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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to let dd have a day off school because i miss her?

465 replies

LittleLisa78 · 22/05/2013 22:45

DD is in reception. DP works shifts and doesn't have a weekend off til July but does have many weekdays off. Youngest DD is 1 and very full on so elder DD has not had any real one on one time with me since she was born and has been asking repeatedly for it but it's difficult with dps shifts and extra curricular activities after school. She and I both just want a full day with each other having fun and doing things it's difficult to do when I have younger DD to look after too. AIBU to consider letting her have a day off school to do this?

OP posts:

TantrumsAndBalloons · 23/05/2013 09:56

Educating off site with school permission is slightly different to wanting your child at home because you miss her.

and this whole thing is baffling me.

Why is your 6 year old in reception?
Where is your younger DD going to be when you spend this day together? Because if she is going to be at home with you doesnt that defeat the object of the day off?

TantrumsAndBalloons · 23/05/2013 09:57

and what after school activity for a 6 year old takes 3 hours? Every day?

WorraLiberty · 23/05/2013 09:58

Yes that's a good point. Why is a 6yr old in Reception?

mrsjay · 23/05/2013 09:59

maybe the OP didnt send her to school at 4 ?

Disclaimer we dont have reception in scotland so i may be talking out of my backside

TantrumsAndBalloons · 23/05/2013 10:03

I'm pretty sure that even if you defer school starting, they have to go into the correct year?

Actually, no I'm not pretty sure at all. But I think I read that on here once :)

mrsjay · 23/05/2013 10:05

oh so even if they defer they would go into year 1 and not reception ? if we defer they go into primary 1 even if they are 5,

waterrat · 23/05/2013 10:06

what a bunch of misery guts. take the day off ....life is short, she is tiny - its really really not a big deal

TantrumsAndBalloons · 23/05/2013 10:08

I think so mrsjay

I might be wrong though.

StealthOfficialCrispTester · 23/05/2013 10:14

Tantrums she said nearly 6 so I assume shell be 6 in seltember. But yes I was!
Op I wouldnt do it. Im of the thought that you teach your child from an early age that they honour commitments if possible.

jacks365 · 23/05/2013 10:17

They have to move into the correct school year at some point due to leaving school age. You can't force them to stay in school past 16/18 and its easiest to make up the lost ground in ks1 which is why its preferable to go into the correct year. Our local grammar will only take a child in the correct year they won't even take those moved ahead a year.

StealthOfficialCrispTester · 23/05/2013 10:18

If her child is ahead I most things then presumably shes in the right year. I asssume she will be 6 in september

mrsjay · 23/05/2013 10:20

our young kids have to stay on till they are 16 dd2 was a young starter and she has to stay on to school till christmas she is staying on anyway , ( our young starts are winter babies and not summer babies)

Notcontent · 23/05/2013 10:21

I could never have a duvet day because I would feel too guilty. Basically lying to my employer.

By the way, the op never said where the baby would be during her "bonding" day with her dd !!!!!

nellieellie · 23/05/2013 10:22

It is very naughty to take a day off. School is not optional - your daughter needs to know that she cannot just stay off school if she/you wants. Just imagine all that chaos in a class full of 30 children that she will miss, "the choosing time" (aimless wandering around while trying to decide what to do)...........
What was it David Bowie sang to his child (was it "Kooks"?)"...and if the homework brings you down, we'll throw it on the fire and take the car down town.."
Be bad.
Go girl.

GladbagsGold · 23/05/2013 10:29

I very very very nearly kept the DC off school today and rang in sick to work. In the end I didn't but I can really understand people who do.

Bobyan · 23/05/2013 10:37

Most parents work op, that doesn't excuse your partner not being able to care for one of your children, on his own.

BornInACrossFireHurricane · 23/05/2013 10:58

Yes, I would do it OP. I wouldn't tell her she was having the day off for this particualr reason though in case it causes her to expect it to happen again. But one day off together is fine in my opinion!

WorraLiberty · 23/05/2013 11:05

So what does she tell her then Born?

VinegarDrinker · 23/05/2013 11:12

Are there really (non SEN) 5 year olds who don't understand the days of the week and school days vs weekends?

Anyway, for those asking what would happen to the toddler, the OP clearly says she would choose a day that the DP is off work so he can look after the younger one.

Still don't understand why it can't be done in half term - you have prebooked tickets for day trips for every single one of those 9(?) days away? Really?!

And I maintain as I said upthread that she would benefit much more from regular time with you, OP, rather than big schemes. I agree that if she has 5 days of after school activities at age 5 that seems a tad excessive. I would drop some of those before dropping school.

ephemeralfairy · 23/05/2013 11:13

I had a day off once when I was about 10 to go to an exhibition of Monet paintings at the Royal Academy. It was a bit of a one-off as it was the first time for ages that such a wide collection of paintings had been together in one place I think. My dad had died the year before so I think it was one of the first times that my mum and I had been together just the two of us, doing something nice purely for the sake of it. School were fine about it as they recognised the academic and pastoral importance of such a trip!
It makes me smile just thinking about it.

DewDr0p · 23/05/2013 11:13

A few points are confusing me!

I don't understand who will be looking after the baby during the sickie if the baby can't be left with anyone else on a weekend day or in school holidays?

I don't understand why it's OK to miss school but unthinkable to skip a non-compulsory after school activity?

I don't understand why you can't plan something during your week's holiday next week?

I stand by what I said earlier OP: if there is an issue with the amount of time your dd gets with you then one day really isn't going to magically fix it. You need to look at your week and find some time to carve out for the two of you on a more regular basis. After school activities are fun but really a 5yo doesn't need to do them every single night.

MrsArchchancellorRidcully · 23/05/2013 11:14

Having DCs and having to share time with them between work, nursery, school, grandparents, friends etc etc etc - it's just life. Your DD2 will never know a time she hasn't had to share in some way. Your DD1 might miss you but that is life. She is in school now and a day off here and there is not on.
What happens when she really needs a day off (ill, family crisis etc etc)- they might start adding up to more than you'd want.

When my DD starts school in Sept, I will make sure that in school hols, I send DS (17m) to nursery to keep to his routine and so I can have time with DD. Equally, they adore each other so i will take DS out of nursery in school hols occasionally too so they can play together.
DD will also have to spend some of the holidays in holiday club as I work. I'll miss her but this is life.

YABU.

cestlavielife · 23/05/2013 11:18

cut down ona fter school activities and spend those three hours with her eg on tuesdays and thursdays EVERY week not just a one off

if your youngest has severe special needs (other than jsut being "neeedy" ) you can ask for help, respite for her

crashdoll · 23/05/2013 11:27

Lisa it sounds like you really need to start thinking of ways to spend time with your elder DD is you've really not managed to have any quality time with her. Be creative. You don't need a whole day. Have more quality time - but in shorter bursts then neither of you feel deprived. You said your younger DD is high needs, does that mean SN? If so, is there any specialist support you can get? If not, perhaps it's worth looking at other options to get her settled with your DP. I wonder if DD's way of asking you for more time is a way of her saying she does too many after school activities? Not sure how many she does but IME, children do not need constant stimulation after a day of school. They need down time.

I'm not sure why you can manage to get younger DD looked after on a school day but not looked after on the other 12 weeks of a year but that's just me.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 23/05/2013 11:37

Yes, you probably ARE being unreasonable, but you're going to do it anyway, so why worry?

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