Does anyone on here actually think that reins on children are the work of the devil?

[JesusInTheCabbageVan]

If so, why? I'm genuinely curious.

Also, so far as I know there hasn't been a bunfight about this yet, so potentially a good Friday topic

IME reins were great because we could teach our DS1 to walk holding our hand but also have the reassurance of knowing that if he slipped his grasp or made a run for it we were still in control of his safety & the situation. He will now, at 2 walk with us happily holding a hand only.
We did try a Little Life back pack due to DH reservations about reins (dog lead/old fashioned etc) but found that it slipped up around DS1 neck when he stumbled or fell, which he did a lot!
Each to their own of course but I found reins a real benefit.

I've mentioned this before on here, but I had (NB had) a friend who said that reins were 'degrading' for a child and that it was equivalent to putting a person with mental disabilities on a lead . When I gently challenged her and said, 'But what if the child tends to bolt?' she said you should strap them in a pram or carry them! I have to say I didn't see the logic in that at all... At the time of making these comments, she was expecting her first baby. I would love to know how her Perfect Parenting is going but I've cut her out so I'll never know!

I've used them with DD (major bolter) with very little success - she hates them and just sits down when they're put on. We got a Littlelife backpack and she loves the bag but insists on holding the reins herself .

However, I have had a slightly moment earlier this week on seeing a grandmother with her grandson, who I would estimate was about 3 (certainly at least 2.5yo) leading him around a fenced play area (no hidden areas, all open and flat) on reins, including keeping hold of the reins and scuttling around as he went very very slowly on the roundabout. He seemed NT to me, although obviously I can't know - certainly he spoke fairly articulately and didn't make any attempts to bolt or anything. I guess she must just be very nervous/cautious? It just seemed a shame when all the other children were enjoying the play equipment and running on the grass.

I do need to find reins for an older child though, don't suppose any parents of children with SN would know where on earth they come from?

I've never understood people who don't like reins - better reins than a dead toddler, surely. (This may be because my little sister was a bolter - blimey that kid was fast so even as a small child myself I appreciated how important they were.)

Here you go somethingsup.

www.crelling.com/

DD (2.9) is a bolter, she can run pretty fast but at almost 38weeks pregnant I don't stand a chance of catching her. Few weeks ago after promises to walk next to the buggy in a shopping mall, she was on reins amd holding my hand, we stopped to talk to a friend and her toddler. DD suddenly bolted, the surprise pulled the reins out of my hands and she was gone. My friend agve chase as I held her toddler, two other members of staff managed to get DD about six inches from the top of an escalator.

Bloody terrifying as she'd have gone head first down them. Couldn't thank the staff enough.

As with so many things, I always extrapolate to the nth degree, so unless I meet an adult who is unable to walk sensibly on a pavement (unless drunk, or under other extenuating circumstances) and can directly attribute it to their parents' use of reins, I have to assume that there is no lasting damage done by having them for your child. I don't think that 'walking properly' is really a skill you can expect of children for the first few years that they are physically able to walk. And honestly I would rather my son wandered around, looking at the sky or focussing on a bug and enjoying the scenery than being constantly expected to be 'sensible' and aware of his surroundings. There is plenty of time to be jaded about the world and see all the dangers - he can have a little magic in his life until then.

I'm the poster mentioned a couple of times up there^^

My DS was hit by a car and died because his dad didn't put his reins on him (or his twin sister), he was in a hurry and thought for a short journey it wouldn't matter.

Well we all found out, in the worst way possible that it does matter, it only takes a minute to put them on, and it took less than a minute for my DS to end up under a car, while ExDH was distracted by DD.

Please please always use reins, no matter how short your journey, if you are near a road then put them on.

Believe me when I say you really don't want the life I have had for the past 28 years, I wouldn't wish that on anyone!

Even though I had another 3 children, there is a huge emptiness that will never be filled.

And thank you to the posters who have remembered me, hopefully on the next "reins" thread there will be some more parents who will remember me and please keep telling people how important reins can be

Oh and if anyone says it's like putting them on a lead like a dog, well, would you let your dog run about the streets without a lead

The French think we are mad because we put our dogs on a lead but let our children run free!

I love reins. Have used them for all 3 older dcs and will use them for dc4 as well (when hecan walk!).

They have been invaluable to us, not just for stopping dcs wandering off but also for preventing falls and dislocations (all have eds and holding a hand when one of them trips/falls could dislocate a joint).
Wouldn't be without reins and always have a pair under the buggy if dd2 ever wants to get out occasionally.

I remember buying DS's first set of reins on a trip to Gloucester Docks. Certainly saved my sanity!

my mother would always make snidey remarks about how awful and common were people who used reins and I can see my attitudes are ingrained..but the whole concept and image is vile. children tethered - I'm opposed

I'll assume you didn't read MrsPresley's post?

Yes, safe children, how vile

MrsPresley so sorry for your loss.

MrsPresley I'm very sorry too.

oh no mrs presley i certainly hadn't read your post - this window had been open for ages and i hadn't refreshed. i'm so sorry for your loss and I hope you were not hurt by my silly thoughtless post, please accept my apologies

Obviously I can't speak for anyone else, sosooootired, but that's a very nice thing that you just said.

We use reins on DS.

And I don't care if people think reins look cruel, or if they think we're treating DS like a dog

I'm more concerned about the possibility of him bolting under a car or getting lost in a shopping centre than I am about any loss of his dignity.

(and yes, I do use the reins in shopping centres. DS will head straight for any open doors that he can see, and I'd spend my whole time running after him without them)

I haven't read the whole thread but personally I am more likely to judge people who don't use reins - DH and I want to buy some for our neighbours - their son is a bolter and we have hearts in our mouths sometimes watching them with him.

DD loves hers

So sorry for your loss MrsPresley I have friends who lost a son almost 30 years ago in a preventable farming accident and the pain is dreadful.

No. They were essential when ds1 was 2. The one time I went out without them as I couldn't find them, he ran out into the road in front of a car, the driver didn't see him and didn't slow down. I ran after him and grabbed him out the way, ran with him to the pavement only to discover that tge pushchair with ds2 in it had rolled off the pavement into the road. Fortunately there were no cars on that side but I felt so shit. If I'd put the brake on ds1 would have been hit. I didn't go out without reins for a long time after that until I was sure I could trust him. Not usibg reins put both my children in danger that day. Thankfully it was all fine but I learnt my lesson.

I read that James Bulger's mum normally used reins but she did not that fateful day she went to the butchers. It's horrible and so easily done. My son is 2.10 yrs old. Only 2 weeks ago, I was at a party - I put his coat on to go home, saw he left his juice on a different table so walked over to get it. When I came back, he wasn't there. Everyone was looking around thinking he was hiding somewhere. My brother found him on the carpark 10 minutes later. Those 10 minutes felt like a thousand years.

I still use reins and I still use the pushchair. I don't give a shit about people who judge me for it.

Mrs Presley, I'm so sorry for your loss.

sosooootired Please don't worry, I wasn't upset by your post.

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion and thoughts of what to do with their own child. All I can do is point out the potential dangers of not using reins.

Obviously not every child will have an accident if reins aren't used, but accidents happen and sometimes they could have been avoided.

Sadly though, sometimes we don't think of what could happen until it's too late.

Emsyj you can tell your friend that often people with 'mental disabilities' are put on a lead ( or reins, although you can also tell her we tend to say 'harness' and 'learning disabilities' for this group).

I didn't use much with my younger kids but I used ds1's harness quite a lot - I could have him on the harness, slip my arm through & do things like pay for a newspaper.

I would pass that on saintlyjim but sadly I have deleted her entirely from my life following the conversation set out above!

I had traditional style reins for DS and then backpack style reins as he got bigger and steadier on his feet. He's a terrible bolter and I use them near roads and in shopping centres, sometimes at the park too if we're at one that has a lake -one time we didn't and he followed a line of ducklings straight into the water . On holiday last year he got overexcited at a show, we were indoors in a pedestrian area so 'safe' yet he whooped and then ran headfirst into a crowd of people, totally vanishing in the space of about two seconds before any of us could react (thank goodness Butlins are shit hot on missing children - they closed the pavilion doors and had several staff walking around and around the area until he was found).

He's now 3.9yo and I have had some comments of the negative sort, mainly from PILs, about how he's not a dog and it's humiliating for him "oh just let him run, he'll be fine!". But I've also had lots of positive comments , particularly from strangers, and lots of people asking where they can get a backpack from for their own DCs or GCs.

DS is only just now starting to get over his bolting tendencies. He's started holding onto the side of the pushchair and enjoys telling me how sensible and clever he's being by doing this. He still wears the backpack but I don't hold onto it so long as he's holding the pushchair, I put him on the inside too so that I'm between him and the road. The rule is that if he lets go off the pushchair, he goes straight on the reins.

I'd recommend them to anyone, they're life savers. A few months ago I was letting him walk alongside me with no reins on our street, a very quiet residential street at 2pm-ish on a Monday, there are rarely cars at that time. My mum was coming round and drove up as we got to our house, she pulled up on the opposite side of the road. DS happily trilled "Nana!" and ran laughing into the road as a delivery van came around the other corner. I didn't think I was even capable of shrieking as loudly as I did. Thankfully the van was going slowly and the driver stopped miles away from him as my mum scooped DS up but for ages after my mind kept playing this little episode through to the alternative conclusion :(

MrsPresley, I first read your story around the time when DS outgrew his buggy and started walking full time. I was getting lots of negative comments from PILs about the reins and reading about your DS gave me the conviction to ignore them and keep DS safe on his reins. I'm so sorry for your loss, I think your DS has convinced so many people on MN to use reins.