!) of names in the world. It doesnt have to be the name a friend has chosen for their child, unless it's REALLY common, like James or whatever.

Hmmm that is quite a popular name though. Maybe where you live, but there's no-one I know of at all called Reuben around here.

OrlaKiely · 25/05/2013 19:05

This is why I use weird names - you can't win, sometimes...all the other names I liked had been used by family or friends. So I went for something a bit odd.
Then people look at you like you're being cruel.

I think in part it is an odd thingto do because you'll have children the same age, with the same name - and that means that spending a lot of time togetherwill be difficult, and confusing, so it's almost like she is saying 'I do not foresee us spending a great deal of time together in future'.

I wish I had put my finger on this when I liked a friend's bag and bought a similar one - I wouldn't have done it.

OrlaKiely · 25/05/2013 19:06

I hope that makes sense - it's like defining the friendship in a way, as one which is not going to be that close.

Which is ok if that's evident to start with, but if you're under the impression that you are pretty close then it's a bit of a 'thing'.

Like imagine two siblings being alled the same name. Why wouldn't that wor? Precisely.

OrlaKiely · 25/05/2013 19:07

called, work, sorry baby on lap

Justfornowitwilldo · 25/05/2013 19:25

The latest baby name stats for England and Wales cover 2011. They show Reuben as 72nd most popular name. It has only increased in popularity in the last almost 18 months. I would be very surprised if it hasn't gone up at least 10 when the 2012 stats are released in August, and again the year after.

The child in question lives 10 miles away so won't be at school with your DS and isn't related to yours. It doesn't seem odd to me.

hazeyjane · 25/05/2013 19:37

Tbh, even if they did go to the same school,it wouldn't be that big a deal.

Dd2's best friend has the same name as her, and it isn't a problem at all.

Notfootball · 25/05/2013 19:46

I know a handful of Reubens, all young children, it's quite common where I live.

I 'd bd flattered if s

squoosh · 25/05/2013 19:48

YANBU

No one owns a name etc. etc................... but it would really piss me off, especially when she's told you she's just copying you.

Some people really have no imagination.

Notfootball · 25/05/2013 19:49

If someone used a name I've given my DCs. Never understood this ownership of names. We only had 2 male names that we both liked for our DCs, we had DD first then DS and used those names for DS. It's not that unusual to not like any other names than 1/2 names.

xylem8 · 25/05/2013 19:52

but say if everyone has say 20 friends ,each with an average of 2 children, well that is potentially 40 names you can't use !

SoleSource · 25/05/2013 20:02

Yabu so what

TeWiSavesTheDay · 25/05/2013 20:59

I know what you mean Orla. I have a friend with similarly aged children. We weren't that close when we had the 1st 2 - who ended up with roaming names! It's really annoying, and we avoided it with our next kids, because we intend on staying close.

TeWiSavesTheDay · 25/05/2013 20:59

*rhyming

PenelopeLane · 25/05/2013 21:05

Before I had DS I would have said YANBU.

BUT having since been in a situation when someone close to me asked me NOT to use his name while I was pregnant, I feel differently about it. I know in theory there's loads more names in the world etc, but while DH and I genuinely looked for others, none felt right, so we used it. It was a hard decision, but TBH, I haven't regretted it for a moment. I love his name. Like someone else said up thread, if I hadn't used it, I would have really regretted it.

It's your child. I think you should be able to use the name you love the most. I don't imagine it was a decision made lightly.

FriendlyLadybird · 25/05/2013 21:05

I've got a Reuben too. How dare you give your son the same name as mine? I understand it feels weird because mine is the only Reuben in the world really. Having said that, my neighbour and close friend has a son four months younger than mine. Her favourite name was Reuben but her DP didn't like it. I had to confess to her that it was the name that we had chosen. Must have been a bit strange for her, though we thought of the name completely independently.

honeytea · 25/05/2013 22:00

I think yabu, I have a friend who said when we told her ds's name said "oh that is just the most beautiful name, if we have a ds I would love to use that name" I was flatered, ds's name is very rare and it showed that other people also liked it.

As your friend lives 10 miles away it is unlikely that your ds's will go to the same school.

CloudsAndTrees · 25/05/2013 22:08

I used a name that a very loose friend had used for her older child. She was someone I saw regularly though a children's group and we got on well, but she wasn't a close friend. It's not an unusual name, so it didn't occur to me that she might not like me using the name. If it had occurred to me, I would have used it anyway. It is my child's name as much as it is anyone else's who has the same one.

idiot55 · 25/05/2013 22:14

Id be flattered, never understood the opposite reaction at all

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