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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to feel a little weird that friend is using same name as my ds?

107 replies

Pinkflipflop · 25/05/2013 16:49

Friend's ds due on Friday and when we met last week she told me she would be calling her ds the same name as my ds. Ds's will be 4 months apart.

Friend was very honest and said she just liked the name when I called my ds the name. Hadn't considered it before.

I just said "oh right, very nice" as I couldn't say much else!

I know AI(prob)BU but I just feel a little surprised that there were no other names she liked!

Hand me a grip Smile

OP posts:
MrsMangoBiscuit · 25/05/2013 17:27

I know you don't own a name, and you should be flattered that you friend thinks you have such good taste, but I would probably be a little uncomfortable about it too. I'd be worried that they'd start calling my DC "Big Reuben" to try to distinguish. I think I'd probably try to pre-empt it by starting to call her DC "Reuben 2", you never know, it might put her off. Grin

Original poster
Pinkflipflop · 25/05/2013 17:30

I will be raging if there is any mention of big Reuben ShockShock

OP posts:
Original poster
Pinkflipflop · 25/05/2013 17:31

mango you've got it right, I know I should be flattered but I just feel weird.

Of course I know I don't own a name!

OP posts:
PaperSeagull · 25/05/2013 17:39

YABU. Names are just names, no one has ownership (as you've acknowledged). Reuben is extremely popular at the moment. Your DS will probably have many peers with the same name.

Now if the name were Horatio Nightingale or something, it might be rather odd for a friend to use the same very unusual name. Though even then, it's not anything I'd get worked up about.

ChippingInLovesSpring · 25/05/2013 17:42

YANBU - it's weird. There are plenty of names in the world & it's not as though it's a name she's always wanted to use... perhaphs you could buy her a baby naming book and put a red line through Reuben Grin

kiwigirl42 · 25/05/2013 17:46

did you have a copyright on the name? if not, then YABU. Stop worrying about other peoples lives and get on with your own.

adverbial · 25/05/2013 17:48

You're not unreasonable to feel weird. But your outward reaction and comment toward your friend was spot-on.

Wylye · 25/05/2013 17:51

I think it's ok to 'copy' someone else's name, unless of course it's an invented one that only has special meaning for that one family!
After all, you're choosing a name your child has to carry for their entire life, if you come across a name you love and feel is right, then use it.

I would hope however that anyone doing this word say something like "I hope you don't mind we've chosen the same name as your DC, it's a beautiful name that we feel is perfect for our DC".

Esp if its a bit unusual, I would've thought it might be nice for the child to know another one!
I was an Isobel in the 80s, didn't meet another til my 20s and of course there are several in every class now.

My DSis's DS and his cousin have exactly the same name, first & surname, and even that isn't a problem. One is always referred to by the nickname, the other the full name.
These things work themselves out.

TheBirdsFellDownToDingADong · 25/05/2013 17:52

Agree with PaperSeagull. Reuben is mega popular, and even if your friend didn't use it, he is still likely to be known as Reuben A etc to distinguish him.

Wylye · 25/05/2013 17:52

Word = would Confused

dreamingofsun · 25/05/2013 17:56

so wylye - what if they do mind and many people do? whats the point of saying that? surely its along the lines of we are going to do it anyway because we can't think of a name ourselves and you will have to stuff it if you don't like it?

pooka · 25/05/2013 17:56

Golly - isn't it odd how some areas are filled to rafters with reubens!

We have none, none at all that I know of, at school, pre-school or among friends with babies.

Alfies, yes. Sam and Tom - heaps. No reubens though. And I really like Reuben.

greenformica · 25/05/2013 17:58

Well take it as a compliment. There are probably thousands of kids with your kids name, what the big issue?

SplitHeadGirl · 25/05/2013 18:05

Years ago, one of my sisters (A) was pregnant and asked another of my sisters (B) what names she would choose if she were having a baby. B said Megan for a girl and Peter for a boy - she planned on keeping these names for when she had a baby. Anyway, my A had a daughter, called her Megan, then had a son and called him Peter.

I don't think B ever forgave her for that.

squirrel996 · 25/05/2013 18:06

my SIL named her ds then 2 months later her cousin had a baby boy and called him the same name!

Original poster
Pinkflipflop · 25/05/2013 18:09

Have read the replies and I still think it's a bit weird!

I guess it depends on how much you love a name but if her ds came first I would have found a different name!

OP posts:
ENormaSnob · 25/05/2013 18:22

I would be pissed off tbh.

Being copied is not flattering at all imo, just fucking irritating.

ShadowStorm · 25/05/2013 18:24

I'm surprised to hear Reuben described as very popular - I've never met or heard of a single one in RL.

dreamingofsun · 25/05/2013 18:27

pinkflip - me too. i guess the only consolation is that you know you came first and you aren't the boring fu**er who has no imagination and can't think of a name themselves. Happened to us, and I've never felt the same about the people after that - always saw them in a different light.

there's nothing you can do about it unfortunately

Dontbugmemalone · 25/05/2013 18:30

YABU, you don't own a name.

If it's a nice name, then why does it matter.

My DH grew up with a neighbour/friend who is about 6 months younger than him, his parents called him the same as DH. It's not a problem.

TeWiSavesTheDay · 25/05/2013 18:30

I have a Reuben and only know one other, it is getting more popular though.

IJustWoreMyTrenchcoat · 25/05/2013 18:33

In this case she did copy the name though didn't she? She wasn't considering it until the OP used it. That's why she has the name, not because she always intended to use it or it was a much-loved relative's name but because she got it off the OP.

if I knew the OP and her friend I would find her friend a bit odd and unoriginal. I wouldn't want to name my child the same as a friend or even acquaintance/colleague etc. as anybody who knew us both would know my child was younger, and therefore I either copied, or didn't bother to come up with an alternative.

idiuntno57 · 25/05/2013 18:38

a close member of my family named DS a very unusual name. It was an old family one. Another very close member was cross because she had chosen this name for her (unborn) DS. When he arrived he was given the most odd combination of first name and the previously chosen family one.

Everyone was slightly annoyed and I dread to think what this boy will say about the matter when he is old enough to understand.

I say stick to traditional 'boring' names then there is no opportunity for issues like this

plummyjam · 25/05/2013 18:38

It's a lovely name. I believe in nomative determinism. Your son and the other Reuben will have their names for the rest of their lives because of you.

I think there's something quite special and nice about that. But then I am feeling a bit woo today Grin

IKnowWhat · 25/05/2013 18:43

It's a little odd but it wouldn't bother me. We ended up choosing very popular names so I am used to meeting other kids with my DCs names. Once they are older you don't really notice.