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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Feeling very left out…

53 replies

lizabeth0607 · 23/05/2013 19:04

I live alone in a flat with my 19 month old Daughter.
So I'm not normally a jealous person but this bank holiday weekend my mom has made plans to go to the zoo with my 2 brothers and my nephew on Saturday, me and my daughter have not been invited. That upset me enough but then, she tells me she's looking after my nephew all weekend and taking him to the seaside on Monday with my younger brother, again we were not invited! Am I just being jealous? She knows how lonely I find being a single mom

OP posts:
Hullygully · 23/05/2013 19:07

can you ask her if you can go to?

is there a reason she wants to spend time alone with brother (doesn't see him much/difficult rship)?

Chottie · 23/05/2013 19:08

I would ask her if I could join the family?

desperateforaholiday · 23/05/2013 19:09

Maybe she hasn't got enough room in her car for all of you? Just ask her, she's your mum.

Original poster
lizabeth0607 · 23/05/2013 19:10

I don't want to have to ask, she knows I have no plans.

No reason at all, they all live together! I just don't understand, my nephews there all weekend too, she never offers to have my daughter for me, just feel like I'm left to it.

OP posts:
Hullygully · 23/05/2013 19:12

oh poor you

try and talk to her? Or brother?

Original poster
lizabeth0607 · 23/05/2013 19:12

She doesn't drive, they're going on the bus. She's the type of person that would ask if she wanted us there, maybe I should just make other plans lol. Just feel a bit jealous right now.

OP posts:
hesterton · 23/05/2013 19:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hesterton · 23/05/2013 19:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

squeakytoy · 23/05/2013 19:58

sorry but just ask.. she might not realise you dont have plans..

C999875 · 23/05/2013 19:59

I don't blame you for feeling upset and left out any human being would do. Sorry but I have to say and this is no disrespect to anyone at all, but how can anyone leave a child out.
Please tell your mum and brother how you feel, because it will come out one day, even if it's in years to come. xxx

Vivacia · 23/05/2013 20:04

You can't expect people to read your mind. It's only fair to ask and give her a chance of knowing what you want.

FannyBazaar · 23/05/2013 20:05

Either ask if you can join in or get out and do something without them. I don't think you should expect your mother to offer to have your daughter that is something that is a bonus if offered but not something to expect.

thegreylady · 23/05/2013 20:11

Honestly love I would just ask-I bet she'd be delighted. Give her a chance this time and if it doesn't work out the don't do it again.

foreverondiet · 24/05/2013 07:03

She should have asked but yabu to get upset if you haven't asked why you are not included. Maybe they are all paying their own way and she can't afford to cover the cost for you too?

brass · 24/05/2013 10:16

Your feelings are totally valid.

I think you have to put it out there just once, explain how it makes you feel. Tell your mum and brothers.

If they don't improve, then you know where you stand.

CloudsAndTrees · 24/05/2013 10:21

I'd just ask if you can come too. Families all have different dynamics, but for a situation like this in my family, whoever wanted to come would be welcome to turn up and join in.

Is your nephew much older than your dd? Just thought she might find it easier to babysit for an older child?

StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes · 24/05/2013 10:42

y'know it could be that she sees you coping well and assumes you have a busy life and would not want / have time to be able to join them, she's your Mum just ask.

mrsjay · 24/05/2013 10:45

poor you id feel the same tbh I would ask them why you are not invited and not let it fester then make plans with your little girl on your own,

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 24/05/2013 10:50

Just ask if you can go?

Original poster
lizabeth0607 · 24/05/2013 11:34

Thank you for all your replies, I really appreciate it. I asked her this morning why we had been left out of all of the plans and her response was that she didn't think I'd have the money for the zoo and I've been a few times already with my daughter. And as for the seaside, my dad is driving and there's no room. She also assumed id have plans of my own (who with i dont know lol) Makes me feel a little bit better but still annoyed.

My nephew is 4 and my daughters 19 months, I agree that he's easier to look after than she is.

Thanks again for your replies Smilex

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 24/05/2013 11:38

So, if you do have the money, ask to go too, and let her know that sometimes you would like to go out with them with your daughter.
Do they know that you're quite lonely usually?

CelticPixie · 24/05/2013 11:41

I think that sounds like an excuse to be honest OP. Its easy to say that they thought you wouldn't be able to afford it or that you'd already been before but she could have still asked you anyway. Very mean spirited in my opinion.

Did she ask you if you wanted to come once you pointed out you were upset at being left out? If not then she's very mean spirited.

Floggingmolly · 24/05/2013 11:46

Yes, mean spirited describes it very well Sad

CelticPixie · 24/05/2013 11:49

The no room in the car thing sounds like bollocks as well. I know your not supposed to do this anymore, but if there's only two of them in the back then there is no reason why you couldn't go with your daughter sat on your knee. It was what people used to do years ago. God, my mums family used to squash about six of them in the back of their car to go to the seaside and this was in the days before motorways when the journey took longer!

brass · 24/05/2013 12:02

regardless of the logistics they should ask as a courtesy and not assume.

that's the conversation you need to have - i.e let me be the judge of what I can can't afford but please include me because it is hurtful when you don't

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