to make a scene on the train

[photographerlady]

I didn't but AIBU to just throw my hands up and really just make a scene next time. I commute over an hour to London on the train. In my third trimester of pregnancy I applied for upgrade for Mums to Be on southwest trains. Have the pass now to sit in first class if the train is full.

The past month I've sat in first class. I am slower now and especially after work when huffing my way to catch the train after quitting time I get on with only 5 minutes to spare. About five coaches down its first class (ten coach train) and its rammed so I get on and sit in FC as those first five coaches have no seats.

Today the ticket checker came to our carriage when we was moving she checked my pass and said that there were seats on this train I have to leave first class. I was more shocked but then she preceded to tell me that she could revoke my pass and I have to move now. So at 33 weeks I walked down two carriages on the moving train til I found a seat.

Now I am working til 35/36 weeks but after thinking about today AIBU to just say "No" next time that I am not moving and take it from there. I mean they can remove me from the train or say I am causing a scene but tbh I feel as though its not worth the strain and cramps in my stomach to hustle down the platform or weave through carriages to make sure all seats are taken before I go back to the pretty empty first class section.

When I started work in London many moons ago it was the done thing for pregnant women to stop work at about 28 weeks pregnant. IIRC you couldn't have a day of sick in the last month of pregnancy; you had to start maternity leave.

The main reason for that was that it is difficult to commute when heavily pregnant.

When I had my first DC 13 years ago I gave up work at 28 weeks for the same reason but by that time people were working right up to the end of their pregnancies.

It is interesting to see how times have changed. Now people expect the railway company to make things easier for them so they can have all their maternity leave post-birth.

Surely some maternity leave is intended for when you are heavily pregnant and find getting to work or doing your job difficult?

Do people really expect everyone else to bend over backwards getting them seats every day so that they can save all their maternity leave?

I am trying to imagine when I'm 85 & frail would I go on the train by myself knowing it was dodgy for me personally to even try to walk along while the train was in motion.

Probably not, actually. Or at least I would choose my seat very carefully with the least risk of having to move before my stop.

So To put it another way, if pregnancy incapacitates someone so much that they can't walk 2 carriages on a moving train, they probably aren't fit to be out in public by themselves, anyway (assuming they aren't already in an electric wheelchair, that is).

The past month I've sat in first class. I am slower now and especially after work when huffing my way to catch the train after quitting time I get on with only 5 minutes to spare. About five coaches down its first class (ten coach train) and its rammed so I get on and sit in FC as those first five coaches have no seats

This rather indicates to me that for a month the OP has been making no serious effort to find a vacant seat in standard class and I wouldn't be surprised if regular conductors have been aware of it.

When you're 85 and frail you will be able to avoid the rush hour won't you which makes it a bit of a non argument.

This isn't a debate about whether the train company should have the policy. It does. It may well have the same policy for other people who are vulnerable or have reduced mobility I don't know.

Certainly people who need carers get to go to concerts and the cinema with their carers going for free. Isn't this just another policy to try and help people who are struggling? And how is that possibly a bad thing - to show consideration for those who need it?

And the op has paid for a ticket that specifically allows her to do this. Why shouldn't she use it? And where is the compassion for Fellow women? Presumably those of you saying she is unreasonable had straight forward pregnancies. Well bully for you.

I didn't. I fainted art the drop of a hat. But when I felt fine I was happy to stand on trains if there were no seats so certainly didn't play the pregnancy card unnecessarily. But then I wasn't commuting in London at 33 Weeks. I was off on the sick because I couldn't do my job without Keeling over.

It's not a big ask, is it, Balloon - giving up a seat for the odd pregnant woman, or helping them find one?

It's not as if the trains are heaving with heavily pregnant women. And given the cost of childcare, it's not surprising that many women feel that they have to make every day of mat leave count.

I think many people are drifting from the point here. The OP wanted a seat. There were seats available in the carriages which she'd paid for. No one was turfing her out with no where to sit

As for whether pregnancy makes you an invalid- well, in some cases yes. But so do countless other temporary conditions. Which is why this shouldn't specifically be about pregnancy. I would happily offer a seat to anyone who seemed to be struggling or in pain. But in this case offering a seat wasnt the issue anyway because there were seats available

OP YANBU.

I despair at some of the comments on here. My currently early pregnancy is doing a very good impersonation of an illness.

I cannot help cringing at the idea that any adult woman thinks the best way to get what she wants is to throw a tantrum

Yes this ^

Perhaps, on reflection, the OP ought to have walked the length of all the carriages before going to first class. But I still think the ticket collector was harsh and should have asked her to move at the next station after the train had stopped moving.

What Unami said.

Unbelievable the lack

... of compassion and empathy shown on this thread. You'd be ashamed if your kids behaved like this. It your husbands.

Being frail doesn't negate the need (or want) to get out and about. When I am too ill to walk on the train, I go into the office and request assistance, and they stick me in a wheelchair and get me to a seat. I like still having the freedom to get out and about, as I am sure does the OP.

My suggestion is that you continue going to first class and sitting, and if you are told there is a seat available, calmly request that they escort you there as you feel quite unsteady on your feet, without any argument as you are technically in the wrong if there are other seats. That way you don't have to stumble around looking for a seat, and you make full us of your passes benefits. I do think it's a little silly expecting you to go look for the elusive seat, and a little guidance from first class is the simplest way to help you.

I find it laughable people suggesting all you have to do is just ask for a seat in standard class. So in effect do away with the seat upgrades altogether. Or the suggestion to just stay at home. I need to check the date on the thread.

Aftermay, the policy is - if there's no seat available in standard, pregnant women sit in first for free. So in fact, you don't even have to ask for a seat - it's just that if there is one available you have to use it.

I don't understand how this relates to how our kids or husbands behave. I'd indeed be upset if my husband or kids didn't give up their seats for a pregnant woman, but that's entirely beside the point!

Actually this shouldn't be an issue at all. A pregnant woman, elderly or disabled person gets on a busy carriage, I stand up and offer them my seat. It is good manners. I don't wait for someone else to do it.

"Ok then let the pregnant, elderly, disabled and infirm have the passes too.

Then people who actually need seats have them.

Oh, hang on, but then some rich people might have to stand after paying all that extra for their special seats. Oh my god."

Schobe, I love you for this :D

Sorry I don't know how to quote another poster properly, but this expresses my feelings exactly.

Erm... Maybe those 'rich' people have paid extra for a seat because they have some 'invisible need or requirement.

Actually this is descending into the absurd now. It's not about a pregnant woman having to stand up. It's about a pregnant woman wondering if she would be reasonable to make a scene because the available seat isn't first class!

WTF is so 'laughable' about a heavily pregnant woman asking for someone to give up their seat in standard class?

"WTF is so 'laughable' about a heavily pregnant woman asking for someone to give up their seat in standard class?"

She doesn't need to as she can sit in FC??!!

No, she can't diddl. She's not entitled to be in there anymore than anyone else is, if the train isn't full.

... So if the train isn't full.... No one needs to give up a seat

Actually I am disabled and visibly carry a walking stick and many times have been unable to get a priority seat unless I can get a member of staff to ask people to move. Lots of people don't want to stand even if you try to ask politely.

She was only asked to leave first class because there were free seats on the rest of the train. The guard would have allowed her to stay in first class had the rest if the train been full. What's the issue? That's the system, and it appears to have been working as it should.
The op did not stand for the rest of her journey; she walked to a free seat in another carriage.

Yup. YABU. I@m actually amazed that such a pass exists tbh.