to make a scene on the train

[photographerlady]

I didn't but AIBU to just throw my hands up and really just make a scene next time. I commute over an hour to London on the train. In my third trimester of pregnancy I applied for upgrade for Mums to Be on southwest trains. Have the pass now to sit in first class if the train is full.

The past month I've sat in first class. I am slower now and especially after work when huffing my way to catch the train after quitting time I get on with only 5 minutes to spare. About five coaches down its first class (ten coach train) and its rammed so I get on and sit in FC as those first five coaches have no seats.

Today the ticket checker came to our carriage when we was moving she checked my pass and said that there were seats on this train I have to leave first class. I was more shocked but then she preceded to tell me that she could revoke my pass and I have to move now. So at 33 weeks I walked down two carriages on the moving train til I found a seat.

Now I am working til 35/36 weeks but after thinking about today AIBU to just say "No" next time that I am not moving and take it from there. I mean they can remove me from the train or say I am causing a scene but tbh I feel as though its not worth the strain and cramps in my stomach to hustle down the platform or weave through carriages to make sure all seats are taken before I go back to the pretty empty first class section.

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"Add message | Report | Message poster Elquota Sat 25-May-13 20:16:55

OP was being a bit cheeky according to T and Cs

But again, what exactly are the T & Cs? Unless it says "we can turf you out of 1st class if a standard class seat becomes available later" then I think the OP is on solid ground."

Well, we know the T and Cs say you can sit in first if standard is full. OP didn't know if standard was full at the time of getting on and decided to sit in first in any case - on that basis OP not on solid grounds cording to Ts and Cs. No big deal in my book.

Subsequently she was told that there were spaces in standard and wondered if she should have made a scene.

For what it's worth when I suggested contingency plans re work I wasn't saying OP should stop working. Was genuinely trying to be helpful as if struggling to walk through 2 carriages now it's only ping to get tougher. I meant exploring options like working from home, adjusting hours to avoid absolute peak time etc.

Making a scene next time wouldn't be helpful.

I agree that's it not reasonable for heavily pregnant women to be traipsing up and down the train after every station, just in case a seat becomes available.

If you can't find a seat next time, and the guard tells you to move, the best response is probably along the lines of "Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't spot any spare seats in standard when I got on. If you lead the way, shall I follow you? I might need a hand hurdling all the suitcases, please". That way the guard either take you directly there, or there's a chance that they'll let you away with it for now, because by saying that you couldn't see any empty seats you're abiding by the rules. If you argue about what you're entitled to, it'll never work in your favour.

FWIW, I think it's great that they are making some concessions to pregnant women. It annoys me when people trot out the line about pregnancy not being an illness or a disability- it's not an illness or disability in itself, but many women do develop medical conditions causing physical impairment while pregnant. Even if the impairment or disability is only temporary due to pregnancy, those suffering should have the same allowances made as everybody else. And I agree that these passes should be available to anyone with a disability, not just pregnant women.

I agree that these passes should be available to anyone with a disability, not just pregnant women.

Amen to that!

Wow, I have never witnessed so many martyrs who seem to actively seek out a burning fire to throw themselves on - "pregnancy is not an illness" "if you can't cope, start your maternity leave early" "you can't be that big at 33 weeks, surely" etc etc.

At 33 weeks I was like a ship in full sail and I was EXHAUSTED after a days work, every day. A scheme is available whereby a pregnant woman is guaranteed a seat without having to ask other folk (who have paid for a seat) to give up theirs.

Several bitchy posters have suggested that as they are not "entitled" like the OP, they would ask a person in 2nd class to move for them rather than sitting in 1st - REALLY?!

YANBU to sit in 1st class, unless of course the rest of the train is empty, and so long as you have made a "reasonable" effort to look for a seat elsewhere (wouldn't have a tantrum though, that is a bit whiney!)

You should have said you would have taken longer to look for a seat in second class but your bladder was about to explode with the weight of the baby bouncing up and down in and you thought you might wee in the carriage.

Agreed Monicalewinski .

I was fortunate enough to have straightforward pregnancies, with no illnesses. I was teaching classes of teenagers 48 hours before I gave birth. But I would always argue in favour of allowances being made for pregnant women- it may be a breeze for some women, but some women do need extra provision when they are pregnant. And the poor OP only wanted a seat, for pity's sake- she'd paid for a seat on the train, it's not as if it was a free journey. She wasn't getting fed peeled grapes by George Osborne, or foot rubs from oiled Mr Universe contestants .

20 years ago I had to give up work at 28 weeks cos I couldn't handle the commute. It was a big blow to us financially and quite frustrating because once I was sat at my desk I was fine to work.
And all the people saying that people gave up their seats in the past are kidding themselves: I don't remember anyone giving a seat up to me because I was pregnant. If anything it was the superwoman era when you were expected to breeze through your pregancy and bounce back to normal the day after giving birth.

Inertia George Osborne?! Eeew! I worked up until the week I gave birth aswell both pregnancies and to be honest I think all the "just give up work if you don't want to sit in 2nd class" brigade are doing womenkind more of a disservice than a pregnant lady who just wants (needs) a seat.

We're all different, that's why maternity leave can start 11 weeks before your expected week of childbirth.

If you're finding the journey difficult, I would seriously think about whether you really need to work another two or three weeks.

Alternatively, fork out for a first class upgrade for the next two or three weeks.

YANBU OP - but neither was the conductor. It makes no difference whatsoever whether there were plenty of seats in first class. If there were seats available in standard, that's where you should have been sitting under the terms of your pass.

The upgrade only applies if there are no seats in standard.

BTW I never actually got big enough underneath my winter coat to get offered a seat!

I packed in work 8 weeks before and was very pleased I did - I was absolutely shattered and finding it hard even though I wasn't huge, and DD came 3 weeks early.

Tethers is right that FCC are cunts. Most cuntish thing about them is, whenever there's a crisis, with hundreds of bothered, fed-up, exhausted passengers, there's never a manager to be seen. Oh no, they let the poor badly-paid station staff soak up all the abuse. (Other passengers often remonstrate with anyone giving an individual member of staff an earful - but senior people are nowhere to be seen. And I don't believe they are all busy sorting the mess out.)

Monica absolutely Ewwwww - he was the only person I could think of who sat in first when he shouldn't have done.

Presume this is your first pregnancy...??

You're being a little precious. The rules were clear and you didn't stick to them. It would have been nice if you'd been allowed to stay in FC but that's not what they agreed.

And 33wks is not 'heavily' pregnant. You just wait and see what 40wks feels like...

I'm surprised by negativity.

Advice against make a thing out of it though. Just say "which carriage? Ill wait till the train stops ". But think its mean of the inspector.

However I'm the same, I hate asking for a seat

I like how someone up thread put it. No this is not a disability or an illness. But some care and consideration is still needed.

I think that some posters think that the OP IBU because she didn't make a reasonable (any?) attempt this time to look for a seat in SC, just went straight to FC.

I also agree that I'd rather her sit in FC than take away a seat from someone in SC.

diddl She wouldn't be taking any seat from someone in STD if the train wasn't full

Diddl - the OP said she walked through half the train to get to first class, not seeing (or being offered!) a seat in standard class on the way.

They only have the first class upgrade option for pregnant woman because they've got rid of priority seating.

I do think the "ok, you take me to the free standard class seats" idea is the best - it puts the onus back on the jobsworth to find a seat (which might have been refilled in the meantime)

Op, yanbu. I did that commute on sw trains when heavily pregnant with dc2. The trains are packed and getting down the carriages is difficult at the best of times, carting a massive bump doesn't help.

I stopped work at 35 weeks, mostly because of the commute, and I was only in 2 days a week. I was huge at 33 weeks and very uncomfortable on the train, even sitting, because of my back. I don't know what people are on about saying it isn't heavily pregnant. No, it's not an illness but it's a temporary condition that leaves many of us exhausted, uncomfortable and in pain, even without spd.

Didl, the OP says that she walked past five very full SC carriages before getting to the FC.

And people saying that she should get there earlier to check the train: often you can't get to the train until a few minutes before its departure time, then it's a mad scramble to get onto it (never mind check all carriages for a spare seat).

And surely the wording of being allowed to get a FC seat "when no SC are available" means that SW Trains is not expecting other passengers to give up their seats for pregnant women, otherwise there would always be an "available seat" (I'm assuming there will never be an entire train full of pregnant women or others who need a seat).

And people who say that the OP is being "precious" and "entitled", will this also be the case if she does things like take her full maternity leave? Ie using other schemes that have been created to make the whole business of pregnancy and giving birth just that little bit easier.

YABU - but I do think you know that underneath it all.